WASHINGTON—In a strong rebuke of President Obama and his domestic agenda, all 242 House Republicans voted Wednesday to repeal the Asteroid Destruction and American Preservation Act, which was signed into law last year to destroy the immense asteroid currently hurtling toward Earth.
The $440 billion legislation, which would send a dozen high-thrust plasma impactor probes to shatter the massive asteroid before it strikes the planet, would affect more than 300 million Americans and is strongly opposed by the GOP.
“The voters sent us to Washington to stand up for individual liberty, not big government,” Rep. Steve King (R-IA) said at a press conference. “Obama’s plan would take away citizens’ fundamental freedoms, forcing each of us into hastily built concrete bunkers and empowering the federal government to ration our access to food, water, and potassium iodide tablets while underground.”
Found by Cinàedh.
The Onion is slipping. They can’t compete with this, “Smug EPA Director Says Contaminated Water Causes Autism”.
Iodine tablets can be bought from Amazon to kill the germs in water so you can drink it but I suggest you filter it first. I have a bottle stashed just in case the water treatment plant gets damaged and the water isn’t safe.
Scientists have recently totaled the btu output of Republican-backed business and personal dwellings, noting that it exactly matches the required excess that accounts for climate change, a.k.a. global warming.
More on this, later.
[Duplicate comment deleted. Please don’t double post! – ed.]
This story is not up to The Onion’s usual high standards.
It is entirely believable to me Republicans and the Tea Party would prefer to see the planet destroyed, rather than support a man who happens to be black.
If this was a real story? I wouldn’t be surprised. It seems some things are just more important than surviving as a race (i.e. the human race).
In this case I can kind of see where the Republicans are coming from.
Shooting an asteroid won’t lower his taxes, nor will it keep him in office longer.
Well maybe it will keep him in office.
But it won’t lower his taxes!
So there you go.
The sheeple would surely want the GOP focus on asteroid avoiding measures. I mean did you see the movie?
The biggest logical gap for me here was that we wouldn’t try to destroy the asteroid, we would just try to change its course so that it doesn’t come near us again.
I hope that most people realize that The Onion News Network, alias The Onion is a parody news site. Many papers and other news sites have also thought the news on thius site was legitimate. They had to later retract the stories they had gotten off this web site.
[Note the “humor” tag. – ed.]
Well, intentional or not, the parallel is Obama Care with said program not being as extreme and having the fallacy that it probably is, or “should be”, unconstitutional.
Very much the same example in that the Pukes have no alternative except those that line their own pockets.
10, Bobbo,
It IS unconstitutional. FDR tried to propose government-run health care in a 2nd Bill of Rights which failed miserably.
Easy to say when the Democrats shut the public and the Republicans out of any committee meetings concerning ObamaCare and passed it with virtually no one having actually reading the bill cover to cover.
You mean, The Onion makes these headlines up!
Guyver–its not unconstitutional until the SCOTUS rules and there is a clear line of argument to support it==just as your example of FDR shows. Just because YOU and I think the Commerce Clause is being over applied actually means the Constitutional Restrictions that we see are not recognized by the SCOTUS. Unlike AGW, the answer to this will be provided in a few months.
You shutting me out of a meeting does not affect my ability to provide an alternative AT ALL. Partisan slime like that are unworthy of you—-one would hope.
SHUT THE FUCK UP!
Fucking asshole libs.
Free healthcare is not free. Somebody pays. People like me.
Fuck the lowlife poor people.
Let ’em die.
#14 1873 Colt
Ah, the Dis-United States of Me and Mine Alone!
Makes sense. When the Chinese invade, you and your family and friends can defend the country all by yourselves with your big guns.
Everyone else? They can sit it out on the sidelines and (maybe) cheer for you (maybe not!).
Woo Hoo!
I hear Republicans are soft on brain eating aliens as well.
Doesn’t everyone here understand the asteroid IS OBAMACARE! and the Republicans are saving the planet by destroying it?
hey, i already have an underground bunker and all that other stuff….
Either party is against the other party.
It doesn’t matter if the asteroid is going to land right on Washington, they’ll stall, invoke all kinds of secret holds, argue that gravity is not a law ratified by the congress, pull any shit to deny partisanship while kicking the other guy in the shins.
Fuck ’em both.
Rufus Redneck in #15 said When the Chinese invade…
When the Chinese invade they’ll send some of our cops to foreclose on your government, chase you off of their property and that’ll be that.
I don’t see them taking the trouble to dirty their dinner napkins over the likes of me and thee.
If you’re lucky, they won’t be Houston cops who’d beat the crap out of you first.
But since they’re cops, they’re bound to get their licks in somehow, probably at the sale of your real-estate. They’ll probably piss on the azaleas and tear up your PPRV.
Some people don’t know funny. Others aren’t funny. Then there are those who pick their nose.
#20 podperson
Whoooooooosh…………………………..
Good grief! You’ve missed the entire point and I don’t think it is even possible to make it any simpler!
Still, I am happy you got to spew some venom.
That has got to be filthy, nasty, smelly, corrosive stuff you carry around in your head all the time. I do hope you are feeling better now.
😀
“It is entirely believable to me Republicans and the Tea Party would prefer to see the planet destroyed, rather than support a man who happens to be black.”
Which only illustrates two things:
1. You don’t know many Tea Partiers.
2. You’ve been duped by the mainstream media’s one-sided description of them.
3. (bonus!). You’ve outed yourself as an idiot.
– a black tea partier.
I think the only reason we’d see this kind of subversiveness from the GOP is because *their* constituents weren’t the recipients of the clear majority of the contracts that would need to be awarded to make this happen. Where there’s money involved, it’s only OK if the money is going into Republican pockets.
#23 craig
On the Internet, no-one knows you’re black – or white, for that matter. I fully expect the Tea Party has a host of shills, bouncing around the Internet, spreading silly lies to the gullible. It is their modus operandi, after all.
If you do happen to be a brother, watch out! I seriously doubt the Koch brothers plan to keep you around for very long after the revolution.
I’m surprised that some of the Reader’s comments appear to take the Onion story literally instead of an exercise in ‘irony’. Of course I’m assuming that all of you are listeners of Dvorak’s and Curry’s “No Agenda.” Therefore your BS detectors should be finely tuned. Some of you like #9 and #17 realize that the Onion writer is using irony. I think Rufus RedNeck (#’s 5, 15 & 22) suspects irony is being employed but in the end he doesn’t seem to realize how simplistic our national news coverage has become, i.e. “trains good, planes bad.” SOME OF YOU seemed to take the story, “Republicans Vote to Repeal Obama-Backed Bill that Would Destroy Asteroid Headed for Earth,” at face value; this is a mistake!
If any of you need better understanding as to how irony can be employed please google “A modest proposal” by Jonathan Swift. It was written in 1729 as criticism of the The Kingdom of Great Britain’s policy toward the Irish people. I would agree that the Onion’s writer does not write clearly BUT to those of you who listen to ‘No Agenda’ this story’s intent should have been a piece of cake!
>its not unconstitutional until the SCOTUS rules
Bobbo, you’re being unclear here. The Supreme Court has the final say for the judicial branch, but it is not the only say. As of right now, a federal judge has ruled the law IS unconstitutional and thrown it out. He didn’t issue an injunction but gave declaratory relief which he said was the equivalent of an injunction. He has to be overruled or a stay awarded by a higher court for the health care law to comeback into effect.