“The Devil made ‘em do it!”

Sex abuse scandals in the Roman Catholic Church are proof that that “the Devil is at work inside the Vatican”, according to the Holy See’s chief exorcist.

Father Gabriele Amorth, 85, who has been the Vatican’s chief exorcist for 25 years and says he has dealt with 70,000 cases of demonic possession, said that the consequences of satanic infiltration included power struggles at the Vatican as well as “cardinals who do not believe in Jesus, and bishops who are linked to the Demon”.

He added: “When one speaks of ‘the smoke of Satan’ [a phrase coined by Pope Paul VI in 1972] in the holy rooms, it is all true – including these latest stories of violence and paedophilia…”

Father Amorth told La Repubblica that the devil was “pure spirit, invisible. But he manifests himself with blasphemies and afflictions in the person he possesses. He can remain hidden, or speak in different languages, transform himself or appear to be agreeable. At times he makes fun of me.”

He said it sometimes took six or seven of his assistants to to hold down a possessed person. Those possessed often yelled and screamed and spat out nails or pieces of glass, which he kept in a bag. “Anything can come out of their mouths – finger-length pieces of iron, but also rose petals.”

He said that hoped every diocese would eventually have a resident exorcist…

He’s also head of the Exorcist’s Union. I’d love to listen in on contract negotiations with the Pope.




  1. #29 – Timuchin,

    #27, sorry to upset you by punching a hole in your Humanist worldview.

    Seems your post got cut off. There must have been some argument you made after this. Please repost it.

    Oh, and I’m not a humanist. Try arguing with me based on what I say rather than what you assume.

  2. #32 – Timuchin,

    #31 Christians can actually call upon God to neutralize poisons. We have shut down the adverse side effects from chemotherapy numerous times over more than a decade. We have neutralized carcinogens the same way. We have saved organs that were shutting down by neutralizing the poisons in those organs.

    All of this is done without using the power of suggestion.

    It has long been known that placebos often help people, even placebo surgery can work.

    That said, what you are suggesting really and truly does make you seriously delusional and quite likely a danger to others. I am no longer joking when I say that you should check yourself into a nice institution.

    I will not respond to further posts of yours as there is not much left for me to say other than “get help … fast!”

  3. Somebody says:

    I never believed in exorcism, but that article really turned my head around.

  4. Greg Allen says:

    The numbers in this story are hinky.

    If the guy became a priest at age 20 and did 70,000 exorcisms, that’s an average of about three a day with no holidays or weekends.

    Is that possible?

  5. Dirk Thundernuts says:

    #64 said, “If the guy became a priest at age 20 and did 70,000 exorcisms, that’s an average of about three a day with no holidays or weekends.

    Is that possible?”

    Yes, Catholics are pretty fucked up.

  6. Nugget Coombs says:

    “Father Amorth told La Repubblica that the devil was “pure spirit, invisible”.
    That sounds a lot like Vodka or Gin, maybe that’s what Timuchin has been drinking???

  7. soundwash says:

    um…hello, -the vatican feeds
    off sexual energy..

    #66 -one might say it’s just pure energy spinning the wrong way. (bad vibes)

    -or a ying that got separated from it’s yang. *shrug*

    one thing is for sure..there is no such thing as a devil.

    -s

  8. Uncle Patso says:

    Didn’t I see that on the sci-fi channel late one night?

    – = – = –

    # 5 srgothard:
    “This is what happens to people who claim to follow the Bible but stop reading it. The Bible expressly warns against some of the Catholic teachings that brought things to this point (e.g., teaching of demons and forbidding marriage). […]”

    You know, it’s funny, but I went to Catholic schools for a dozen years and I can’t remember a single one of my classmates being a demon…

    – = – = – =

    # 64 Greg Allen:
    “[…] If the guy became a priest at age 20 and did 70,000 exorcisms, that’s an average of about three a day with no holidays or weekends.

    Is that possible?”

    The article says he’s the Vatican’s Chief Exorcist. I think that makes him a kind of Executive Exorcist, overseeing the work of others all over the world. But still, wow!

  9. brian t says:

    The devil? If there is a devil, he’s thinking “gay sex in the Vatican? I wish I’d thought of that …”

    These religions must die, and they will die if everyone walks out, taking their money with them. It’s, like, so OVER, dude.

  10. clancys_daddy says:

    So basically the devil made them do it, thanks a lot flip wilson. Sorry couldn’t help it the devil made me do it.

  11. #39 – Skeptic of the AOBCCS,

    Great post. I might take advantage of your services. Personally, I found I could make more money by just selling my soul to Satan outright. I wasn’t using it anyway.

  12. Hurty gurty says:

    #70- Well actually you are almost right.. Killer, is Geraldine Jones in reality 🙂

  13. #51 – GRtak,

    I can’t hate somebody else’s phalicy.

    Great pun!! Was that intentional? I love it. Way to call god a prick!

  14. Skeptic of the AOBCCS says:

    #71 MScott… thanks. 🙂

    It seems no one believes that I can use the willing Satan to cause damage, yet the stingy God will gladly do Timuchin’s bidding.
    … Paypail is empty and Satan has returned to writing scripts for Family Guy.

  15. Timuchin says:

    Looks like the guys on the left coast had all sorts of fun ad homineming me after I went to bed on the east coast. 🙂

    I have strong evidence that God heals posted on my website.

    If the power of suggestion (or placebo effect) was so effective in healing people, why aren’t they using it in the hospitals? Answer — it doesn’t.

