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Don’t let her blow out the candles! Last year she left lung tissue on the cake!
My best was a far second from that one.
Fun fact though. No proof that smoking causes cancer. Its just a “risk factor.”
In a 2006 European study, the risk of developing lung cancer was:
0.2% for men who never smoked (0.4% for women)
5.5% for male former smokers (2.6% in women)
15.9% for current male smokers (9.5% for women)
24.4% for male “heavy smokers” defined as smoking more than 5 cigarettes per day (18.5% for women)
http://lungcancer.about.com/od/Lung-Cancer-And-Smoking/f/Smokers-Lung-Cancer.htm
The odds of getting emphysema are about 3 times higher.
Jeezsh @MichaelIronside ‘s Moms ah badass!
Smoke Marlboro 100s!
..”And she’s quick with a joke, or to light up your smoke,But there’s someplace that he’d rather be”
100 and still smokin’ HOT!
That’s her grandmother’s cake.
She’s only about 40.
“You are all bastards for using your fancy new electronic gizmos to replicate my pap smear from 1943– Oh look, that mess right there was your great granpappy Fenwick, or was it Frank?”
“It was a sad day in 2052 when John C. Dvorak showed up to his birthday party wearing Mimi’s dress…”
And she’s really only 37.
Clint Eastwood’s really let himself go after the chair skit.
She has outlived two doctors that begged her to quit smoking. One in the 60’s and one in the late 80’s.
Hah!
Lighting a lit ciggy?
Granny’s not rowing with both oars in the water. (In fact she’s not too sure of what lake she’s on.)
I’ll blow out the candles as soon as I catch my breath.
Phil Collins has not aged well..
Who the fuck ordered fruit cake for a birthday cake??? You bastards, I hate you all!!
“Gertrude refused to let the nursing home’s ‘no lighters or matches’ policy stop her from her favorite vice.”
“I managed to reach 100 years, and now they’re encourage me to start smoking again. I wonder why?”
The Crypt Keeper celebrates 100 years of sobriety.
There was a lady who drove up to a service station. She was on oxygen. She got her pack of cancer sticks took them to her minivan.
She lit a cigarette and put her mask back on…puffff a ball of fire.
She said she did not know why it happened so ofton?
Suck and Puff! GGILF ALERT!
Smoking is like sleeping with death!
“Blow it out your ass!”
“Happy F**ING Birthday. Indeed!”
“Blow it out your ass!”
“More whacky news from Florida – death’s waiting room.”
“Blow it out your ass!”
“Some people are just LUCKY!”
But seriously…
“Blow it out your ass!”
John, you don’t look a day over sixty!