A cowboy named Mark was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in California when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust.
The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, “If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, Will you give me a calf?”
Mark looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, “Sure, Why not?”
The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his iPhone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location, which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.
The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg , Germany . Within seconds, he receives an email on his iPhone that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his iPhone and, after a few minutes, receives a response.
Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer, turns to the cowboy and says, “You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves.”
“That’s right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves,” says Mark.
He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with amusement as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.
Then Mark says to the young man, “Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?”
The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, “Okay, why not?”
“You’re a Congressman for the U.S. Government”, says Mark.
“Wow! That’s correct,” says the yuppie, “but how did you guess that?”“No guessing required.” answered the cowboy. “You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used millions of dollars worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter you are than I am; and you don’t know a thing about how working people make a living – or about cows, for that matter. This is a herd of sheep. ….
Now give me back my dog.
In the world of telling jokes this comes pretty close to a shaggy dog story. (groan)
Found by Mike Westerfield.
Mooooooo! That was so funny I forgot to laugh.
The back story is the same farmer voted the guy into office on the promise he would increase farm subsidy programs where the farmer is paid not to grow cow food. Yes, he owns sheep which is makes it even funnier.
There is a cancerous tendency for American Voters to accept the constant fraud and corruption of our legislatures as either “balanced because the other side does it too” or that they, as this joke demonstrates, just not competent.
Point being===they went to congress to steal us blind and they beat their schedule every quarter.
NOT FUNNY!!!!!
So where’s the punchline?
Funny. The WSJ also had ran a funny article today that had updated definitions of words in the news in the past year. “Devil’s Dictionary” was in the title to the article, I believe.
Laugh? I almost did! 😉
Dear Aunt Clara — Thank you for forwarding this fantastic joke. Please forward all future emails to: rubbishbin@yahoo.com
This seems to be less a joke about congress and more a joke about the utility of technology.
That was really funny. Really I laughed!LOL
Thats the why most of the Govt. Officials work in any country…kill an ant with a bazooka!
Loved it! Nice find.
Stupid.
This appears to be just another bullshit story by some far right agenda to push the idea that we need to downsize government.
The only ones that will find any humor will be the same idiots that think Obama is ineligible to be President; the Tea Baggers.
Thanks John that was great! (Speaking as a cow AND sheep farmer.)
John Dvorak
I really have to ask, in the “Possible Related Content on Dvorak Uncensored” the link “Your laser printer could be hazardous to your health” is not remotely possibly related!!!
What ever algorithm this block uses, it is complete retarded crap!!
Good grief… that joke is ANCIENT! How is it that you are only hearing about it now?
The joke itself is terrible because Congress has virtually no “young men”.
There are as many “young men” in Congress as there are female computer programmers.
In other news:
#2 for the win.
“The back story is the same farmer voted the guy into office on the promise he would increase farm subsidy programs”
And #10 for the *epic* FAIL.
“This appears to be just another bullshit story by some far right agenda to push the idea that we need to downsize government. ”
^^ Earth to uber-fag, you can’t have $1.3 trillion deficits ad infinitem. Republican? Democrat? The answer matters not, the fact remains you can’t have $1.3 trillion deficits ad infinitem.
#15, Meyers,
Then why are so many right wing nuts so against paying for our needs?
They are fine with having a military that costs more than the next 50 countries combined but not with getting an American citizen some health care.
#15 – Then why are so many right wing nuts so against paying for our needs?
Because that’s not their freaking job. If you cant take care of your own needs, then you are a loser. Aside from those with physical and mental defects, you have absolutely no excuse not to be able to take care of your own needs. Jesus, America is filled with some seriously lazy people.
I thought it was funny the first time I heard it – and I still get a laugh.
Seems close to the truth – much like Pat Buchanan’s writing of his “local Chinese outlet store named Walmart”.
#14 Watchit Hmeyers, I knew this little half phillipina chick in San Diego, best programmer I ever met. Same to her write machine code, as c, and she don’t use no visualdev – like most programming retards these days. If you wanna make sexist commentary, keep it about sex and not sexes.
