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“Nutter”

LAKELAND, Fla. — Todd Bentley has a long night ahead of him, resurrecting the dead, healing the blind, and exploding cancerous tumors. Since April 3, the 32-year-old, heavily tattooed, body-pierced, shaved-head Canadian preacher has been leading a continuous “supernatural healing revival” in central Florida. To contain the 10,000-plus crowds flocking from around the globe, Bentley has rented baseball stadiums, arenas and airport hangars at a cost of up to $15,000 a day. Many in attendance are church pastors themselves who believe Bentley to be a prophet and don’t bat an eye when he tells them he’s seen King David and spoken with the Apostle Paul in heaven. “He was looking very Jewish,” Bentley notes.

Tattooed across his sternum are military dog tags that read “Joel’s Army.” They’re evidence of Bentley’s generalship in a rapidly growing apocalyptic movement that’s gone largely unnoticed by watchdogs of the theocratic right. According to Bentley and a handful of other “hyper-charismatic” preachers advancing the same agenda, Joel’s Army is prophesied to become an Armageddon-ready military force of young people with a divine mandate to physically impose Christian “dominion” on non-believers.Bentley, who claims to be a supernatural healer, is no less over the top, playing his biker-punk appearance and heavy metal theatrics to the hilt.

On YouTube, where clips of his most dramatic healings have been condensed into a three-minute highlight reel, Bentley describes God ordering him to kick an elderly lady in the face: “I am thinking, ‘God, why is the power of God not moving?’ And He said, ‘It is because you haven’t kicked that women in the face.’ And there was, like, this older lady worshipping right in front of the platform and the Holy Spirit spoke to me and the gift of faith came on me. He said, ‘Kick her in the face … with your biker boot.’ I inched closer and I went like this [makes kicking motion]: Bam! And just as my boot made contact with her nose, she fell under the power of God.”

This guy needs to be locked up immediately.




  1. Higghawker says:

    These idots are what give Christianity a bad rap.

  2. newglenn says:

    “He said, ‘Kick her in the face … with your biker boot.’ ”
    Trained professionals… Don’t try this at home!

  3. Jägermeister says:

    #1 – Higghawker

    Come on… you must be frilled having a Christian version of the Talibans, right?!

  4. TVAddict says:

    “Todd” is free to believe whatever the fuck he wants to believe. As long as he doesn’t start enforcing christian “dominion” on me. Then he should be locked up as noted above.

  5. Shubee says:

    It’s obvious that Todd Bentley believes that spirituality and godliness are comparable to the sham entertainment called professional wrestling. Watch the youtube video Violence in Jesus Name.

  6. Mister Ketchup says:

    I’ve thought about putting an army together for the Tooth Fairy. I’d like to meet at the IHOP in Dump Truck, West Virginia tomorrow morning at 8:00 if anyone is interested.

  7. Ah_Yea says:

    #6 Ketchup,

    Are you paying for breakfast? Pancakes and sausage, maybe?

  8. fark says:

    God told me to punch him square in the mouth to heal his obesity.

  9. QB says:

    Oh joy.

    What can possibly go wrong?

  10. Judge Jewdy says:

    I’m curious why he doesn’t use the healing white ash Louisville slugger.

  11. Michael says:

    This guy may be crazy but he’s harmless. He tells fantastical, violent stories but when he’s “healing” people on stage, it’s a fake kick or a soft head butt. I’m guessing he doesn’t want to be arrested and sued for assault.

    I don’t know what’s more funny though; this guy’s preachings or the video creator’s attempt to prove god didn’t speak to him. Um…no kidding.

    Just goes to show that religion is the downfall of humanity.

  12. Matt Garrett says:

    You know, in all the time I have visited “Dvorak.org/blog,” not once, NOT ONCE have I seen a positive post about religion and Christianity.

    NOT ONCE. But I can point to literally HUNDREDS like this.

    I think that’s called BIGOTRY.

  13. Judge Jewdy says:

    #12 – Matt, I don’t know why you are getting your panties in a wad. We don’t make this shit up, religion is just plain funny! From now on we’ll try to be more supportive of your superstitions and imaginary friends.

  14. Ren says:

    Matt, while I agree that this blog has a certain slant against Christianity, in this case they are right to watch this guy. Christianity is not about dominion, it is not about forcing others to the belief, it is about telling them about God, and Christ. What you have here is the beginning of something that should not be, and echoes of the reason Martin Luther nailed his list of grievances on the church door.

