Relationship Politics: Body Language Of The McCain Marriage

John McCain claims not to have known of his wife’s drug addiction, even at a time when she was supporting her habit by stealing drugs from a charity organization. If that’s true–if he actually didn’t know about his wife’s addiction–he demonstrates a lack of awareness that is panoramic. How do you fail to notice that your partner is stoned for months at a time? In John McCain’s case, there’s a simple answer and a more complex one. The simple answer is that he is a fellow-addict, known for his deep affection for the gambling table, as well as ties to the gambling industry. His addiction is the adrenalin-charged game of craps, a passion that is rumored to have cost him money and rifts in his marriage (Cindy being the one with the deep pockets who always had to bail him out.) When two addicts are married, they make an unconscious contract between them: If you agree not to confront me on my addiction, I’ll agree not to confront you on yours.
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There’s a deeper answer, though, to the question of how partners gradually become oblivious to the painfully obvious. It speaks to something every conscious couple needs to know. A few years ago a car passed us with a bumper sticker that had an intriguing question written on it, “What are you pretending not to know?” It’s a question that all of us should ask of ourselves on a regular basis. It takes a heroic act of unconsciousness not to notice so profound a thing as drug addiction in one’s partner.
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A relationship thrives only when people express abundant appreciation for each other.
The McCains earned the chilly distance in their relationship by a long history of ignoring these three simple rules of relationship. We as Americans must not ignore the impact of these rules on how we interact with our politicians. We think it’s time to demand that our politicians observe the rules of healthy relationships.

For example, wouldn’t it be great to hear politicians take responsibility, rather than blame their opponents, for problems? We’d love to hear John McCain say to us all, “My friends, I take responsibility for my part in the economic mess we’re in. After all, I was one of the Keating Five! I helped Charles Keating pull off one of the biggest financial scams of all time. That scam cost the U.S. taxpayers billions, a heck of a lot more than all those airplanes I crashed. I urge my fellow Republicans to re-direct all the energy they spending in blaming Democrats to taking full responsibility for fixing this mess. I pledge to stop blaming and start focusing on positive solutions.”