While the Dems have more than a few things to answer for, the actions of many Repubs is beyond belief. Of course if your heroes are the seemingly clinically insane Bachman and Beck and — by comparison, normal — Rush, you have to expect wacko actions.
So, y’all remember that email that went around years ago called “Things Only a Republican Could Believe”? I’m pretty sure there was a Democratic variant as well. Well, I’ve put together a new and updated list and wanted to run it by you. […] Satire is an effective weapon against craziness!
I make no apologies if you consider yourself a Republican. I am a registered Independent and have voted Republican at various levels of government, but the current crop of Republicans at the national level are off the reservation. To call them bat shit crazy would be an insult to bat shit.
Parents who don’t want their children to pray in school are Anti-American zealots — parents who don’t want their children to listen to a speech by the President of the United States telling them to work hard and get good grades are noble patriots. Peacefully demonstrating against the country starting an international war is treason — showing up with automatic weapons to protest healthcare reform is democracy at its finest. Any government official with a desk job should have every action scrutinized — any government official with a badge and a gun should never be questioned or disrespected. At all. Ever. Questioning the legitimacy of an election because the “winner” was selected by the Supreme Court is sour grapes — questioning the legitimacy of an election because the winner (by the largest number of votes in American history) is really a Kenyan born Muslim despite all evidence to the contrary is being a vigilant American. Lying about a blowjob is an impeachable offense — lying about a war is no big deal, really. Believing that human activity could impact the global environment is crazy talk — believing that an invisible man in the sky personally told George Bush to invade Iraq to fulfill Biblical prophecy is logically sound.
To add one from the comments to the list in reddit: “You haven’t been REALLY confused until you hear someone call you a ‘Communist Fascist Progressive’.”
YEA more page views for Dvorak.org/blog! What a smart editor!
“Lying about a blowjob is an impeachable offense — lying about a war is no big deal, really.”
Actually lying about ANYTHING while under oath to tell the truth is an impeachable offense if you’re the Prez. Get it right guys…
I think the biggest problem that the Republicans have is that they have no sense of humor.
Here is one for Alfred1;
“Godwin’s law dictates that all discussions must include the Nazi’s.”
#7 “Its what Joseph Goebbels was known for…”
Actually, when I think of Goebbels I think of a fat old German man ordering from a Fredericks of Hollywood catalogue.
#5 Li, also add predictably wandering way off topic.
“Believing that human activity could impact the global environment is crazy talk — believing that an invisible man in the sky personally told George Bush to invade Iraq to fulfill Biblical prophecy is logically sound.” – both are the same thing; Neither is based on scientific fact or reasoning.
How true! 😀
#7 – Alfredone – If you gents were critical thinkers…
Comes from an idiot who believes the stuff in the bible is true… 😀
#4 qb, you hit the nail on the head. Republicans in general and wingnuts in particular don’t have much of a sense of humor. They’re too busy stirring up fear and hatred (or being hateful and fearful after being stirred up).
They tried a right-wing version of Jon Stewart’s show and it flopped miserably.
The guy missed a bunch.
When talking about Abortion the protection of innocent lives trumps constitutional rights.
When talking about Guns, constitutional rights trumps the protection of innocent lives.
When talking about Health Care Reform, health care decisions are best left up to private for profit insurance companies that cost more and do a crappier job than either Medicare or the VA. Having the most expensive health care system in the world even though we rank 50th in life expectancy is a good thing we should stick with.
# 9 Alfred1,
Thankfully you loons are the minority
Yeah, I guess the 08 election showed that:
Obama won 365 electoral votes to McCain’s 173
or Percentage 52.9% to 45.7%.
I know you Alfred types are trying hard:
*Desperate to politically lynch the president with anything and everything
*Living the life where truth doesn’t matter unless it supports your lynching …
# 3 Alfred1
“Joseph Goebbels would be proud.”
I thought you where Joseph Goebbels the way to rant and rave.
I am calling Alfred1 out after all this time. You can’t possibly believe all the crap you say. You are just being a sarcastic satirist. amirite?
It was all pretty funny but I do have one minor correction. The ‘tard mentions automatic automatic weapons at a rally. Doubtful unless he really meant to say the Secret Service’s weapons.
The black guy interviewed outside the rally carrying an AR-15 (similar to an M-4) variant was carrying a semi-automatic.
‘Tards and the media use automatic instead of the more correct semi-automatic because it sounds so much worse. Well that and the fact that they don’t know what they are talking about.
