Courtesy Visual Paradox
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Virtual sex – just a computer away (and high speed USB)
While nearby porn stars autographed action photos and flashed their assets for camera-clutching fans at the annual Las Vegas Adult Entertainment Expo, Brett Drysdale discretely demonstrated “the newest breakthrough in sex technology.”
He slipped two fingers into a rocket-shaped RealTouch device “developed and tested by a former NASA engineer” which contains belts, lubrication jets, heating elements and other gadgetry programmed to give men the feeling of sex.
RealTouch devices connect to computers with USB cables and synchronize with adult movies streamed online so the inner workings replicate what a fellow might be feeling were he to be the man in the film.
The device works with video from an online RealTouch “theater” at a price of one dollar per minute. RealTouch is priced at 150 dollars and begins selling in the US in February.
Why not just visit Las Vegas? In nearby counties, the “real thing” is available at less than $1 per minute. And how do you explain to tech support that…
$1 a minute?
I thought it was more like $1,000 for a half-hour.
One Dollar a minute? $30 a half, $60 for around the world?
Not even tech support at Best Buy can be had at that rate.
Must be for some other finger job.
Is this the perfect “stocking stuffer” for guys who really, really, really can’t get the real thing?
#1,
That is if you are governor and fail at looking in the phonebook under “escort”. The going rate for non-governors outcall is $200 an hour. Just realize that even high end $200 an hour hookers are still really really skanky.
I have no idea where you find the non skanky hookers…
Meh. THis is old tech. I’m waiting for the kind of action that Demolition Man demonstrated. That, plus Internet action = the Matrix fuel pods. What the hell else are teenagers going to be doing except jacking in 24/7?
#4–In Church.
4,
non-skanky hooker… Is it possible?
Well, technology sure has come a long way… from bulky UNIVAC machines to tiny USB devices dishing out sensational hand jobs for only $1/minute. What gets me is the device already costs $150 – then you have to go and pay per use. So far, the virtual sex market is a total rip off.
Hey, this story was featured in the Chicago Sun-Times!
http://tinyurl.com/9hsb52
Now THIS is the kind of stuff they specialize in…none of that hokey “espressogate” nonsense! They really had to stretch it to make a sufficiently sensational story about coffee machines.
I remember an article in Wired a while ago-
http://www.wired.com/culture/lifestyle/commentary/sexdrive/2004/09/65064
Maybe the Sinulator can be hooked up and mated with the RealTouch device for some hot bot-on-bot action. Probably will result in a BSOD
Maybe the NASA engineer was doing this with thoughts of his buddies living in space. If you had to live in space for months at a time, you may be considering that this is a good thing. Furtheremore, NASA (taxpayers) would be footing the bill.
Scott Adams (of Dilbert) predicts that when virtual sex is perfected it will be the end of our species.
This device is revolutionary. Finally a device that will actually make women change their bitchy behavior otherwise because men now have a cheap alternative to their wares!
I’m typing this with just one hand.
Or develop the memory recording device from “Brainstorm”, then teach users how to splice their own sex tapes for the ultimate orgasmic experience.
Look, I’m on board with the inherent appeal of on-demand satisfaction and all that, but is anyone else disturbed at the idea of “belts, lubrication jets, heating elements and other gadgetry” being in control of “mister winkie”? (with apologies to Ace Ventura)
I was sort of hoping that this would end up being a thread full of continuations of the line “And how do you explain to tech support that…”
… that “coffee” was spilled on the USB port.
… that you were billed for 8 hours of time after falling asleep immediately after without logging off.
… that you thought “logging off” was some new euphemism.
… that your lawyer will be suing for failure to amortize the costs of divorce into the per-minute costs.
… that you can’t quite summon the right words but you want somehow to tell them that “the machine ate my quarter”.
I don’t care if she’s like electric blue or even wireframe, I’m really desperate. Would the early versions be a “beta”, a “clinical trial”? Sign me up.
#16, Common_Sense,
Excellent explanations for tech support!
“The USB jack keeps coming off, or vice-versa”
“The hoses and belts continue to come off the pulleys more than I do”
“Why is this thing ‘rocket shaped’?”
“The lubrication keeps setting off the smoke detector”
“The recent driver update causes premature, er, defragulation”
Apple’s version is three times more expensive because instead of being packaged in a brown box it’s packaged in a day-glo nylon casing.
Virtual sex is what now?
And if its virtual, shouldn’t it be able to do that multiple times, or is that Version 2.0?
Y’know…sometimes there’s just no substitute for the real thing. Plus think how embarrassing it would be to be caught in the act with all those attachments on ya.
Are they selling stock?
What’s it’s carbon footprint?
150$ for the device? Ok
Chargend by every minute? No!
As KD says. The real thing is cheaper. 1$ per minute is entry level but probably still much better than the sucking contraption.