Before you can join the Laurens County Republican Party in South Carolina and get on the primary ballot, they ask that you pledge that you’ve never ever had pre-marital sex — and that you will never ever look at porn again.

The LCGOP unanimously adopted a resolution that would ask all candidates who want to get on the primary ballot to sign a pledge with 28 principles, because the party “does not want to associate with candidates who do not act and speak in a manner that is consistent with the SC Republican Party Platform.”

You must favor, and live up to, abstinence before marriage.
You must be faithful to your spouse. Your spouse cannot be a person of the same gender, and you are not allowed to favor any government action that would allow for civil unions of people of the same sex.

You cannot now, from the moment you sign this pledge, look at pornography.

It is unclear how they will precisely determine this (or regulate it), but an unidentified potential candidate for office in Laurens County told the Chronicle that candidates will be interviewed by a three-person subcommittee, who will then recommend to the full executive committee whether to allow the candidate on the ballot…

Chairman Bobby Smith clarified in a statement Monday that “due to various legal issues” the LCGOP cannot require that the candidates sign the pledge if they meet all of the other qualifications for a run. But, he said, the committee “reserves the right to vet its candidates and will encourage all candidates to uphold the principles of the party’s platform as well as petition candidates to sign a pledge to do so. However, no candidate will be denied access to the Republican Party primary ballot for refusing to sign the pledge.”

Sooner or later they’ll issue armbands.



  1. KJ says:

    I’m Out!

  2. Alex says:

    I do not why republicans are so obsessed with controlling the sex life of every one, but I know what it is already happened: the GOP has already “jumped the shark”: now they want to come back to the middle ages …

    • thatsmychin says:

      Yes, the Republican party is controlled by this little county in SC. I don’t know why I didn’t see this before! What insight you have!

      It doesn’t take scientific studies to figure out that those who deny themselves awesome human desires are people of integrity. People like that problaby have the the ability to deny themselves of other temptations, like financial gain from one’s positon.

      Simply because you wet your wick when your body told you to does not make you superior in any way, shape, or form. It only proves that you might be more primitive; giving into physiological compultions, the same way any animal does.

  3. LibertyLover says:

    Oh, they like sex. They just don’t like anybody else having it unless it’s with them.

  4. Because a lot of Republicans are fat (Rush) and can’t see their penis.

  5. M0les says:

    In answer to the headline:

    “Because they’re no good at it!”

    (Thankyou, I’ll be here all night! Try the brisket!)

  6. Is this a Stephen Colbert hoax?

  7. bobbo, the pragmatic existential evangelical anti-theist says:

    “Why do Republicans hate sex?” /// Because they are the party of America’s Homegrown Taliban, which like Taliban/Fundies/Christians everywhere are ANTI-WOMAN!!!

    Man’s fall from Grace was because Eve tempted Adam to violate God’s word and that is why we all need to suffer today. “Contraceptives are just Wrong!”

    God is the model. He bothers, threatens, judges and punishes everyone. What he schizophrenically merely “says” otherwise in the guise of being his own son brought forth without sex with women fails to overcome actions by exponents. Children always copy what their parents DO – not what they say.

    If you aren’t intolerant–you really don’t believe.

    Yea, verily.

  8. Dallas says:

    and last one…

    You will only eat a banana with a knife and fork

    credit Bill Mahr. LMAO

  9. Sen. Stallstalker says:

    They don’t hate sex. They like it. In airport mens rooms, the bus station, dimly lit parks…….

  10. Fed Up To Here says:

    As a life long republican, I hate to say it, but, I am fed up to here (“here” being my finger I will use to make selections on election day) with the republicans sticking their nose in seemingly everyone’s private business. They need to get back to sound fiscal policy, our (not Iraq’s, Afghanistan’s, etc.) national defense, and not much else.
    I’d probably vote Libertarian if I thought Ron stood even a slight chance of winning.

  11. bobbo, always in wonderement that people hate reality so says:

    Only a small tangent off: http://cbsnews.com/8301-201_162-57347663/poll-belief-in-santa-still-flying-high/?tag=cbsnewsMainColumnArea

    Christians/Fundies really are against any form of joy that takes one away from single minded all consuming obeisance to the One and Only God.

