UPDATE: 4:44am, Pacific Time — Hasn’t happened yet. We will keep you informed of breaking non-happening news as the day go on.
UPDATE: 7:17am, Pacific Time — Still unRaptured.
UPDATE: 12:31pm, Pacific Time — Nothing yet, unless it’s happened and it’s the same as before.
UPDATE: 3:23pm, Pacific Time — I’m still here. Are you?
UPDATE: 6:55pm, Pacific Time — Running out of time for time to run out.
UPDATE: 11:59pm, Pacific Time — I’m thinking this ain’t gonna happen. Good night!
I’m currently planning on getting my laundry done tomorrow, no matter what happens.
Thousands of people around the country have spent the last few days taking to the streets and saying final goodbyes before Saturday, Judgment Day, when they expect to be absorbed into heaven in a process known as the rapture. Nonbelievers, they hold, will be left behind to perish along with the world over the next five months.
With their doomsday T-shirts, placards and leaflets, followers — often clutching Bibles — are typically viewed as harmless proselytizers from outside mainstream religion. But their convictions have frequently created the most tension within their own families, particularly with relatives whose main concern about the weekend is whether it will rain.
[…]
Ms. Douglas and other believers subscribe to the prophesy of Harold Camping, a civil engineer turned self-taught biblical scholar whose doomsday scenario — broadcast on his Family Radio network — predicts a May 21, 2011, Judgment Day. On that day, arrived at through a series of Bible-based calculations that assume the world will end exactly 7,000 years after Noah’s flood, believers are to be transported up to heaven as a worldwide earthquake strikes. Nonbelievers will endure five months of plagues, quakes, wars, famine and general torment before the planet’s total destruction in October. In 1992 Mr. Camping said the rapture would probably be in 1994, but he now says newer evidence makes the prophesy for this year certain.
With the end of the world predicted every so often, perhaps we should just make it a yearly event. A national holiday! I could use another day off from work…
Harold Camping, explaining it all.
Can you imagine Camping, seeing the widespread news of nothing happening, now hoping against hope that some sort of major disaster will just puleeze occur to vindicate his insane prediction?
Top Ten Excuses That Judgement Day Didn’t Happen On May 21:
10. God changed his mind. He can do that.
9. Photoshop!
8. Still had checks left in my checkbook.
7. Used prediction soon to be on eBay!
6. Proof that Darwin is still dead.
5. Missed it by that much!
4. A guy was killed in a car accident. Worked for him!
3. Typo: rupture; not rapture. Hot water pipe; not whole world.
2. Damn Gregorian calendar.
1. Forgot to carry the “1.”
Just you wait. You’ll see. &%$#@!! nay-sayers.
So much for Camping unlocking the Bible codes from the book of Daniel. I always thought Daniel was a second-rate prophet anyway, much better suited for a carnival. He was nearly always dead-on when he guessed a person’s weight, but there wasn’t a huge demand for that back then, so he went into the apocalyptic vision biz instead. It turned out to be a good career move.
#80,
Alphie,
I already told you, “You just ain’t invited”. There is just no room for misguided, selfish, narcissistic, defaming, hateful, denigrating, assholes like you. That is NOT, and never was, what this whole thing is about.
#71 So what for the win
“AAAAWWWWWWW DAMMIT THEY’RE STILL HERE!!!!!”
I’m all for turning the other cheek and shit but if I were god, I’d kick Alfie in the nuts. He may as well quote from The Cat in the Hat. To even specify the “version” of the bible is nuts. It’s like Fox’s version of the news. Did you know that the majority of the disciples were illiterate? Those losers just hung out to get free wine.
@Sister Mary Hand Grenade of Quiet Reflection
… and some hot manly love.
If Alfred ever writes another comment in this blog after today’s Rapture, it will prove that he was left behind, cast aside as the Lord recognized those with wicked hearts and ill will toward others and rejected them.
Last chance to place your bets 🙂
ok so the rapture bus just pulled up to my house and i was going to get on the thing was almost empty but just then i saw one of those tree-shaped air fresheners on the mirror and all i could think was damn those scientologist were right.
Rapture, huh? Went out today to do some shopping and discovered that the lines at the major hardware and grocery stores were unbelievably long given it’s a just a Saturday afternoon. Now the grocery store I can understand, but hardware? Time to build a launch pad to Andromeda?
Since I’d waited so long in line at Loews, I thought I might stop for a Guinness on the way home. Nowhere to park!! Maybe you won’t be called unless you blow a 0.08.