Jager: How true! 😀
#7 – Alfredone – If you gents were critical thinkers…
Comes from an idiot who believes the stuff in the bible is true… 😀
Jager, you and I think exactly alike!
Couldn’t pass that golden nugget by. Alfred1 pretends he’s a critical thinker? I nearly fell off my chair! Har!
# 17 ArianeB said,”we rank 50th in life expectancy…”
Ariane – I suspect our life expectancy ratings are more due to McDonalds (et al) than to Cigna (et al).
“The government spending your tax dollars on someone else’s health care is Marxism. The government spending your tax dollars on corporate welfare and foreign wars is democracy”
Conservatives are steamed because they know the “Tax Cuts for the Rich” they got under Bush is going away next year, and they can’t seem to be able to blackmail Obama into extending it !!! Conservatives don’t want to PAY ANY TAXES, NOT EVEN THE FIRST DIME !!! Well, Barak has told them to GO SUCK A LEMON !!!
Don’t you people know yet that Alfred1 is a left-wing troll?
Who else would want to make right-wingers look so consistently stupid?
I recall a lot of batshit-crazy things Democrats believed in circa 2001-2008. Books, movies, television shows… crazy people are on both sides of the political spectrum.
Good post.
Yes, Republicans are a fascinating bunch with such a bizarre set of beliefs and priorities.
Fundamentally, beliefs are learned and reinforced by the continuous process of associating things that Pleasure versus those that pain.
While this is true of all humans, we need more lab experimentation to fully comprehend why Republicans specifically learn to become so dense.
A very short list of things only Democrats can believe in:
* Bush was going to attack Iran if/because they dropped the US Dollar for oil trades.
* Bush was moving to Bolivia where he owned a secret ranch.
* Bush orchestrated 9/11.
* Bush blew up levees in New Orleans during Katrina.
* Bush stole the election by telling the CEO of Deibold to rig the polling machines.
* Bush will reinstate the draft (per John Kerry).
A very short list of things only Democrats can believe in:
* Bush was going to attack Iran if/because they dropped the US Dollar for oil trades.
* Bush was moving to Bolivia where he owned a secret ranch.
* Bush orchestrated 9/11.
I never heard the Iran or Bolivia thing. Most people who think 9/11 was a conspiracy seem to be super right wing to me rather than Democrat.
#4, I think the biggest problem that the Republicans have is that they have no sense of humor.
Now that’s funny, I don’t care who you are.
#26, “The government spending your tax dollars on someone else’s health care is Marxism. The government spending your tax dollars on corporate welfare and foreign wars is democracy”
Crazy, isn’t it? Unfortunately, many believe that because of the latter happened, the former is ok, too.
Nice post.
#35, Most people who think 9/11 was a conspiracy seem to be super right wing to me rather than Democrat.
I like to keep an open mind about some things, but I find this conspiracy to be a bit over the edge. Maybe I’m naive, but I find it hard to believe that a man with a wife and kids, who from all appearances appear to be fairly normal, would intentionally orchestrate the deaths of 3,000 just to get more money. I may not have liked Bush during his second term much, but I have to believe it was just pure incompetence on the part of the US intelligence services and not deliberate.
# 32 Dallas,
“we need more lab experimentation to fully comprehend why Republicans specifically learn to become so dense.”
Yes we do, but where do you find republican rats?
Oh, that right all rat are republican or is it all republicans are rats.
Let start with sticking probes in their rat heads.
What about:
To own (more) guns to protect your individual liberties from the government is the very foundation this country was founded upon…to endorse a president that actually suspended or denied Americans of their rights is what a good citizen does because the government said they were bad…’nuf said.
“…and the number one ‘Stupid Things Liberals Says’ is, reciting a reductio ad adsurdum list about neo cons!”
According to Marxism:
capitalist pigs ==> conservatives
greedy religion ==> Christians (not Muslims)
hedonistic Bourgeoisie ==> liberals
the proletariat ==> communists
Marxist agenda:
Join forces with the bourgeoisie to crush the capitalists and the religious.
Turn and crush the Bourgeoisie.
Create a permanent despotism of the remaining people. (boot stomping on face)
The communist utopia is an illogical dream.
I was a communist — for eight hours. It took me that long to recognize the flaws in Das Kapital.
Repugnicunts.
Did the Diebold expose go as high as Bush? Usually Cheney/Rove keep the meat puppet in the closet.