Eternal Earth-Bound Pets:
You’ve committed your life to Jesus. You know you’re saved. But when the Rapture comes what’s to become of your loving pets who are left behind? Eternal Earth-Bound Pets takes that burden off your mind.
We are a group of dedicated animal lovers, and atheists. Each
Eternal Earth-Bound Pet representative is a confirmed atheist, and as such will still be here on Earth after you’ve received your reward. Our network of animal activists are committed to step in when you step up to Jesus.We are currently active in 20 states and growing. Our representatives have been screened to ensure that they are atheists, animal lovers, are moral / ethical with no criminal background, have the ability and desire to rescue your pet and the means to retrieve them and ensure their care for your pet’s natural life.
From their FAQ:
Q: Is this a Joke?
A: No. This is a serious offer to our Christian friends who believe in the Second Coming and honestly care about the future of their pets after the Rapture occurs.
Yeah right!
Another Christian bashing article. Don’t you get tired of this? I suggest you work out your personal issues with the Christian religion on your own time.
This is on par with alien abduction insurance, and has little to do with religion as much as it has to do with extreme faith of any stripe.
I believe Barnum said it was wrong to allow a sucker to keep their money.
Christian bashing? How is it bashing when they just keep setting themselves up to be knocked down. Christians want to believe in some fantasy afterlife, then they need to have thick skins for the much needed ribbing.
I am surprised that Christians have pets seeing non-human animals are way to logical to believe in a deity. They live in the now. They take things for what they are.
There are lots of atheists here in the UK so plenty of potential homes for naturally atheist pets.
..Our representatives have been screened to ensure that they are atheists, ..
How do they do this? If you are seen looking at your watch or rolling your eyes after they 8th time you have to kneel?
2, 3 AlfredENewman…
You are one of a kind. God doesn’t care if you’re happy. He just wants his blood sacrifice. Read the bible some times… it’s all there.
It seems like a small enough price to pay, especially since after the Rapture, all that money will just be left laying around for the atheists and other faiths to scoop up at will.
Think of it this way. Christians will hand over much larger amounts of money to television preachers without thinking about it twice (or once, really).
By the way, I hate to have to tell you this but The Rapture?
Sorry, no rapture.
🙂
How is it “Christian Bashing” to offer services based on their truly held faith dogma?
ONLY a non-believer in the Rupture would think it was bashing===but thats the definition of an atheist-same as religious except after dismissing all the false gods the atheist just applies the same rules to the last remaining god.
So–what has god told you ALFIE==do ALL MY FREAKING PETS COME BACK???? Thats a shit load. All the fresh food I picked???
Hah, hah. Just struck me==the anthropomorphism continues in spades. Imagine being ruptured in the presence of the lord, but you are still not happy until some percentage of dead pets, eaten food, and shit is also with you in the spiritual world.
Kinda diminishes the grandeur of the Lord doens’t it??????
Hah, hah. The Rupture==atheist plot for really stupid religionists.
Do airlines still require an Atheist in the cockpit in case of Rapture? That would be something better to focus on instead of Christian’s pets. I think any civil emergencies due to planes falling out of the sky, drivers disappearing from the road leaving their cars empty, and all the plagues would trump the ability of these atheists to care for the pets. The Christians won’t be around to sue them though. There will still be plenty of televangelists after the rapture though. We’ll leave behind the worse ones.
Religion is a social disease … like VD. You can only catch it from intimate contact with others. (rim shot)
Hey ALFIE==do you get my point at all? If on the rupture you become one with the lord, or whatever it is that is supposed to happen, how can you feel any dismay at all?
GAWD IS NOT ENOUGH, I want my pet turtle too?
Don’t you get it???????????????????
I suppose not.
More than my dead pets, how about the woman I love who is married to another man? In the rapture, how is that dismaying situation resolved?===I thought the ANSWER was that in the presence of the lord, those earthly concerns were no more??
But pets? Can’t you see how “material” such a concern is??
Even you should be able to see it if you will think for awhile. Take an aspirin first.
