Spectators to this must be like those who go to car races to see the wrecks. Only in this case pretty much everyone comes out of it needing some body work.

Okay kids, today’s activity is to go down to your local Pizza Hut, have the oven set for 261° and insert your body into it. The tips of your ears start to ignite. The backs of your arms scream. Your throat burns as if somebody had stuck a tiki torch down it. Your lips feel bitten by large, unseen raccoons. And you haven’t hit 30 seconds.

Now do it for 10 minutes or more, and that’s what it’s like to compete in quite possibly the world’s dumbest sport: the Sauna World Championships.

I know. I entered.
[…]
You’d be amazed at how much fun it is to watch a grown man come apart like a $9 sweater. A Belarusian started out sane, just sitting there. Every 30 seconds a pitiless stream of water came out from a ceiling shower in the center of the sauna and splashed on the molten-hot rocks, creating a 100% humidity level in the room that would melt gold. About two minutes in our man started rocking a little. At three his eyes started blinking oddly. At four he began twitching. At five his eyes got huge. At six he started swallowing each breath like a gulp of scorching soup. Then he started glancing around wildly, as if to say to the others, Are you mad? Don’t you see what’s happening? They’ve locked us in a Crock-Pot! He started wiping his eyes and mouth. He moved his hands out toward his thighs to rub them, then realized that’s not allowed and did so anyway, crazily, as though he were covered in lice. The judges flagged him once, then twice. Then he lurched for the door, and he was out. Sanity and cool air whooshed back into his brain, and suddenly he was normal and smiling again.




  1. ray says:

    stick a fork in them. they’re done.

  2. bobbo, deep into new age philosophies says:

    A while back I used to take steam baths 2-3 times a week. I felt great. I think the steam affects your muscles (relaxes them) and helps clean out your mucous membranes (fewer colds and sore throats?).

    Going to put a mini steam bath in the second bathroom when I gather all the parts off craigs list.

  3. verycheeky says:

    Ohh for a second there i thought you where mentioning Australian AFL..

  4. seetheblacksun says:

    This is a proper sport for sure. Like stupidest is a proper word.

  5. Uncle Dave says:

    #4: http://thefreedictionary.com/stupidest

    I have to say I like their ad:

    “stupidest Online. Shop Target.com.”

  6. melorant says:

    @ Egon Ruuda
    We have, it’s called midsummer

  7. Hastur says:

    @melorant
    Don’t forget that midsummer also includes fornication, which makes it a Quadrathlon.

  8. The DON says:

    Here we have several darwin awards candidates. Lets watch them do their stuff.

  9. melorant says:

    @Hastur
    Well, there are a LOT of babies born in March and April in this country. By the way, the Sauna World Championships are done the extreme way. This is not how it’s normally done. Furthermore, the reporter is exaggerating the burning feeling and the dangers of sauna bathing. It’s normally a very relaxing thing to do.

  10. Hastur says:

    @melorant
    I’m Swedish, born in April. We call it Bastu and we’re not quite as religious about it as the Finns, but I do know the practice well. Don’t forget the birch twigs.

  11. angry says:

    The guy on the left, Adam Curry, needs to get outta there and back to podcasting. HAR!

  12. Dallas says:

    I would agree that watching two guys beat the crap out of each other is more entertaining.

  13. mobile games says:

    it looks like they dieing out from the temperature there, i even can’t think about to be there.

  14. MarcoB says:

    No offense, but the guy on the left looks like John C. Dvorak. Maybe a long distance relative.

    I love this blog.

  15. Pround Finn says:

    Sauna rocks!

    #6 could be….of course we have a lot of practise since most people have had their first sauna since they were newborn and every week after that.

  16. Animby says:

    No ball = not a sport.

    This is an endurance test. Do they get to go roll in the snow after?

  17. Olo Baggins of Bywater says:

    melorant #10…the reporter is one of the great sportswriters of all time. He can be overly-dramatic at times, and extremely funny, but he’s not prone to making things up.

  18. Rabble Rouser says:

    Sorry, but most of the motorsports fans that I know of, go to races to see cars go fast! Many of us deplore wrecks. If you were to go to an SCCA Vintage race, there are NO wrecks. People come out to see the beautiful historic cars, still go around the track F-A-S-T, and look at them close up before and after the race.

  19. The0ne says:

    #19
    The comment is made because of recent surveys of Nascar attendee’s. Many of them attend the races for the wrecks. Sadly, people then take this and apply to whatever sports they see fit. Ignore them, there is nothing you can do to persuade them.

    I love Rally races. I love the different terrains, the different car setups for them, the speed at which they zoom through some dense and dangerous courses O.o It’s all thrilling. I don’t like seeing any driver get into wrecks.


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