    The notion that this phenomenon “exists” is not strange. What is strange is how many are infected. In essence: humans denying their own humanity, time after time, as in reality not informing their perceptions/appreciation of what is right in front of them.

    Hoomans. What ya gonna do?

    • jpfitz says:

      Being human doesn’t include believing in false stories of jolly, red faced, diabetic morbidly obese white haired men. It’s not funny to be lied to as a kid only to be told the truth when perceived competent to “handle the truth”.

      Human sexual relations in any state is a private matter and any dopes stupid enough to read and agree to some document regarding their private time in bed are Nazis. There I said it, off the rails Nazis have infiltrated the American society. Ha.

      This video on the primate species compared to others you may find interesting. The LCGOP are not yet identified as a species.

      http://ted.com/talks/robert_sapolsky_the_uniqueness_of_humans.html?ga_source=embed&ga_medium=embed&ga_campaign=embed

  12. Dallas says:

    The Republican candidates need to demonstrate on who hates sex the most. As a true conservative, I’m not impressed with what I’ve seen and heard from these candidates…perhaps maybe Santorum.

    How about some serious, back to basics guys??

    Now here is a true conservative..
    http://freewoodpost.com/2012/03/02/alabama-state-senator-proposes-legislation-to-prohibit-women-and-non-whites-from-voting/

  13. Animby says:

    Eideard = troll

    • Dallas says:

      Shame! You owe Eideard an apology ..or at least a Limbaugh one.

      • bobbo, always in wonderement that people hate reality so says:

        Ha, ha.

        Define: Limbaugh Apology 1. When a fat drug addicted radio “personality/entertainer” has the voting base of a party by their tiny shit brains and squeezes those pustules to the detriment of any historically disadvantaged group in order to keep them that way.

        2. Fantasizing that having a microphone means you have an audience of rapt followers.

        3. Faux apology made by saying the words chosen were incorrect while emphasizing what the words meant was right on point.

        OK–if I didn’t have a little Rush in me, I would delete the first two. But hey!!!! Just a poor choice in words.

  14. Used to be one says:

    Pay, pray, obey! Sound familiar?

  15. Bob says:

    So, we have all this outrage about Limbaugh (who grant you, I am not a fan of) calling this activist a slut. He then appoligized. So, when are the liberals who called Palin a cunt going to appoligize? I mean if liberals are all up in arms about this, they are up in arms about what their side says right?

    That being said, if this Activist wants to have sex with 100 guys a day, seven days a week that’s her business, but its not the job of others to pay for her recreational activities. What two adults consenting adults do is not for government to but into, but its also not for catholic institutions to pay for either.

    What you are hearing are a loud minority on the right that believe that sex before marriage is against their religion. Most people on the right do not think this way (despite what Eidhard may believe), and believe that if two people want to have sex, who cares, as long as they don’t interfere with the rights of others.

    The media is in the tank for Obama. Their is no doubt about this, and even the neolibs on this board will have to admit its true if they are honest. So who do you think they are going to interview, and which story do you think they are going to push? Any story that makes obama look good and republicans look bad must be pushed, and any story that makes Obama look bad must be buried.

    • ” So, when are the liberals who called Palin a cunt going to appoligize?”
      Well, I talked to Dallas about this and Dallas wants to apologize for insulting all the cunts out. Dallas regrets associating their good name with Palin.

      • Dallas says:

        I refuse to apologize to my fans for referring to Mrs Palin as a cunt. I have not lost any advertisers so there is little reason to.

    • Cap'nKangaroo says:

      Unfortunately, you don’t need to push stories that make Republicans look bad when you have this crop of Republicans running for Prez and the Republican leadership, not to mention the Teaparty Republicans.

      You just sit back and let the stories happen.

    • The Fence says:

      Bingo. To what Bob says. In the meantime Obama’s administration is stealing your Civil Rights rights from under your stupid fucking noses. yet THIS is important. You people really are pathetic, whiny pieces of shit.

