There is a tattoo trend afoot. We’ve had dolphins, ancient symbols, “ironic” sailor tattoos and now I give you … the food tattoo…
When Lulu Grimes of Olive magazine Twittered these food tattoos I thought it was a pretty funny joke. But it turns out these are real tattoos. As in, these people are stuck with them forever.
Don’t get me wrong, I love food. I spend much too much time planning what I will eat next and have many favourite foods. Most of them involve cheese. But, never in all my days of scraping the last crumb of Stilton off the rind, have I considered marking my love of the stinky cheese in a permanent fashion.
The shaven-headed man pictured above loves fried breakfasts so much that he sports a full English on his shiny pate. At least he could grow his hair back to cover it up, although the thought of a baked bean peeking out of his parting makes me feel a little nauseous. A woman has a cherry-topped cupcake on her foot, but look a little closer and the cherry is a skull. Sinister. And weird. Yet another shows a piece of toast, complete with smiling face, spreading itself with jam. The toast looks happy enough, I wonder whether the owner of the tat is quite so jolly?
There are dripping slices of pizza, rashers of bacon, angry-looking leeks, shrimps and, inexplicably, a blue cupcake sitting on the toilet.
I just don’t get it. Some of the tattoo owners appear to be advertising food joints like the American burger restaurant Wendy’s. What’s the motivation? Is brand loyalty alone enough? And what do you do if you get a meaty hot-dog inked on your arm and then turn vegetarian? Turn it into a gherkin?
And what about your chances with the opposite sex? Eating food can be sexy. Removing your clothes to reveal a carton of milk holding hands with a cookie or all the ingredients needed to make hummus, not so much…
If I was forced, upon pain of death, to have a food tattoo. I would a) probably choose death, b) get the smallest thing possible, like a poppy seed to actual size, and c) have it removed.
What food would you get tattooed?
Basically, the opinions go like this:
Liberals
– Live and let live.
– Celebrate diversity in differences of taste
– It’s great, it makes people interesting
– Cool
Conservative dickwads
– WTF is that?
– Arrest them
– Not in my neighborhood
– Communist, democrat devil worshipers
– Liberal fascists
– Where’s my gun
I would think that most people wouldn’t hire you and some employers might manage to part company with you. Want to run for elected office?
A lot of people have made a connection between criminal gangs and tattoos and act accordingly.
If you want a tattoo put it where you can hide it and never, ever put your girl friend’s/wife’s name on your skin!!! Walking around with your ex’s name in your hide on display has got to be the ultimate in public humiliation.
Not so sure about a food tattoo (the US already has an unhealthy obsession with food) but I still think this is the greatest tattoo ever:
http://thesegoto11.files.wordpress.com/2008/11/tattoos.jpg
i would rather eat food then have it tatooed on me…
hmmm made moraccan lemon chicken the other day for dinner… having some leftovers for lunch today…
hhmm chicken and cous cous.. 🙂
Let’s pretend I own a market. Let’s say I want to hire a checker. Two applicants. One has no tattoos. The other one has a cupcake taking a shit on her wrist.
Nice diversity. Makes you interesting. Sorry, no openings for girls with shitting cupcakes.
Oh, And why is it every guy with his calves tattooed has to wear cut off pants the rest of his life?
There will be plenty of wrinkly, saggy, fuck ugly tattoos in about 30 years.
Tattoos = STUPIDITY !!! Especially when you sober up !!!
I got tattoos when I had cancer that they were using to line up the radiation treatment. While they are barely noticeable, I looked at one with a magnifying glass and it is a little teeny battleship. Another one on my chest is a butterfly and when I expand it looks like a B-52.
So #6, I was stupid to get cancer.
I work with people of all ages who have tattoos – I know a grandmother in her 60’s getting one this weekend. The majority of people I know who get them after a major life event and spend a great deal of time thinking about it. The artistic skill in some of them blow me away.
Food tattoos don’t bother me. The celtic armband has been done to death so when I see them I think “loser”.
Special Ed, great ride by Lance today up Ventoux!
#1 – Dallas
Being fairly liberal myself… but WTF is that???
Shave the back of your head to get plenty of space for that special tatoo:
http://bit.ly/18MRxK
#1 A bit myopic, I hope all libs are not as closed minded as you. I will bet that a great deal of conservatives have tats. Especially those with a military background. Stupidity is not just a liberal thing.
There are nastier things to have on your scalp.
And this is ones of them:
http://www.snopes.com/photos/medical/graphics/maggot2_small.jpg
http://www.snopes.com/photos/medical/graphics/maggot1_small.jpg
I just don’t dig tatoos. Period.
I don’t care if it’s bacon’n’eggs or frakking mother Teresa…
I used to think that a tiny tribal thing on your ankle, or just peeking on top of the breast, or even at the end of your back was kinda sexy, but it has been so banalized, that today it just screams: trailer park trash! (sorry, not mean to imply nothin’ at you trailer guys and gals…)
I don’t like tattoos. I don’t think I would be attracted to a woman with tattoos. If someone wants one then whatever. It doesn’t bother me.
That’s a full English breakfast on the chaps head. It appears a tomato in the middle, with a few bangers and a rasher of bacon. I believe I see something that could be kippers. Never cared for black sausage, but Scottish kippers more than makes up for it.
#9 Hey, I don’t like it either but that’s not the point.
My uncle just got a tattoo of an old school pin up girl. It was fantastic work. Looked great. Does anyone else see 60+ year old men, who have never had a tattoo, getting them. He isn’t going through a mid life crisis, no divorce or other life changing happenings. He just got one. WTF was he thinking.