This is what will happen for all pets registered with us immediately after the Rapture:

1. Our non-Christian administrators will activate our rescue plan.
2. Volunteers will be alerted immediately by email and telephone that they have been activated.
3. Pets will be assigned to our Volunteer Pet Caretakers based upon location and other factors.
4. Our administrators and Volunteer Pet Caretakers will do whatever it takes to find and rescue your pets. If your pet has a location chip, they’ll use that, or they’ll go to every location you’ve registered with us, and, if your pets are not at one of those locations, they’ll search for your cars as well as stay in contact with the local pet shelters. If they are unable to reach a Volunteer Caretaker in your area for whatever reason, our administrators will communicate with local animal organizations, like the Humane Society, to advocate for your pet’s rescue and care.
5. Our administrators will stay in touch with our Volunteer Pet Caretakers regarding each and every pet to be sure everything is being done to rescue and care for them.

Think about it, do you really want to trust a bunch of godless Liberals to raise your precious pup?




  1. So what says:

    But Gary, he’s a loving sky fairy.

  2. Gary, the dangerous infidel says:

    #53 So what, if you take away the hidden wires, that loving sky fairy falls down to earth like another accident-prone Spiderman on Broadway. Both shows should close permanently šŸ˜‰

  3. Elvis On Velvet says:

    every time Enough Already Dude post his false scriptur i might just post this and re post it ect… naa I just cant be that annoying

    “I PICK THE GOD DAMN terror of the fucking gods out of my nose! Pardon my language. But YEEEEEHAW, let the sons of God and man bear witness! Even in the belly of the Thunderbird I’ve been casting out the False Prohets; I’m busting a gut and blowing my O-ring, and ripe to throw a loaf! For I speak only the fucking Truth, and never in my days have I spoken other than! For my every utterance is a lie, including this very one you hear! I say, `Fuck’em if they can’t take a joke!’ By God, `Anything for a laugh’, I say. I am the last remaining Homo Correctus, I am the god damn Man of the Future! I’ll drive a mile so as not to walk a foot; I am a human being of the first god damn water! Yes, I’m the javalina humping junkie that jumped the Men from Mars! I drank the Devil under seven tables, I am too intense to die, I’m insured for acts o’ God and Satan! I was shanghaied by bodiless fiends and corporate aliens and got away with their hubcaps! I cannot be tracked on radar! I wear nothing uniform, I wear no god damn uniform! Yes baby, I’m 23 feet tall and have 13 rows o’ teats; I was suckled by a triceratops, I gave the Anti-Virgin a high-protien tonsil wash! I’m a bacteriological weapon, I armed and loaded! I’m a fission reactor, I fart plutonium, power plants are fueled by the sweat from my brow; when they plug me in, the lights go out in Hong Kong! I weigh 666 pounds in zero gravity, come and get me! I’ve sired retarded space bastards across the Cosmos, I cook and eat my dead; YAH-HOOOO, I’m the Unshaven Thorn Tree of the Atlantis Zoo! I pay no taxes! The Devil’s hands are my ideal playground! I hold the Seven-Bladed Windbreaker; the wheels that turn are behind me; I think backwards! I do it for fun! My imagination is a fucking cancer and I’ll pork it before it porks me! The say a godzillion is the highest number there is. Well by God! I count to a godzillion and one! Yes, I’m the purple flower of Hell County, give me wide berth; when I drop my drawers, Mother Nature swoons! I use a python for a prophylactic; I’m thicker, harder and meaner than the Alaskan Pipeline, and carry more spew! I’ll freeze your seed before it hits the bathroom tile! YEE! YEEE! I kidnapped the future and ransomed it for the past, I made Time wait up for me to bleed my lizard! My infernal breath wilts the Tree of Life, I left my spoor on the Rock of Ages, who’ll tear flesh with me, who’ll spill their juice? Who’ll gouge with me, whose candle will I fart out? Whoop! I’m ready! So step aside, all you butt-lipped, neurotic, insecure bespectacled slabs o’ wimp meat! I’m a Crime Fighting Master Criminal, I am Not Insane! I’m a screamer and a laugher, I make a spectacle of myself, I am a sight! My physical type cannot be classified by science, my `familiar’ is a pterodactyl, I feed it dipshits! I communicate without wires or strings! I am a Thuggee, I am feared in the Tongs, I have the Evil Eye, I carry the Mojo Bag; I swam the Bermuda Triangle and didn’t get wet! I circumcize dinosaurs with my teeth and make ’em leave a tip; I change tires with my tongue and my tool! Every night I hock up a lunger and extinguish the Sun! I’m the bigfooted devil of Level 14, who’ll try to blow me down? I’ve packed the brownies of the gods, I leak the Plague from my nether parts, opiates are the mass of my religion, I take drugs! Yes, I’m a rip-snorter, I cram coca leaves right into my arm-veins before they’re picked off the tree! Space monsters cringe at my tread! I wipe the Pyramides off my shoes before I enter my house. I’m fuel-injected, I’ll live forever and remember it afterwords! I’m immune! I’m radioactive! Come on and give me cancer, I’ll spit up the tumor and butter my bread with the juice! I’m supernatural, I bend crowbars with my meat ax and a thought! My droppings bore through the earth and erupt volcanoes in China! Yes, I can drink more wine and stay soberer than all the heathen Hindoos in Asia! YEEE HAW! Gut Blowout! I am a Moray Eel, I am a Komodo Dragon, I am the Killer Whale bereft of its pup! I have a triple backbone, I was sired by the Wolf Man, give me all your Slack! I told Jesus I wouldn’t go to church and He shook my hand! I have my own personal saviors, I change ’em every hour, I am a god damn visionary, I see the future and the past in comic books and wine bottles; I eat black holes for breakfast! I bend my genes and whittle my DNA with the sheer force of my mighty will! I steer my own god damn evolution! I ran ’em out of Heaven and sold it to Hell for a profit! I’m enlightened, I achieved `Nirvana’ and took it home with me. Yip, yip, YEEEEEEE! I’m so ugly the Speed of Light can’t slow me down and Gravity won’t tug at my cuffs! When the Rapture comes, I’ll make ’em wait!

