I’ve decided to revisit the Lost Column Archives with this reprise of a 1987 column I wrote about Mensa. Enjoy.
Mensa BumblersWhy would anyone join a club where people brag about their intelligence? This has to be the most irritating and boring group of people imaginable.
And, of course, I’m talking about Mensa, the most famous club of smarties. The funny thing is, now I’m not so sure that they’re smart
Well, at least that’s the impression I get when I see a Mensa mini-test in a recent issue of Cosmo.
Cosmopolitan, this month, had one of those “”theme” features where it discusses all aspects of intelligence. In one of the sidebars there was a mention of Mensa and a sampler of a Mensa smartness test. Let’s take it.
There are five questions. They are:
1) Unscramble the following word: HCPRAATEU
2) What number is one half of one quarter of one tenth of 400?
3) The same three-letter word can be placed in front of the following words to make a new word: LIGHT, BREAK, TIME.
4) Pear is to apple as potato is to…(a) banana (b) radish (c) strawberry (d) peach (e) lettuce
5) If two typists can type two pages in two minutes, how many typists will it take to type eighteen pages in six minutes?
You’ll be astonished at the bogus answers given by Mensa. They got four out of five wrong. I couldn’t believe it. Their answers were as follows: 1) PARACHUTE, 2) five, 3) DAY, 4) b. both grow in the ground, and 5) six.
How could these people be so mistaken? And they purport to be geniuses. Give me a break. The correct answers are:
1) A trick question with no answer. HCPRAATEU is not a word. The question says that it is. If they asked you to “”make a word from the following scrambled letters” then it would spell parachute. That’s not what they said.
2) This question is so easy it’s dumb. Take a calculator and put in .5 X .25 X .1 X 400 and you get 5. A ten year old could do it. Big deal. Is this the mathematical prowess needed to join Mensa?
3) Add the word DAY to these words and you get NO “”new” words. You get a bunch of old words that date back to the 16th century. What’s so “”new” about the word DAYBREAK, for example? The real answer is “”BUD.” You get BUDLIGHT, BUDBREAK, and BUDTIME. All are “”new” words.
4) The answer is lettuce. Both a potato and a lettuce make salads. While a potato and a radish both grow in the dirt they are both served differently. Since all the references are to food, one must assume food aspects. Therefore, where something grows has nothing to do with it. Otherwise the word “”gopher” would be picked if listed. Obviously, the correct answer is lettuce.
5) Another trick question. The answer as to how many typists does it take to type doesn’t exist. It’s a variable. It depends on how long they chat with each other, who is the supervisor, and whether they get a break during the job. Six typists (the MENSA answer) may take forever.
So MENSA gets four out of five wrong on its own test. I sure don’t want to have anything to do with a group that gives these naive and fallacious answers to sometimes complex questions.
–end
Column © 1987 by John C. Dvorak. This column first appeared in the San Francisco Examiner on Sept. 15, 1987.
Do you think Mensa members get rejected by eHarmony too?
My mom, once on a school board, read a math text (with a dodgy claim that if anyone other than teachers or students were to read it, the publisher would take legal action) where something like this was asked in one chapter:
Two loggers are in a forest. If one can chop down x-number of trees in 4 hours, and another logger can take down y-number of trees in 6, how will the squirrels feel about losing their habitat?
Mensa women are pretty good in bed.
#33–Pirate==you shouldn’t confuse trying to get away with being responsive.
#21 – It’s not size that matters, it’s Durometer or better yet, Rockwell Scale.
I’m a longtime reader of DU, and I’ve been a member of Mensa for a little over a year. I had heard about Mensa when I was a little kid, so when I saw an ad in the paper one day about testing, I decided that I’d go for it. I had been taking the SAT and ACT, so one more test didn’t seem like a big deal. I really just wanted to take an I.Q. test. If I wasn’t a genius, then it’s no big deal and life goes on. But if I was a genius, I was just going to use it for the comedy potential. Ex:”I don’t have to be a genius to tell you that that was a stupid decision…even though I am a genius.” (Lame example. I hope you get the picture.) Anyways, I got in, and it was kind of a joke between my friends, family, and I. I know that kind of humor is pretty asshole-ish, but I always did it with a wink and a smile and never pulled that crap on those that weren’t close to me.
The members that I met at the testing location all seemed really nice, but I haven’t been to a single meeting. I renewed my membership this year, but I probably won’t next year. There are some nice benefits (discounted hotels, cruises, and car rentals), but I haven’t cashed in on any of those yet, and I don’t see myself doing so in the future.
The thing that bugs me the most about Mensa is that we seem to just be a club about being smart and hanging out with other smart people. There is so much good we could do for the world with such a large group of brilliant people.
Also, the Cosmo sample test is a sample of the easiest part of the test, and the test is timed, so it’s mostly about trying to finish in the small amount of time they give you. That being said, the test is actually made up of two completely different tests, and you only have to score high enough on one to get into Mensa (one of the tests is the Wonderlic, for any of you fellow NFL Draft fans). Still, the tests aren’t too hard, and I’m positive that there are a ton of people that could get in if they so wanted.
Anyways, I go to a well-respected university now, and I never show my Mensa card. I was actually a little embarrassed when a girl I know pulled it out when she was going through my wallet. Like I said, I probably won’t renew my membership next year. I took the test at a point in my life where I was obsessed with test scores and trying to beef up my college resume, and now I’m past that. I think I’m ready to join the seemingly more-elitist group of ex-Mensans. haha
#36–Student==so why not go to a Mensa meeting and suggest they do something worthwhile?