      • jpfitz says:

        More of a distraction. We all know how the Government has been stepping all over the principles of our great Country. It’s not just Obama, it’s all in government involved. Don’t forget about the #43 POTUS, The Patriot Act? The first foot put on our liberties.

  16. msbpodcast says:

    No. Republicans LOVE sex, and they don’t want you to have ANY.

    Its free, fun, self-limiting (even the most multi-orgasmic woman will stop or she’ll get a headache while men, well, we know about the male refractory period,) non-addicting, good for your health and your psyche, non-fattening, healthy and can be done alone in the privacy of your own head, (Jimmy Carter anyone 🙂 or in a throbbing, thrusting, accepting, sweaty, lust-filled pile of eroticism.

    It doesn’t need any expenditure (but you should at least buy her some flowers and some dinner, you cheapskate. [But some of the best times I’ve had was when we were both too broke to go out.])

    What’s not to love?

    For a Republican, the problem starts with the fact that its free.

    Anybody, anybody at all, can have sex. (It can even be mind-blowingly great sex and be engaged in with nothing pecuniary exchanging hands.)

    Sixteen centuries ago, the Catholic church tried to make it a sin to have it before mariage, but afterwards they encouraged it. Contraception was something else and they counted on the fact that nobody’s timing is perfect so they’d get lots more Catholics. (The expression is “Be fruitful and multiply … cannon fodder”)

    All other religions since have done the same. (Its free, fun and minimally intrusive.)

    That poor people can have sex which is potentially even better than their own, and for nothing, bothers Republicans.

    We should always remember that the order of survival is:

    Without Air, Four Minutes.
    Without Water, Four Days.
    Without Food, Four Weeks.
    Without Sex, For-ged-aboud-it.

  17. bobbo, always in wonderement that people hate reality so says:

    Bob, demonstrating the idiocy of Limbaugh is not singular says:
    3/6/2012 at 10:16 am

    So, we have all this outrage about Limbaugh (who grant you, I am not a fan of) /// and yet you post as if you were Rush himself

    calling this activist a slut. He then appoligized. /// No, he apologized for using the wrong words. The “idea” remained untouched. You do know what an idea is?

    So, when are the liberals who called Palin a cunt /// link?

    going to appoligize? /// I will. In fact, it was the only thing about her I did like.

    I mean if liberals are all up in arms about this, they are up in arms about what their side says right? /// Hey dipwad, in case you need a pole axe to the forehead==a majority of REPUBLICAN WOMEN VOTERS don’t appreciate this sexual gerrymandering on Rush’s part. The near non-majority Republican Women who don’t are either brain dead or not allowed to listen to the news.

    That being said, if this Activist wants to have sex with 100 guys a day, seven days a week that’s her business, //// Ha, ha. You so dumb. I do assume you have “heard” this slut was not talking about herself but her friend who lost an ovary due to delayed diagnosis because her friend feared her condition was covered? And her condition could have been regulated by the use of contraceptives. Think I read 40% of contraceptive are used for non-birth control womens health issues. Did you hear this???? Understand this???? Don’t care about this????? That but the asstard into your otherwise facially legitimate response.

    but its not the job of others to pay for her recreational activities. /// Why not? I like people getting the recreational activities they want without littering the world with unwanted kiddies. Why don’t you?

    What two adults consenting adults do is not for government to but into, /// agreed.

    but its also not for catholic institutions to pay for either. /// BS. Insurance BY DEFINITION is spreading a risk across the broadest base of risks possible. It lowers the cost of “everything” for everybody. Otherwise, the cost of insurance gets artificially and needlessly raised for everyone as the Ins Co’s go around spending money to cherry pick policy coverage and later to deny coverage under some limitation or another. Your shit for brains understanding of the basics is mostly what is wrong with health care in this country, religion in this country, and politics in this country. ….. Hey!!!—thats a TRIFECTA!!! Well done sir.

    What you are hearing are a loud minority on the right that believe that sex before marriage is against their religion. Most people on the right do not think this way (despite what Eidhard may believe),/// Whaaaaaaaaa? Sex before/outside/not for the purpose of procreation is the VERY ISSUE at issue here. Its foundational CATHOLIC DOGMA. Lots of protestants believe it too. Why you so dumb????

    and believe that if two people want to have sex, who cares, as long as they don’t interfere with the rights of others. /// Yes, and when the sex is in private, such violations cannot arise.