    http://subgenius.com/bigfist/classic/classics/The-Brag.html

  4. GregAllen says:

    >> Hyph3n said, on April 10th, 2011 at 4:12 pm
    >> Not what I expected on the Dvorak blog.

    You don’t hang out here much, do you?

    >> When I asked how, because I thought the Bible said animals did not have souls, he said God would make them new ones. So, there you goā€¦

    I don’t think the bible says this. The best I can tell, the ancient Hebrews had a more holistic view of nature than most of us do today. Conservative Christians like to cite the Genesis passage about humans taking “dominion” over creation but they ignore the fact that the Hebrews evolved over time — including their understanding of how to respect the land.

  5. GregAllen says:

    Wows, Elvis On Velvet! You might want to dial-back on the crystal meth a little.

  6. Animby says:

    # 22 Gary said, “…kill an animal in a specific manner and sprinkle its blood on their doorpost?”

    Isn’t religion fun? The all powerful, all knowing god needs a poor innocent animal killed so it’s blood can be splashed on the door so he will know to skip this particular house and go kill some other baby. Especially difficult since da jews didn’t live intermingled with the Egyptians. Maybe the omniscient wise old being in the sky could have just told his moronic angels to skip the Jewish ghetto?

    # 31 Alfie said, “…its a fact they built pyramids etc which we cannot build today…” That’s such a popular thing to say and so untrue. Just because we choose NOT to do something doesn’t mean we can’t. In the late 60s, engineers literally dismantled a mountain by cutting it into huge blocks and then reassembled them a few hundred meters away. Why? To save the Nubian monuments that were carved into their sides and the temples that were within from the waters of the new lake being formed by the Aswan dam. I invite you to confirm what I’ve said, Just google Abu Simble.

    Besides we CAN and HAVE built a pyramid. It’s even visible from satellites. I invite you to fire up google earth and fly to: 36Ā°05’36.85″N
    115Ā°10’31.16″W

  7. foobar says:

    I like the idea of spending eternity with dogs.

  8. ubiquitous talking head says:

    Donā€™t you eyes just tear up?

    Try
    1. Decaf
    2. lithium
    3. 9mm hole in your head to let the demons escape.

    Not necessarily in that order.

  9. right says:

    Stupid religious nutjobs.

    Check out evilbible dot com and godisimaginary dot com.

    Stupid religious nutjobs.

  10. Jim E. Hoffa says:

    When the Rapture starts, I’m gonna grab my skeet gun. ^o^

    PULL!

