If you crank up your mega-watt car stereo or boom box in Fort Lupton, Colorado, and exceed the city’s noise limits, you could be faced with a punishment that some could construe as torture. Or possibly cruel and unusual punishment.
Of course, that depends on your particular demographic category. You see, the city’s judge, Paul Sacco, applies the strict punishment about four times a year to those noise offenders. It’s the punishment fitting the crime, according to the judge. The crowded courtroom usually consists of young adult offenders, and they are subjected to one solid mind-numbing hour of musical selections by the likes of Barry Manilow, Dolly Parton, the Carpenters, and my favorite, Barney! Ha ha! I can just picture the young punks squirming in their seats, their faces grimacing and wincing as they try not to listen to the musical hit parade provided by Judge Sacco.
During the full hour of this grueling punishment, they are not allowed to chew gum, eat, drink, read or even sleep. I don’t know if one hour is sufficient, though. When one has to listen to some pinhead booming his crap that passes for music at 2,000 watts of power through giant bass woofers, I would suggest that a full day of listening to whatever they hate would be more appropriate.
I’m not that old that I don’t enjoy my music loud, but when a car pulls up next to you and your teeth start to rattle, it cant be healthy.
Next time someone comes up in one of those booming cars, just mock their body damping and laugh at the poor workmanship of the install. Most of those idiots have half their body panels rattling along with the beat. A guaranteed ego-killer.
In lieu of of jail or fine, I would require the offenders to learn the lyrics to “Oh Mandy” and sing every word correctly on a public stage.
#2 Dallas.
Perfect!
These old farts don’t realise that this is the newest development in car technology.
Sound wave driven cars! They are much more efficient.
Soon all cars are required to drive on sound waves, these old men just need to adapt.
#2. Thanks Dallas, Now I’ll have that awful song stuck in my head all day…..
I remember all my life
Raining down as cold as ice
A shadow of a man
A face through a window
Crying in the night
The night goes into
Morning, just another day
Happy people pass my way
Looking in their eyes
I see a memory
I never realized
you made me so happy, oh Mandy
Well you came and you gave without taking
but I sent you away, oh Mandy
well you kissed me and stopped me from shaking
I need you today, oh Mandy
I’m standing on the edge of time
I Walked away when love was mine
Caught up in a world of uphill climbing
The tears are in my mind
And nothing is rhyming, oh Mandy
Well you came and you gave without taking
but I sent you away, oh Mandy
well you kissed me and stopped me from shaking
And I need you today, oh Mandy
Yesterday’s a dream I face the morning
Crying on the breeze
the pain is calling, oh Mandy
Well you came and you gave without taking
but I sent you away, oh Mandy
well you kissed me and stopped me from shaking
And I need you today, oh Mandy
Bring me the head of Barry Manilow!
Cursor_
#6 chuck,
Alright, you’re now on my shit list. Right up there with Dallas.
Christ !!! Now all the elves are singing it.
I hope the court is paying the appropriate public performance fees for this! The music industry likes coming after people who don’t. Normally it’s clubs, bars, restaurants and businesses but hey why not come after the court too!
I once wondered if the RIAA was going to call playing the radio in a workplace a public performance (they did), then why wouldn’t they go after these cars conducting free concerts all over town?
Oh, and Chuck, “And I need you today, oh Mandy” – I can’t get it out of my head – you are dead to me! (mumbling – must go to the mall and listen to Little Drummer Boy – “And I need you today, oh parum pa pum pum”)
….and for the second offense, violators would be required to listen to four hours of speeches by Algore.
#12 – Big One
And for serial offenders, a mandatory four hours of speeches by the All-Knowing Avatar of Apraxia, George W. Bush.
If that doesn’t kill ’em, they’ll be rehabilitated.
Sounds like the ‘author’ is a cranky old fuck who doesn’t like rap music and who think that listening to terrible music for an hour is going to do anything to dissuade these people?
Give me a break.
Actually, I always liked “Mandy”. But I don’t need a pic of Barry pointing at me like that when I first awake.
Shouldn’t that be – who thonk that listening to terrible music for an hour be do anything to dissuade these people?- #14?
I agree, give them the headbox in the sound prove underground lockup for a few weeks and let them crap on each other. I’m getting tired of following them down the street and shorting out the car batteries
You think having the lyrics of “Mandy” running through you head is bad, try the theme song from “Super Chicken”.
Barry Manilow + Cosmetic Surgery = Martin Short
If someone died and made me king, these bozos would be tied to a chair in the middle of an orchestra pit for a long opera.
Or made to listen not to Algore, not to GWB, but to hear Sarah Palin tell us about how life in the US of A should be.
19-
You think that the solution to a problem like loud stereos is…to…play them loud music?
Fucking moronic.
The judge in the story is an attention-seeking idiot who has no real intention of stopping the behavior. If you really wanted this practice ended, the penalty for a sound violation would be the removal of all stereo equipment from the offending vehicle and sold at auction for city funds.
The cure for taking “Oh Mandy” out of your mind is another one of my favorites!
Row Row Row your boat gently down the stream…
Row Row Row you boat…
Your welcome!
A good item to bookmark. In a few years, when reminding Obama supporters of their sins, this will serve as a good reeducation tool.
what if i was blasting those tunes.
Oh this is rich! Personally, I’ve always considered the music of Barry Manilow to be suitable for torture. And not here’s proof that I wasn’t alone. The worst has to be his Copacabana tune (“At the Copa”). And I’ve heard many of his tunes used as jingles, before then became hits. So I’ve always thought of his as the jingle writer who went Platinum. But then during the Disco era, nearly anything could.
Now as for the Carpenters, I wouldn’t too much of a problem listening to them. So I guess they’d use good olde Barry to torture me. And I’d bite my own head off. Dolly isn’t so bad either, just a might high pitched. I think Maria Carey would bother me much more.
#24 – Ole Barry DID start out as a jingle writer (is that a jingoist? No? Oh, well.) In fact, he’s responsible for, “You deserve a break today…”?
Slim Whitman, nuff said.
this is exactly the kind of punishment that will make these kids understand why they’re being punished.
i think it’s awesome. we need more creative ways to punish non-violent offenders
#27 Cap’n Crunch – “Slim Whitman, nuff said.”
Not exactly, I believe the last word would be “Boxcar Willie”