Her story feels painfully cinematic and over-rehearsed. She three times ducked the opportunity to follow up with Portland police investigators, then tried to micromanage the Portland Tribune’s attempt to report the sexual assault. And, according to the executive editor of the National Enquirer, she demanded $1 million for her side of the lurid tale.

Yet for all that, I tend to believe Portland’s red-headed masseuse and her accusations about Al Gore. Though she does carry on in the 67-page play-by-play she finally dumped on police detectives in 2009, there’s the ring of truth in the breathless narrative about a politician coming on like Bill Clinton to a woman who has no interest in being Monica Lewinsky.
[…]
Her account of their evening together occasionally reads like Quentin Tarantino’s entry in the annual Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest because the masseuse is reading a statement that was two years in the making.

When Gore berates her for refusing to massage those famous lower abdominals, the masseuse says she replies “in a softer, terrified, calming tone, ‘No impropriety was inferred, sir.'”

But she soon realized, “much to my horror, that I was in the perfect storm: … in a room with someone who was Teflon-coated in terms of his credibility and celebrity.” And someone, no less, demanding a happy ending!

“My mind was now reeling from this absolute betrayal.”

Found by Gasparrini




  1. Nate Homier says:

    I think this would make an awesome game. You would play as the woman and run around trying to avoid being touched by Al while at the same time trying to do a proper massage. Loved this CG video, LOL. Although I think CG Al needed a bit more makeup in the cheeks, he didn’t look enough like a clown.

  2. Animby says:

    #1 Nate; the CG also needed some more abdominal padding.

    UncDave – I agree with you though I suspect the tale, like a lake trout, has grown somewhat in the telling. Won’t surprise me if we soon have some more masseuses coming forward with their hardon training … errr … carbon trading experiences.

  3. Father says:

    It is interesting how the CG characters have Chinese (Asian) body language.

    It would be an interesting insight into Al (I invented the Internet, am going to save the planet) Gore’s mind if this turned out to be true.

  4. Uncle Dave says:

    #4: Well, it was created in Taiwan.

  5. KMFIX says:

    Bullshit for a million. Why not.

  6. ascolti says:

    The part when VR Al Gore has a tantrum is HYSTERICAL.

  7. Gasbag says:

    Looks like a Sims game to me 🙂

  8. Zybch says:

    I feel a little bit dirty after watching that.
    Sure, its not real, but neither are the claims the massage bitch has made against Gore, it all seems too well though out.
    Now I don’t particularly like the guy but I hate freaking scum sucking bottom, dwelling gold diggers a lot more.

  9. Dallas says:

    ‘No impropriety was inferred, sir.’

    LOL. What a story! The GOP slime machine needs to work this one better before they go broader. I would advise this bitch to drop the extortion path with GOP help.

    Instead, she should write sex novels for republican sex deprived wives and make a bundle!

  10. Lou says:

    You might think the guy who invented the internet would know how to find a proper Ho on it.

  11. SixSixSix says:

    I’m not sure if this story falls into the category of Tea Bagger Vivid Dreaming, The Golden Age of Blackmail, The Wondrous Trolling of Al Gore, the revelation of the real ManBearPig or the discovery of the WomanManBearPigKneader but someone needs to be voted off The Island, pronto.

  12. Tipper says:

    Troll bait.

  13. Buzz says:

    “…in all, I had to fend him off 53 or 54 times. It was a nightmare. The wine was two buck chuck.”

  14. ray says:

    god dammit, u guys at this blog keep forgetting to put it in the HUMOR category.

  15. The0ne says:

    I expected more of you Japan and you let China beat you to it!!! Shame on you…

  16. Asshole says:

    If the story is true at least Gore was going after a woman unlike so many Republican members of Congress.
    Really piss poor CG work. Must have been done by a retarded 2nd grader or Sarah Palin.


0

Bad Behavior has blocked 4592 access attempts in the last 7 days.