  11. howard beale says:

    #63 wrong Alpheeye
    you live in a dream world(and its a bad dream)
    http://whatthefuckhasobamadonesofar.com/

  12. tcc3 says:

    As usual, when confronted TeaDud changes the subject. Soon he’ll abandon the thread altogether, to start peddling his shit on another post.

  13. Mr, Ed - the Original (accept no Chinese knock-offs)) says:

    Oh, “Rapture.” I thought it said rupture. Down, Fido!

  14. Olo Baggins of Bywater says:

    I’m not watching anybody else’s goddamned dogs. So don’t even ask.

  15. Gary, the dangerous infidel says:

    #67, You keep trying to rebut peripheral arguments, but I see that my central thesis remains untouched, and all your verbiage is nothing but twaddle if you cannot address that critical point.

    You haven’t shown a single shred of scriptural evidence that Moses or any other Israelite disseminated the secret of the lamb’s blood ritual to even ONE EGYPTIAN, much less EVERY Egyptian across the land whose child would be killed. Tell me where it says that Egyptians knew about the lamb’s blood ritual. I want to read that story! Do you understand? Something so specific cannot be implied or assumed. They couldn’t do what they didn’t specifically KNOW to do. Don’t tell me what you personally BELIEVE — show me the Holy Scripture! For the purposes of this debate, I’m granting the premise that the scripture is TRUE, because even if taken at face value, this is the tale of a hateful deity.

    Your smoke and mirrors about the “law of the foreigner” shows me how desperate you are to obscure how unjust and vicious this plague upon the Egyptians was. That law of the foreigner is IRRELEVANT, and didn’t exist until after the plague, and wasn’t even widely known to the Egyptian community! What about “irrelevant” don’t you understand?

    Just show me the scripture proving all the Egyptians knew about, and rejected, the lamb’s blood ritual. I can’t wait to read it. That is the only thing that would inject even a tiny amount of fairness into this myth. As it is, it just looks racist…
    “Then there shall be a great cry throughout all the land of Egypt, such as was not like it before, nor shall be like it again. But against none of the children of Israel shall a dog move its tongue, against man or beast, that you may know that the LORD does make a difference between the Egyptians and Israel.”
    –Exodus 11:6-7, NKJV

  16. Floyd says:

    Me, I prefer Blondie’s version of Rapture. Great song…

  17. Gary, the dangerous infidel says:

    #71, All this talk about “viral” communications in primitive, agrarian Egypt is just about what I’d expect from you, along with the usual collection of unfounded assumptions, inferences, and beliefs.

    Yet still I see no citations of scriptural evidence that all the Egyptians were given the specific secret of the lamb’s blood ritual, or that it could have even saved their children from being killed by your god. Instead, you appear to lay the burden of proof on me to show that Egyptians DIDN’T know the secret ritual, or that they COULDN’T have spread it virally. Without that proof of the negative, you think it quite natural to believe that every one of them had the power to save their child from god’s wrath, but chose not to do so. Wow, I did NOT see that coming — what a clever logician you are!

    The Bible doesn’t even hint that the secret was given to anyone but the Israelites, and scripture clearly shows that the Egyptians were the intended targets, and that the Israelites were intended to be spared (although not guaranteed), as I already cited. For someone who reveres the Holy Scripture so much, you certainly don’t let it restrict you from going well outside its boundaries to find beliefs that suit you.

  18. bobbo, Republicans are Killing America says:

    since god is on hiatus.

    Randy Newman, Gods Song:

    Cain slew Abel Seth knew not why
    For if the children of Israel were to multiply
    Why must any of the children die?
    So he asked the Lord
    And the Lord said:

    “Man means nothing he means less to me
    than the lowiliest cactus flower
    or the humblest yucca tree
    he chases round this desert
    cause he thinks that’s where i’ll be
    that’s why i love mankind

    I recoil in horror from the foulness of thee
    from the squalor and the filth and the misery
    How we laugh up here in heaven at the prayers you offer me
    That’s why i love mankind”

    The Christians and the Jews were having a jamboree
    The Buddhists and the Hindus joined on satellite TV
    They picked their four greatest priests
    And they began to speak
    They said “Lord the plague is on the world
    Lord no man is free
    The temples that we built to you
    Have tumbled into the sea
    Lord, if you won’t take care of us
    Won’t you please please let us be?”

