CARBONDALE, PA—Less than two weeks after introducing to the nation her developmentally disabled newborn and her 19-year-old son preparing for military service in Iraq, Republican vice presidential nominee and conservative Christian woman Sarah Palin delivered a speech Monday flanked by three heretofore-unknown relatives, including a naturalized Mexican half brother, a formerly lesbian niece, and a New York City firefighter cousin who saved several lives during the 9/11 World Trade Center attacks. “John McCain and I will take on the Washington establishment and give the government back to the people,” said Palin, who several times gave the “thumbs-up” sign to her African-American coal-miner uncle seated in the audience. “We envision a better and brighter future for hardworking, selfless Americans like Ted, Anne, and Guillermo here.” Palin has a campaign stop scheduled next week in Texas, where she is expected to introduce her stepsister Linda, a $35 barrel of offshore-drilled crude oil wrapped in an American flag.”

Diversity is good!




  1. STEVE says:

    THE BARBRA STREISAND PHOTO LOOKS LIKE MCCAIN HEHEHE

  2. gquaglia says:

    You do realize that it is an “onion” story.

    [Uh, yeah but why spoil it for everyone – ed.]

  3. McCullough says:

    It’s time for Ann Coulter to switch to the Dems….

  4. Paddy-O says:

    Why is there a pic of Janet Reno on there?

  5. KagatoAMV says:

    So is this here because it is a humor piece in the Onion, or because someone forgot that the Onion is satire?

  6. Personality says:

    #4. Cause she is hot.

  7. Right says:

    Is this true? “Palin just said PALIN-McCAIN ADMINISTRATION live on msnbc”?

  8. Paddy-O says:

    #6 “Cause he is hot.”

    Fixed!
    LOL

  9. Ah_Yea says:

    A always suspected being Republican DOES make one more attractive!

  10. Calin says:

    I was thrown off by the “formerly lesbian niece”. Formerly?

    Well, as Banky said….All women just need a good deep dicking. Even lesbians.

  11. Buzz says:

    Certainly a fair and balanced illustration.

  12. Paddy-O says:

    #10 “A always suspected being Republican DOES make one more attractive!”

    It’s more of a Darwinian thing. Those that are better looking attract better mates and such. It is just another species survival trait.

  13. bobbo says:

    To get “the full picture” we need photo’s of the hubby’s. I’m sure you’ll find the richer men in America buying the services of the better looking babes. Indeed, it is all darwinian.

  14. JimD says:

    Hey !!! Not Fair !!! The Repukes left out BABS !!! You remember, Barbara Bush, the MOTHER OF ALL THE BUSH ***MISERABLE FAILURES*** – DUMBYA, JEB, NEIL, ETC and Wife, NOT MOTHER, of GHW Bush …

    http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/d/d7/Barbara_Bush_black_and_white_1989.jpg

    Now Babs is gonna have to put on her COMBAT BOOTS and GO KICK SOME REPUKE BUTT !!!

  15. Calin says:

    Looks like someone needs a refill on their Ritalin.

  16. Thomas says:

    #16. ROFLMAO!

  17. jxe8bv says:

    Good, hard, honest work does (unfortunately) show on the face from time to time.

  18. Calin says:

    #18, I’ll give you that on Albright..and maybe even Reno. But you are claiming that Kerry looks like that because of work? When has she ever worked? Same could be said of Pelosi, but that would denigrate her status as Speaker.

  19. llsee says:

    #13 Paddy-O, we don’t believe in that eviloution crap. It’s cuz god made us purdier!!!!!

  20. Ah_Yea says:

    I was just thinking about Teresa Kerry. We know John Kerry married into money with Teresa Heinz Kerry, but all things considered, I’d rather live single in a mobile home park than to go to bed with that next to me every night.

  21. Paddy-O says:

    #19 “Same could be said of Pelosi, but that would denigrate her status as Speaker.”

    Hey! It’s hard work signing all those checks for Bush’s war. It was also hard work to line up the Dem votes for wiretapping law.

  22. Calin says:

    #22
    You’re probably right. I mean if it wasn’t so hard she would have “Drained the Swamp” by now.

  23. bobbo says:

    Speaking of Darwin ((many more things than we suspect are genetically based/influenced, thats why we react to lies differently than do cantaloupes)), it appears there is a genetic basis for the repuglican/liberal split.

    Who can deny they are self-centered, not sharing toys, crybabies?

    http://www.newscientist.com/article/dn14761-voting-republican-may-be-a-survival-response.html?DCMP=ILC-hmts&nsref=news2_head_dn14761

  24. J says:

    Yeah that picture is fucked

    We have Charlize Theron, Angelina Jolie, and Jessica Alba. All of which smoke that crap on the Republican side.

    So once again Republicans see what they want to see.

  25. Paddy-O says:

    #23 “I mean if it wasn’t so hard she would have “Drained the Swamp” by now.”

    Why would Pelosi destroy her own home?

  26. Montanaguy says:

    #24
    If you read between the lines, the study shows that conservatives react appropriately to a threat, while the liberals were too jacked down on pot/prozac/ oxycontin/ valium/ too even notice. Maybe that’s why Obama is sooooo mellow these days. Gone back to his old ways. How many packs a day is he smoking?

    http://tinyurl.com/4ryvwl

  27. comhcinc says:

    #27 or it could mean liberals keep a cool head and don’t go off half cocked thinking the sky is falling every time it rains.

  28. Montanaguy says:

    #28
    Nah, study doesn’t show that at all. It shows that they forget to even put up their umbrellas until they’re all wet, which is most of the time, hehe

  29. Tomas says:

    #27. oxycontin + Limbaugh = Republican — any questions?


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