    The media is in the tank for Obama. /// So partisan. If they were, they would call the Clown Car of Republican out for their stupidity. They do, but not like they had this axe to grind. The “media” is mostly about trying, sometimes, to report on controversy. The Pukes right now are in a contested primary season. Thats all about controversy. Just stupid to blame Obama for the sun rising in the East.

    Their is no doubt about this, and even the neolibs on this board will have to admit its true if they are honest. // What is a neolib? I am a long suffering lib having to wade thru the type of stupidity you post here. I don’t think Obama is shown any more laxity that was BushtheRetard. The press gives away objectivity to gain access. They all respect the Office of President too much==all to our general injury.

    So who do you think they are going to interview, and which story do you think they are going to push? Any story that makes obama look good and republicans look bad must be pushed, and any story that makes Obama look bad must be buried. //// “If” Obama/Dumbo’s were even slightly better for America than the Pukes ((eg–this very issue for instance==women’s rights, healthcare, not invading Syria, not mindlessly supporting Israel–and on and on)) how could their coverage of the dispute between totally wrong and not so wrong not be slanted? when Reality is slanted, weighted to one side, how could the news covering it not also be?

    You so dumb.

    • Animby says:

      Bobbo – I didn’t hear what Limbaugh said nor his apology so I can’t comment on whether the outrage is justified or the reaction appropriate.

      What I do know is that the woman claimed contraceptives cost her a $1000 bucks a year. Now the way I figure it, you can get your birth control free without too much trouble but let’s say she is sooo honest she wants to pay for it herself. I read an article today that said Walmart sells most pills for around $10 a month and the most expensive cost around $40. Let’s put her middle-ish and say she’s spending $25.

      Now let’s all posit that she’s not only worried about birth control but STDs, too. What’s a condom cost? Say a buck a pop though I’m sure you can get them free from many places or buy them at Costco in bulk for much less. But let’s say a buck.

      At those prices, she must be having sex twice a day, seven days a week.

      Can’t be in a committed relationship cause no guy over the age of 17 is gonna flail away twice a day every day. Even teenagers get a bit tired now and then. SO, She doesn’t sound like a slut to me. Sounds more like a prostitute.

      Okay, people. Throw your slings and arrows at me. I don’t care and I don’t have any advertisers to lose.

      • bobbo, always in wonderement that people hate reality so says:

        Ha, ha. Animby!!!!!!!! My, my. Supporting the Limbaugh even as Limbaugh himself is offering the Limbaugh Apology???

        How do you have “her” side of the story ((as totally WRONG as you do)) and not have his?

        What fevered imagination has changed all the relevant cogent facts in your mind to agree with Lumbaugh’s premises??? Read my response just above AGAIN!

        The woman being called a slut did not raise her healthcare needs/druthers as an issue at all. She was talking about her FRIEND needing contraception services and other healthcare needs. BOTH she and her friend were talking about NON-SEX RELATED issues concomitant with family planning/fertility/reproductive health care needs.

        so==don’t find the many many google hits on the subject==just keep the stupid wheel rolling.

        • Animby says:

          Ah, Bobbo. Again you argue “facts” over truth.

          Whether her “friends” needed the help or her, the point is her “facts” are so vastly overstated they lead to satire.

          Or brothels.

        • McCullough says:

          Christ, the woman demands insurance be forced to pay for sex reassignment surgery, or they are discriminating against the sexually confused. Give this shit a rest, the woman is a complete liberal loonbat.

          • jpfitz says:

            It appears Fluke has had an agenda for years. Fluke is the wrong spokeswoman for her own fight. Insurance to pay for F’in sex change operations, gimme a break. Rush is a blowhard and hopefully all this sex stuff will blow over. Though the MSM loves this squirrel stuff.

  18. howard beale says:

    what if you had to meet that same criteria in order to vote for a republican?