    No where in the bible does it say man should kick an old lady in the face, I don’t think this guy is getting his info from the Lord.

  15. Skippy says:

    #12, that’s because Christianity is the principal enemy of moral progress in the world.

  16. #12 – Matt Garrett

    >>You know, in all the time I have visited
    >>“Dvorak.org/blog,” not once, NOT ONCE have I
    >>seen a positive post about religion and
    >>Christianity.

    Gee, you noticed that too, huh?

    For all their self-professed “open-mindedness”, the dvorak dot org slash blog crew are among the most close minded anti-spiritual bigots I’ve even encountered.

    It’s all “meth-and-man-ass” looney toons they pick up on. And nothing, ever, about all the good work that spiritual people (including the dreaded Christians) do.

    Of course good news doesn’t make any money for John C. Dvorak, so there’s no reason to post anything positive.

    That said, the Fatty Arbuckle who’s the subject of this post should be locked up in a cell with Stalin, Pol Pot, and Mao. They’ll show him. That guy is a kook.

  17. JLM says:

    people are sheep

  18. Mister Ketchup says:

    Opiate of the masses!
    http://tinyurl.com/6nm66v

  19. bobbo says:

    #16–Hey Mustard==what spiritual guidance do you receive from Todd Bentley?

    What you flakes continue to rail against is DU is about nutty and dysfunctional aspects of our society. If a post now and then touches on religion, it will be nutty and dysfunctional aspect.

    The problem with you religious nutballs is you aren’t happy without reinforcement 24/7 in all aspects of your life. Your ears hurt when the background noise is turned off.

    Poor sheeple.

  20. Jägermeister says:

    #18 – Mister Ketchup

    LOL – That picture sure is worth more than a thousand words.

  21. QB says:

    Mustard as usual said: “That said, the Fatty Arbuckle who’s the subject of this post should be locked up in a cell with Stalin, Pol Pot, and Mao. They’ll show him. That guy is a kook.”

    I think we’ll all miss the communist threat one day. I’m not saying I want the communists back but now we’re looking forward to religious and racial conflicts like this preacher and other crazies want to create.

    And that’s why people are nervous Mustard.

  22. Shubee says:

    #16 – For all their self-professed “open-mindedness”, the dvorak dot org slash blog crew are among the most close minded anti-spiritual bigots I’ve even encountered.

    There is something terribly wrong with your perception meter. Christianity today is even more corrupt than the Church that Christ denounced in the First Century. The Roman authorities didn’t want to crucify Jesus but they caved in to the pressure of the religious right.

    If Jesus had nothing good to say about the religious leaders of his day, why should the Dvorak crew do as you are doing and try to appease the hypocrites?

  23. eyeofthetiger says:

    Clearly this makes the case for carpal punishment for the authority of the church. Bring on the snakes!

  24. Angel H. Wong says:

    I wonder if he has a hidden profile here?

    http://www.bear411.com

  25. R.O.P. says:

    Why isn’t the “Florida” tag attached to this post? The guy is from Canada but he is now based in FL (evidently his message didn’t float with the sensible Canadians).

  26. McCullough says:

    Mustard and Matt- let’s say I did post a feelgood piece about your local Christians running a soup kitchen, etc. How many people would read it…..uh, try zero. Now wahckadoodle Christians like this are highly entertaining. This guy is a circus freak, you gotta admit.

  27. Mister Ketchup says:

    #16 – Mustard said. “For all their self-professed “open-mindedness”, the dvorak dot org slash blog crew are among the most close minded anti-spiritual bigots I’ve even encountered.”
    ________________

    No offense intended my hotdog partner but I’m wearing this statement like a badge of honor. Matt called us bigots. I kind of thought that was intended for people that hate jews and knee grows.

  28. t-bonham@scc.net says:

    St. Paul “was looking very Jewish,” Bentley notes.

    Huh? Paul wasn’t Jewish at all — he was a Roman citizen. His original name was Saul of Tarsus, which is a town in Turkey.

  29. Mister Ketchup says:

    #28 – He could have been saying this because maybe Paul has a small dick.

  30. Dallas says:

    I must say I am not entirely against this idea. The thought of going mano-a-mano with some of these thumping loonies seems awfully enticing. He may be on to something here.


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