Letter From Apple CEO Steve Jobs – Yahoo Finance — So apparently this weight loss is due to some hormone imbalance. What are the specifics? I’m guessing that whatever is causing it — if it were indeed some imbalance — could become a trendy new diet. “The Imbalance Diet.”
As many of you know, I have been losing weight throughout 2008. The reason has been a mystery to me and my doctors. A few weeks ago, I decided that getting to the root cause of this and reversing it needed to become my #1 priority.
Fortunately, after further testing, my doctors think they have found the cause — a hormone imbalance that has been “robbing” me of the proteins my body needs to be healthy. Sophisticated blood tests have confirmed this diagnosis.
The remedy for this nutritional problem is relatively simple and straightforward, and Ive already begun treatment. But, just like I didnt lose this much weight and body mass in a week or a month, my doctors expect it will take me until late this Spring to regain it. I will continue as Apples CEO during my recovery.
Anyone believe this guy after he ripped that reporter guy a new one and called him a sleazebag then stated clearly that he had NO health problems at all?
Face it, Jobs is and has been telling porkies. Now, watch the stock price plummet.
They just drag his dead ass out of the coffin for press time.
The iDiet – priceless
Replace:
“a hormone imbalance that has been “robbing” me of the proteins my body needs to be healthy.”
With:
“I’m a dumbass, ignorant, stupid vegan and my severely uncompromisingly limited diet cannot provide me with the proteins my body needs to be healthy.
Also I refuse to see doctors till I’m almost dead because they will tell me my nutritional choices are killing me and NOBODY tells ME what to do, for I am the almighty Steve Jobs, bow down before me and watch me turn this water to wine!!!”
And it all makes sense.
#4 – Priceless.
Don’t beleive him for a second. If it was no big deal just hormone inbalance. Then why not just come out with it? Plus, he has been able to do presentations obviously with this problem so why all of sudden bow out of the biggest one? Still leaves too many questions.
I think this was more about saving the stock from dropping anymore then anything else.
But unless Apple is a cult and people by Apple products because Steve tells them too. I really do not see what difference it makes? I mean Gates left Microsoft and we felt Balmer could handle things. Maybe that’s the key, theirs nobody but Jobs in the public eye at Apple. At least nobody carismatic.
Zybitch==funny and probably close to the truth.
If I ever get sick, I hope its a hormone imbalance. Easy to cure.
So we can be expect Stephanie Jobs at the next MacWorld?
The famous “I-rack” is here. I wonder why analogies between Jobs and Bush are so fitting:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xcjLEwZqcQI
“The remedy for this nutritional problem is relatively simple and straightforward, and Ive already begun treatment.”
Har! Eating a Steak?
#2 – I really cannot wait for the “Weekend at Bernie’s” keynote. It’ll be a hoot!
Man you guys are brutal, funny, but brutal.
I just saw another entertainment news story today about how Alanis Morrisette lost 30lbs on an “all-vegan” diet.
I think the problem with an “all-vegan” diet is that its so restrictive you end up starving to death.
Human beings are omnivores. We’re supposed to eat anything we can get our hands on. Maybe a vegetarian diet is healthy. But vegans are just crazy.
Besides, doesn’t Steve Jobs get all his energy from sucking the life out of Mac fanboys?
“Fortunately, after further testing, my doctors think they have found the cause…”
“Think”?? Hey, Jobs. Why not get a doctor who KNOWS what the cause is and can treat it properly and correctly? Surely you can afford a decent doctor with all the cash you have.
Or does Apple’s HMO limit your doctor choices?
#6: “I mean Gates left Microsoft and we felt Balmer could handle things.”
Who’s “we”?
I think Dennis Leary said it best when he said
“Meat tastes like murder, And Murder tastes pretty damn good!”