Funny as can be and completely ‘logical’, it provides peace of mind for the loonies who believe in the ‘Rapture’ – by the by there’s a nice documentary on National Geographic about one of these guys who believes himself to be the Messiah and he predicted the ‘Rapture’ on October 31st a few years back, it didn’t happen cause it’s never going to happen but the folks who believe in him still believe in him, he was sentenced at the end of the documentary to 8 years cause God told him to fark all the little girls and other men’s wives. In prison for the little girls of course. Pretty ludicrous what folks will believe in and continue to believe and it’s even funnier that some would be upset with this ‘service’ offered. And even funnier – I knew there would be someone quoting scripture to explain some bizarre convoluted interpretation of why you don’t need to worry about your pets. A great story for the morning.
You mean my pet will not rise with me for the rapture? Oh no!
I find Rapture Letters at raptureletters.com to be more useful.
#13 Alfred1
Holy shit, you talk a lot! It wouldn’t be so boring if you made a modicum of sense.
“Its a meeting our LORD in the air, as He descends to execute God’s wrath upon the lawless of the earth…”
So what’s Nobodaddy waiting for, Alfred1?
I’m ready and I’m all he really needs, right?
🙂
It’s more fun to wonder who will take care of the Atheists after the Rapture. Without Christians to blame it should be quite a lively search for a new villain.
Won’t work. There is no way to sue for breech of contract. For one, them atheist would deny that the rapture occurred. “What rapture? Aliens kidnapped all the Christians.”
Supposedly, there won’t be any atheists after Alfred1’s “loving” deity exacts his wrath upon the Earth. He’s a loving deity that will exterminate billions just so a few nuts can survive. Maybe he’s clearing space for the next dominant species.
#25-Thomas-Supposedly, there won’t be any atheists…
There will be for seven years. Oh and the really fun part is the only exterminating going on will be Atheists slaughtering other Atheists.
Should be exciting times.
I’ve said it before: Everybody creates their own “god” who conveniently fits in with their own personal belief system, no matter how silly. I believe a few replies to this post bear me out.
Alfred,
“I induce from God’s love, His desire His children be happy, their pets will go with them.”
What about those good christians who want their atheist loved ones to be with them? Will your loving god not grant them their happiness?
I categorically refuse to take care of any religious pests!
#26, Dr. Dodd,
the really fun part is the only exterminating going on will be Atheists slaughtering other Atheists.
What wonderful prognosticating. Does your god know you are so hateful? Well, I guess somebody didn’t listen to what Hey Zeus had to say about “Love they fellow man”.
But if you get your jollies thinking about how Jesus, who you defile, will meet you in heaven, go for it.
Once, I worked with a Christian, who, one day, was taking the elevator in the building. For some reason or other, while in the elevator, he realized he was alone, and of course, thought the Rapture had occurred and he was left behind. I presume this guy is still around, still waiting to be transported any second. What a way to live.
Now we know what Alfred1’s problem is.
#31-Mr.Fusion-Does your god know you are so hateful?
How naive to think such cheap theatrics would work. Besides, where does it say I can’t mock Atheists?
#30 Alfred1
Why are you so afraid to die?
It’s perfectly natural. One second you’re here annoying us, the next second you’re not.
It’s really counterproductive to invent this silly elaborate farce about raptures and resurrections and endless life. No-one in their right mind would even want endless life.
Oh, right…
Another company tries to fleece the religious masses…
#30, Alphie, the Budding Nazi Statist,
What makes you think you qualify to make it into heaven?
Through your hate you make it obvious you scorn the teachings of Jesus. By hating so much you don’t have Jesus in your heart and have yet to be born.
But, I heard the American Nazi Party is still recruiting. Maybe you could let us know more or even get a few applications.
#35, Dr, Dudd,
How naive to think such cheap theatrics would work.
What cheap theatrics? Instead of answering the question, you attack the question.
Do you really think those who hate will be allowed into heaven?
(And I haven’t even asked about your compassion towards your fellow man)
#39, Alphie, the Budding Nazi Statist,
Why would you quote at length from a religious text as an attempt to convert people when those you are trying to convert don’t believe there is any such thing as divinely inspired text?
Isn’t this a Nazi Statist type of tactic? Continuously repeat the lie over and over under people get so familiar with it they believe it true?