    And the Lord said
    And the Lord said

    “I burn down your cities–how blind you must be
    I take from you your children and you say how blessed are we
    You must all be crazy to put your faith in me
    That’s why i love mankind
    You really need me
    That’s why i love mankind”

  19. Gary, the dangerous infidel says:

    #75, now you’re back to making up lies again, but that’s where you and your Christian, Jewish, and Muslim colleagues excel, so there’s no point in stopping now. The closest thing to a public declaration of the secret lamb’s blood ritual was made to the “elders of Israel,” not the people across Egypt. You keep trying to portray a situation where the Egyptians deserved to have their children killed. That’s truly sociopathic.

    You have a vivid enough imagination to write your own Bible, but the one the rest of us have says that your god specifically told Moses that the Egyptians were the target, so not only are your continued claims completely unsupported by Holy Scripture, but it is illogical according to the stated objectives of this plague. No attempt whatsoever was made by your god or by the Israelites to spare the Egyptian children once Pharaoh’s decision was made.

    You only make this unscriptural claim for the purpose of injecting some semblance of fairness in an attempt to obscure the hateful intent of a god who accomplishes his will by killing children, just as terrorists do today. Your declaration of victory is as hollow as your head.

    I’ve already admitted to being mildly retarded, always trying my best to work around it, but now I’ve proven it for all to see by arguing with an total idiot.

  20. So what says:

    Yes alfie won. He proved to everyone here he is the most fanatically “religious” idiot here.

  21. Animby says:

    Don’t look at it as slaying Egyptian children,
    Think of it as god giving his stamp of approval to post-birth abortion.

  22. Animby says:

    # 79 Alfie, “His support for infanticide, and lack of a birth certificate, is oddly reminiscentā€¦”

    Geez, I hate to engage you in conversation Alf but, reminiscent of WHAT???

  23. Beale says:

    the sad thing is we are Alfie only human contact
    stupid humans

  24. smartalix says:

    So the angel of death has to look at everyone’s front door before acting? WHy not on the roof? Why not on the foreheads (a la ash wednesday)?

    Is it just me or does the Bible constantly demonstrate the primitive viewpoint of the writers? If that is the case does it mean that the Bible is allegorical instead of literal because God knew that the transcription method(people) was flawed?

    Either way, I wish I was soulless enough to take money from foolish people. I’ll have to leave that to right-wingers.

  25. bobbo, the psycho babbling troll says:

    Speaking of psycho babble, and it does take one to know one, let’s parse:

    #82 Reminiscent, tending to recall something. The ancient Egyptians didnā€™t view the Israelite s as citizens, /// reminiscent of YOU not viewing Obama as a citizen

    so enacted genocide against them, killing all the males. /// Yep, Egyptians like YOU forced their views on others.

    Obama is likely not a American born citizen, /// in what parallel universe is this likely?

    and he commands the death of millions of American infantsā€¦.by supporting abortion. /// Obama supports only the right of individuals to choose their own course==something you would deny as a figment of the American Taliban.

    Weird. Just saying, there are parallels of sorts. /// It is weird–YOU acting like a fascist Egyptian Pharaoh of days gone by and blaming a good Christians for all your ills.

    Ha, ha. Poor dumb Alfie not recognizing parallels go to infinity crossing all other parallels that aren’t parallel.

    Of sorts.

  26. Animby says:

    #86 Bobbo – Thank you. Saves me having to respond to that foolish drivel.

  27. Thomas says:

    #4
    Your argument supposes Godā€™s relocating the firstborn of Egypt, to the realm of the dead, was an unloving act.

    And what says love more than taking a parent’s child away?

    What proof have you these suffered any lasting harm?

    You mean other than death? What proof do you have that they did not?

    #13
    There are reams of sound legal and historical argument for the existence of God.

    ROFL. He’s here all week folks. Try the veal. I’m going to guess these are the same “sound” arguments to prove that a fat bastard flies in a sleigh pulled by flying reindeer around the world every year distributing toys.

    #71
    Pharaoh and his court were Egyptians, and what happened would ā€œgo viralā€ in Egyptian society.

    Right. The Pharaoh’s plan was to have personal messengers rick-roll everyone about the blood ritual. Are you completely deranged. THAT is the your argument? Really?! Another problem with your theory: there is no evidence that Moses told Pharaoh specifically about the blood ritual. Bonus problem: the Bible specifically says that your God was the one that ensure Pharaoh would not let the Israelis go. (Exodus 11:10). So basically, your deity convinced the Egyptians not to let the Israelis leave and then punished them for it.

    “Fear me…because I love you.”


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