  19. JimD, Boston, MA says:

    No, they don’t hate sex, the HATE OTHER PEOPLE HAVING SEX IN WAYS THEY DISAPPROVE OF !!! And of course, as FERVENT FASCISTS, THEY THINK THEIR WORD SHOULD BE LAW – LITERALLY !!!

  20. JimD, Boston, MA says:

    P.S. that ought to be “Having Sex (or even thinking about sex) …”

  21. Angel H. Wong says:

    2008 was the year that taught us how much they like gay sex.

  22. Buzz Mega says:

    Republicans know, right down to the core of their souls, that sex is a filthy, devilish, sin-inducing, horrible, inhuman, nasty business that will steal our immortal souls and cast all of human accomplishments onto the dung-heap of eternal damnation.

    Just ask them.

    • So what says:

      “sex is a filthy, devilish, sin-inducing, horrible, inhuman, nasty business that will steal our immortal souls ” You say this like its a bad thing. well it is if your doing it right.

  23. Luc says:

    Sheesh. You’re all way off. The Republicans are not the doofuses you all them to be. They are smart professional politics working on what matters: image. It’s their marketing. They’re selling this image, this concept, this PRODUCT to their target audience, their electorate.

    Do you think they are dumb, lame or creepy? Do you think you’re too intelligent to swallow this crap? Well, you don’t fucking matter. You are a minority. There is a huge majority of stupid people out there who will buy their phony, shit ideology, and will elect them, and you will keep paying your taxes and funding these cunning pros whether you like it or not.

    Democrats have their product, too. It’s all about catering to the foolish ideas of the largest subset of morons in America.

    It’s all nothing but a business. It’s just like rock’n’roll, like KISS or Ozzy Osbourne growing their hair long, wearing funny clothes and cultivating dark personalities. You are a moron if you take any of such antics seriously.

  24. Luc says:

    Correction: “…not the doofuses you all *want* them to be.”

  25. NewfornatSux says:

    The Republicans are the ones having the kids, at least among whites… but that’s probably too complicated for liberals.

    • Cap'nKangaroo says:

      Like the former Republican Gov. of SC Mark Sanford on his “hiking the Appalachian trail” sojourn, i.e. bonking his Argentine mistress.

    • So what says:

      True, but it tends to be with someone else s wife.

      As a side note I thought it was all those liberal, progressive, and on welfare minorities that were having all the kids. At least that what fox spews.

    • jpfitz says:

      Republican Kate plus eight Gosselin comes to mind. Being a McCain/Palin supporter and a pro-life evangelical. Now those buffoons are examples of much needed contraception.

  26. sargasso_c says:

    That ruins my life long ambition of representing Laurens County South Carolina as their GOP representative.

  27. Headshaker says:

    That headline has to be one of the most unrealistic headlines I’ve seen.

    Where does it state that the Republicans are against sex. ^ Oh that’s right sex in marriage doesn’t count ^

    So one can only be for sex if you think that you can have sex in a non committed relationship or if you’re in front of your monitor with your hands down your pants (which isn’t sex anyway).

    • So what says:

      “which isn’t sex anyway” That definition would only apply as long as your not the president and the GOP is wanting a reason to impeach you, in which case your going to be fair game.

    • Chris Donahue says:

      According to them, probably. Sex is to create children, that’s it. Masturbation or any sex outside marriage that doesn’t result in children is forbidden.

  28. Yaknow says:

    That is one step away from living like those crazy muslims are living. Next, it will be hiding the woman in layers of pilgrim dress and chastity belts.

  29. Yaknow says:

    The headline that is.

  30. birddog says:

    “America was founded by puritans and like it or not the anti-pleasure dogma of those buckled-shoed killjoys still pervades our collective unconscious like an I-max shot of Dennis Franz’s naked hairy cop ass. Hence, anything enjoyable is automatically forbidden and bad and in our panic to avoid it at all cost we become obsessed with it… like dressing up in a pink teddy and a pair of ugboots and repeatedly screaming the word ‘VERBOTEN!’ into a conk shell balanced on the back on a miniature pony… Oh, I see.. That would just be me.” – Dennis Miller


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