UPDATE: 4:44am, Pacific Time — Hasn’t happened yet. We will keep you informed of breaking non-happening news as the day go on.
UPDATE: 7:17am, Pacific Time — Still unRaptured.
UPDATE: 12:31pm, Pacific Time — Nothing yet, unless it’s happened and it’s the same as before.
UPDATE: 3:23pm, Pacific Time — I’m still here. Are you?
UPDATE: 6:55pm, Pacific Time — Running out of time for time to run out.
UPDATE: 11:59pm, Pacific Time — I’m thinking this ain’t gonna happen. Good night!
I’m currently planning on getting my laundry done tomorrow, no matter what happens.
Thousands of people around the country have spent the last few days taking to the streets and saying final goodbyes before Saturday, Judgment Day, when they expect to be absorbed into heaven in a process known as the rapture. Nonbelievers, they hold, will be left behind to perish along with the world over the next five months.
With their doomsday T-shirts, placards and leaflets, followers — often clutching Bibles — are typically viewed as harmless proselytizers from outside mainstream religion. But their convictions have frequently created the most tension within their own families, particularly with relatives whose main concern about the weekend is whether it will rain.
[…]
Ms. Douglas and other believers subscribe to the prophesy of Harold Camping, a civil engineer turned self-taught biblical scholar whose doomsday scenario — broadcast on his Family Radio network — predicts a May 21, 2011, Judgment Day. On that day, arrived at through a series of Bible-based calculations that assume the world will end exactly 7,000 years after Noah’s flood, believers are to be transported up to heaven as a worldwide earthquake strikes. Nonbelievers will endure five months of plagues, quakes, wars, famine and general torment before the planet’s total destruction in October. In 1992 Mr. Camping said the rapture would probably be in 1994, but he now says newer evidence makes the prophesy for this year certain.
With the end of the world predicted every so often, perhaps we should just make it a yearly event. A national holiday! I could use another day off from work…
Harold Camping, explaining it all.
Hey, it just hit me… maybe all the religious idiots will disappear tomorrow. Woo Hoo!
Who knew Jebus was making a cultural allusion from the future?
“I’ll be back!”
I won’t starve if I’m left here with the other heathens…there should be plenty of A href=”http://eatocracy.cnn.com/2011/05/20/give-squirrel-a-whirl/#comments?hpt=C2″>this available.
Hey M Perkel…this is what they’re good for. LOL
dammit
http://eatocracy.cnn.com/2011/05/20/give-squirrel-a-whirl/#comments?hpt=C2
As always, dear old Alfie is highly selective in the choice of biblical quotations with which he attempts to ‘educate’ us.
So, just for a change, let us examine a quotation that he is most unlikely ever to cite:
“Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.”[Ephesians 4:31-32]
Since Alfie’s contributions are almost always bitter, wrathful, angry and malicious – not to mention being far from kind, tenderhearted or forgiving, one is forced, reluctantly, to the conclusion that Alfie must be the anti-Christ. 🙂
#47 Well done – that little contribution has just proven my point, exquisitely.
The Rapture has now been officially cancelled. In a bit of under-reported news, the banks foreclosed on Heaven early last year when God lost his ass in the financial crisis, and the bankers refused to write down or restructure the mortgage so the Lord could keep up the payments. Adding insult to injury, it turns out that the streets weren’t really paved with gold after all. When God tried to sell off some of the gold pavement to raise some cash, it turned out that it was just cheap paint. Who could have seen that coming?
Anyway, Goldman Sachs picked up the property at auction and is now using Heaven as an executive retreat. Christians will be required to refrain from panhandling within 100 yards of the gated enclosure to Heaven. Luckily, St. Peter was able to keep his job as doorman even after Goldman took possession, so it’s not all bad news, although many of your “St. Peter” jokes may now be obsolete within the changed context of his job.
It’s already May 21 7:30am on this side of the world and all is normal.
Now, what’s for breakfast?
#53 Pedro, you better cram because I hear there’s a quiz and it’s in English only. You’re screwed.
this short article says people believe this kind of stuff because the are stupid, then goes on to discuss cognitive dissonance which seems totally off the subject to me.
http://newscientist.com/blogs/shortsharpscience/2011/05/why-do-so-many-people-love-a-d.html?DCMP=OTC-rss&nsref=online-news
Nutbags. What ya gonna do if you lose the bag?
Uh oh, I hear that Harold has refined his prediction so that the bad stuff doesn’t start until 6pm 21 May in Tonga, mid Paciic. It then slowly rolls on around the world as each place hits 6pm. If so we only have another 9 hours to wait on this side of the world. I wonder how he calculated this? If you check the world time zone map it is a total mess of zigzag lines. I suppose the goat herders who wrote the bible would have known about this. Yeah right!
What worries me, is what are these people going to do when nothing happens? Do we have another potential “Heaven’s Gate” situation here?
Some of this man’s followers have small children… perhaps the authorities should at least keep an eye on them until this whole thing has blown over and their leader comes up with a BS excuse as to why he was wrong (again).
Alphie,
Sorry dude. You’ve been voted off the planet. You’re an asshole who has repeatedly taken my name in vain. You have purposely mistreated my planet. You have demonstrated your wicked nature too many times.
Sorry dude, you’re out.