This one was first forward/forward/forward/forward/forwarded to me early last year …
#17, if I recall correctly the phrase beginning the Constitution is not “I, the person” …
First time I heard an abbreviated version of this, years ago, it was a ‘dumb blonde’ joke.
Next time I heard it, about in this form (also years ago) it was a ‘dumb Microsoft engineer’ joke.
Well- recycling is a good thing.
#17,
So Im guessing that you take care of your own needs? You grown your own food, fetch your own water….You probably even built your own house.
Probably not…..You live in a society, where people specialize in tasks and use that specialization to more efficiently take care of the needs of others, and in turn have others take care of some of their needs. Some of your needs are shared by most people. An organization, called the government, provides these needs for the population, and in turn collects taxes to pay for these needs.
Do you not think that you should be paying the government to take care of those needs for you? If not, then surely you dont think that you should have to pay the grocer to provide you with food, or the builders to construct your residence.
# 23 MrMiGu said ” Some of your needs are shared by most people. An organization, called the government, provides these needs for the population, and in turn collects taxes to pay for these needs.”
You are correct! But it becomes a problem when fewer contribute than receive.
#23
Yes he does take care of those needs himself (probably). He likely earns money at a job then he buys the thngs through voluntary transactions in the market or he asks family, and friends or his local community and charitable organizations for help if he can’t make ends meet.
Government shouldn’t be providing 90% of what it’s currently providing and wants to provide. Government should NEVER be involved in “charity”,Government is inherently the anti-thesis to what charity is all about. I believe that the government is largely to blame for the degrading charitable spirit that used to be so abundant in this country.
#17, Derick,
Because that’s not their freaking job. If you cant take care of your own needs, then you are a loser. Aside from those with physical and mental defects, you have absolutely no excuse not to be able to take care of your own needs. Jesus, America is filled with some seriously lazy people.
Seriously lazy? So as my father lay dieing in his bed, unable to care for himself, he was a loser? He worked to provide the infrastructure you take for granted. He went overseas and fought your buddy Hitler. His taxes paid for the building of the Interstate Highways System. His work later became part of what is today the “Internet”. He fathered, educated, and guided 10 children to continue making this a great country. And you call him a loser?
Geeze, you have to be a Republican. You have no respect for veterans. You only want what is favorable to you and eff your neighbor. You ignore the wishes of society in general and what we voted for in the last election. And you have the nerve to call my father a loser.
I am trying not to repeat the excellent reply in #23, by Mr. Migu. I will say that YOU are an effen loser who never had anything and somehow think that if you suck enough rectum you might get some.
#26
Why the hell aren’t his ungrateful children helping him out?
@Fusion
You are, in fact, right that health care should be provided. And you already know this …
But like building a bridge to cross a huge river, it has to be done right.
Do you believe the federal government as wasteful, isolated and inefficient and careless with money is a good way of obtaining the objective?
Here is a “holy shit!” number for you:
“In 2008, the average wage for 1.9 million federal civilian workers was $79197”
That’s flat-out absurd!
… and the average wage of the bankers on Wall Street was over $500,000.
That’s is flat-out capitalism!
#29
I’m not sure if you serious or not…but…
Bankers don’t operate in a free market. They operate in a heavily regulated and controlled SYSTEM. The banking system that we have now would not exist if it weren’t for the government. Therefore, capitalism cannot be blamed. It is entirely the fault of government that bankers have had massive paychecks because the system they work with is rigged in their favor because competition from different types of banking are illegal. Also, banks are given countless special privileges in the market place, if any random Joe tried to do what they do, then he’d go to jail.
Go try to start your own fractional reserve bank without their approval…I dare you.
#30
But who was in charge of the government? former Wall Street bankers, i.e. Henry Paulson.
Who put these foxes in charge of the hen house? Of course the government bashing “any regulation is a bad regulation”, “government is inherently bad” republicans, elected by support by those farmers.