    There are occult spells for sale on the internet. They are not just fraud. There’s too many sites selling them.

    There are atheists using witchcraft, assuming it is based on some scientific principle that hasn’t been discovered yet. They assume the nightmares, obsessions and voices are merely psychological phenomena. They refuse to see that it doesn’t fit into the four-dimensional universe.

    Sometimes Satan overplays his hand and scares the hell right out of somebody. They run to church to get help. If there is a Satan then there has to be a god.

  16. #74 – Skeptic of the AOBCCS,

    Of course!! Those who believe such crap would be scared shitless to get involved with someone claiming to be in business with Satan. Those who do not believe in the god crap also don’t believe in the Satan crap.

    Of course, for a real money making scam idea, check out these guys!!! I wish I thought of this.

    http://tinyurl.com/ybh6eoa

    If someone has a pet and honestly believes that they’ll be caught up in the rapture, how could they possibly not care enough for the pet to ensure proper care after the rapture. If someone doesn’t pay, they must either not have a pet or not care about their pet.

    As far as I can tell, these guys appear to have a valid legal contractual responsibility to take care of the pets for whom they have agreements and a genuine love of pets and willingness to do so. Of course, they probably believe they’ll never have to make good on the contract. But, that’s the beauty. It doesn’t matter what they believe. They’ll be legally obligated.

    As for the self-proclaimed pet lovers who believe in Jesus and expect the rapture, if they don’t pay, they’re lying about one or the other.

  17. Skippy says:

    #75, I assume your “strong evidence” has been published in scientific journals and has been peer reviewed? If not, STFU.

    Get help, dude, you are seriously deluded.

  18. Nugget Coombs says:

    #75 Timuchin said,
    “I have strong evidence that God heals posted on my website.”
    Your website is full of shit!

    “If there is a Satan then there has to be a god.”

    There is neither Satan or any sort of God, nor Heaven and Hell.
    So stop worrying, go and consult a good Psychiatrist, you need help as you are seriously mentally deranged, or some sort of Con-Man.

  19. fpp2002 says:

    Timuchin:

    “I have strong evidence that God heals posted on my website.”

    Uh huh. And no proof whatsoever.

    “If the power of suggestion (or placebo effect) was so effective in healing people, why aren’t they using it in the hospitals? Answer — it doesn’t.”

    Actually, doctors prescribe placebos all the time, to great effect.

    “There are occult spells for sale on the internet. They are not just fraud. There’s too many sites selling them.”

    Riiiiiight. Because there are so many sites, they must work. By that logic, all the penis enhancing solutions work too.

    “There are atheists using witchcraft, assuming it is based on some scientific principle that hasn’t been discovered yet.”

    Uh huh. And again, where is the proof that this witchcraft actually works?

    “If there is a Satan then there has to be a god.”

    And yet there’s just as much proof for Satan, as there is for a god. Which is to say, none at all.

    You keep spouting your little claims, I find them highly entertaining, what with their poor logic and zero proof.

  20. #75 – Timuchin,

    I lied. I’ll respond to this one, mostly for the utterly ridiculous atheist comment you made.

    If the power of suggestion (or placebo effect) was so effective in healing people, why aren’t they using it in the hospitals? Answer — it doesn’t.

    A) There are indeed people testing and documenting the effects. Here’s a good lay person’s article on the subject. I’m sure you’re not up to the task of reading peer reviewed literature. http://tinyurl.com/yjzlhsb
    B) There is indeed profit incentive in our broken medical system. There is little profit to be made on placebos. That said, this does not prove the existence of miracles, only that U.S. medical care is broken.

    There are occult spells for sale on the internet. They are not just fraud. There’s too many sites selling them.

    Um … eat shit. A billion flies can’t all be wrong.

    There are atheists using witchcraft, assuming it is based on some scientific principle that hasn’t been discovered yet.

    Oops!! You just sinned. Bearing false witness is against the commandments. There are no atheists practicing witchcraft. By definition, these folks believe in a religion. Most are Wiccans. Wiccan != atheist, duh!

    If there is a Satan then there has to be a god.

    Faulty logic. If there is a Satan (and there isn’t) then perhaps Satan created the universe. Given the state of religion here on planet earth, that’s at least 10 times as likely as god having done so. (10 * 0 == 0)

    And, remember, a universe in which there were a personal god who responded to prayers would be demonstrably different than the universe in which we live.

    Think about it, if you’re capable. We’d frequently see the laws of physics being violated. People who prayed during 9/11 would have fallen out of the buildings and slowly drifted down to the ground in defiance of physics. People who prayed in New Orleans would have had the waters part around their houses and only affect the houses of the sinners. Dead folk would routinely be brought back to life by religious grieving relatives.

    This sort of shit does not happen.

  21. Oh, one more reason placebos can only work in trials. When you are not participating in a study with informed consent, doctors must tell you what they are doing. A doctor who says “Take this placebo. It will do nothing but help you heal your own body by convincing your mind that you have taken a serious and expensive drug.” would quickly find that placebos only work when you don’t know they’re placebos.

    And, doing so without your informed consent would open them up to enormous malpractice suits.

    Lastly, placebos are effective in many cases, but not necessarily most and not necessarily more effective than real medical treatment. How effective they are varies from case to case, just like faith healing and for precisely the same reason. Both are placebos.

  22. There is a special place in hell for women who do not help other women.


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