Dallas, Pedro probably had it rough being packed in a truck when he came to this country. Tomorrow will be like, “drop the weed whacker, get on the bus.” They’ll have special questions for Mexicans. Like, “what is the speed of dark?” “How many senoritas does it take to clean 100 hotel rooms by noon? “How cold was the Rio Grande?”
Man, this 6pm start sucks. It coincides with start of happy hour at my local bar. No consideration whatsoever. Thanks for nothing Harold.
Okay. No activity in the 21st-night opportunities for Big Earthquakes, pillars of fire, etc. in the NZ/Aussie quarter. Nuttin in Japan/China/Singapore sector. Looks like a bust so far.
Betcha the Sunday morning pronouncements include A) backpedaling, B) hemming, C) hawing and D) more ruminant exhaust.
PRIDE-check, Hey I’m a Leo of course I belong to a pride.
ENVY- check wish I’d thought to profit form the End of the World, guess those would be false profits
GLUTTONY- I’m an American got that covered, check
LUST- that Halle Berry is very attractive, check
ANGER- see Alf tax dude makes me mad some one could be so SO …, check ok I just laugh at him. I’ll need to work on anger
GREED- I give 0% of my wealth to the church, check
SLOTH- I guess I could be doing something useful instead of reading this stuff, check
I’m ready for the rapture
“Hey! Ho! Let’s go!”
They’re forming in a straight line
They’re going through a tight wind
The kids are losing their minds
The Blitzkrieg Bop
Well, this is interesting:
# 53 podman said, “It’s already May 21 7:30am on this side of the world and all is normal. Now, what’s for breakfast?”
Breakfast was rice congee and fish soup. God, I hope the End doesn’t come before I get back to the city for some decent food!
It’s a bit after eleven am here in SE Asia and your news that the event has been postponed to six pm is disheartening. It’s been raining a Noah’s flood here all morning and I thought that meant the months of tribulation had begun. Nobody appeared to have been lifted into heaven but they’re all Buddhists, anyway.
I did think I saw one of the horsemen this morning, riding through the rain with a glowing sword raised high. But it turned out to be a rice farmer coming to market on his buffalo with some sugar cane over his shoulder. Fool! He just doesn’t understand…
Thanks, podman. Keep in touch. Appreciate you keeping a sharp eye out and maybe you can talk the barman into starting happy hour a tribulation or two early today.
# 46 fred said, “Alfie’s contributions are almost always bitter, wrathful, angry and malicious … Alfie must be the anti-Christ.” Nah. Just a good Christian.
# 45 Alfie said, “as I float upward, I’ll be taking a whiz” Cheez Whiz, no doubt. To paraphrase – Twain? – if heaven will be full of people like Alfie, I’ll choose hell.
I saw one of these posters on metro and took a picture of it with my phone. I got a good laugh.
In related business, the Jehovah’s Witnesses have said the world was going to end a bunch of times. They even have recruiting drives around the idea.
Synopsis: God is coming back, he’s really angry, and we get to help him!
That would sound like a dangerous belief system if it came from, say, a middle eastern direction.
Apocalypse FAIL!
Of course, the day is still young. I could be the guy live-blogging the end of the world. Maybe I could even be famous one day!
I talked to a woman today who told me that all this talk was scaring the shit out of her. On reflection that sounds foolish. On second thought maybe not: if enough enough people give up on the idea of tomorrow then won’t stuff break down? Self-fulfilling prophesy anyone?
Relax people, It’s 4:05AM May 21 in New York but is now 6:05pm May 21 on this side of the planet and happy hour is underway at my local bar. No earthquake, No missing persons.
Cheers Harold you got it wrong.AGAIN!
#66 podman – Seven pm in Thailand. The earth DID move a bit here when the lady and myself shared a little afternoon delight. Just wanted to squeeze one last one in before the plague arrived. I thought I saw god but it may ave just been a mini-stroke. Now she says since we did it this afternoon, we don’t have to do it again tonight. “Have to?” I replied but she missed the point. So to speak. Now I’m worried that, perhaps, he meant 6pm in the States, somewhere, and we might not get our turn until 12 hours later! Oh, well. When midnight rolls around, I’m going to shake her awake and claim it’s time to celebrate another day of life!!
#59 Yup. He’s waiting for the post rapture looting to start.
He’s gonna be disappointed along with Alfred who crammed last night for the quiz.
OK, mon, dis be da REAL God talkin’ to ya now. I an’ I be tellin’ ya ta roll a fattie an’ wait ta see who’s gonna be taken an’ who’s gonna be tickin’ an’ who’s gonna be talkin’ an’ who’s gonna be tokin’. Ohhhh, dat be some GOOD sacrament, mon.
He did say 6:00 p.m. EASTERN. Cheesus still has time.
AAAAWWWWWWW DAMMIT THEY’RE STILL HERE!!!!!
Religion is the original FoolMaker™.
Available in churches, synagogues, and mosques worldwide.
the Applestore is down!!! IT’S HAPPENING!!!!
#51: “I’m feeling guilty…I repent.”
Schön wär’s
explains the basic tenants sb tenets
nonexistent is one word
The Deity Clock is ticking!
Give yourself to Jeebus while you still can. Vibrate the divine tympanic membrane with your confession of faith now.