Or do you plan of being passive your whole life?
#26 – Another acceptable alternative is ‘tit’.
Who wants to hang around with a bunch of smart-asses anyway?
wow
i too could qualify for mensa, but noticed that their questions were reall effed up.
#6, i fist read that and my brain said Manson, not mason… 😛
weeeeeeeeeeeee
ok the reall burner……….
2) What number is one half of one quarter of one tenth of 400?
400
x .1
—————
4
x .25
—————
1
x .5
—————-
.5
everyone got that one wrong… 😛
i may not be in mensa.,….
but i love being a smart ass
The blog constituency are a bunch of smart-asses…and you’re here!
@admfubar
I think you are confusing smart ass with dumb ass.
#40 admfubar – what the hell kind of math did you use to 4 as one tenth of 400?
>>admfubar – what the hell kind of math did
>>you use to 4 as one tenth of 400?
He probably cheated, and had Dumbya to the calculations for him.
i cannot believe i read all these comments! Now i know i usually do not.
#44
🙂
John, I’ve been a member of Mensa since 1983. I can tell you that the only accurate generalization of its members is that there can be no accurate generalization of its members, except the one I just made. The group is too large and diverse for that. I suspect that most of the people making harsh and negative comments about the group as a whole are just people who wish they were actually in Mensa. That’s not to say that many of the comments aren’t true about individual members, just not all of us.
John, do you know how many times you have been completely wrong in your prognostications over the years? Have you ever fessed up about the embarrassing things which you have written? I don’t know what your issue with Mensa is, but the group is not deserving of the negative impression you are casting it in.
I wrote the Mensa test in 1975, when it was cheap, or maybe even free. I stayed a paid-up member for over a dozen years. Unlike many of the other posters, I found Mensa to be sweet, if that word is allowed in a discussion such as this one.
There was a big social aspect. It was just like going to a bar, except that instead of having to pretend that I liked hockey, I had to pretend that I didn’t like hockey. Ha ha. It was “a great way to meet women.” It was just like going to a bar, except that I had to pretend not to be part of the social aspect. Ha ha.
Eventually, Mensa did get serious, they upped their fees and tried to save the world in some small way. But the city where I live had a fingers-of-one-hand only number of members, I’m a cheapskate, there are other ways to be serious, and I settled with a bright non-Mensa woman so the social aspect could be counter-productive.
Hmm. I Guess I muse be one of the first Mensa takers. (took it when it first came out in Omni). As someone else mentioned, I like quizes/tests. I like learning, but that won’t make you a millionaire. To John: I’ve enjoyed your articles over the years. Glad I found this site. I like new ideas. New viewpoints.
I’ve met some “smart dumb people”, and some “dumb smart people” along the way, so, I guess it’s all in what you make of it. Thanks again John for all the interesting thoughts!
#37-bobbo==I joined just before last summer and I missed 3 monthly meetings because of trips I took with my family before I left for college. Currently I am at school without a car, so I’ve had trouble making it to anything that is off campus. I’m in a number of clubs here on campus dedicated to community service, so I do what I can with those. I fully intend on attending some meetings while back home over summer break and seeing what I can do, but from the newsletters that I’ve received from my chapter it seems that there are only about two or three people that ever attend. I’d love to get them to help the community in some way, but frankly the chapter consists over a very large geographical area that makes it hard to meet up in a location convenient for everyone.
[Comment deleted – Violation of Posting Guidelines. – ed.]
One of my favorite old Columbo episodes is when he trips up a Mensa member who killed his business partner and covered it up as a burglary. Columbo got him to divulge the murder, by claiming that his rival (Mensa club’s president) had figured it out. How the mighty fell. But anyway.
Hey John, are these some of those reports you once told Leo you kept in your garage? 1987. I guess it will still be awhile before you get to those TechTv tapes.
#47 — I wasn’t casting Mensa in a negative light..I was attempting humor.
And I’ve been wrong plenty of times but generally only get targeted for commentary that is close to being right and just misses rather than out-and-out mistakes. There is one whopper I did some years ago that I have never been called out on.
So what are you getting at with your comment? That I should stop writing? Or what?
@47 “I suspect that most of the people making harsh and negative comments about the group as a whole are just people who wish they were actually in Mensa.”
Mr. Catshit has been “angry and bitter” ever since he failed the Mensa test, and lately he seems to be clinging to “guns and religion” and not liking people different than himself.
#50–Student==you can only do what you can do. As a thought experiment you might imagine a very well attended local group that wanted to do something for their community. What might that be?
Then go ahead and suggest it to the sparsely supported far flung group. THEN you have done what you can do.
You’ll find life is like that. Always an excuse for those who don’t want to take action, and Mensa qualified folks are real good at identifying excuses–and solutions. Seems the determining factor is not intelligence, but rather “values.”
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t know what mensa’s deal is, but I guess this article is a joke I don’t really get.
If Jessica Steinhauser is a member it can’t be bad.
#56 clopnaz
I can’t believe most of the people here didn’t see the humor in it and instead went straight to attack mode pro and con. Tells you a lot about the people who post here. Have any of you EVER heard or read JCDs work? Like I already said the article was very clever. Perhaps it does’t play well in a post 911 world.
#59 bobbo
First. Sycophantally is not a word. Did you perhaps mean sycophantically? I will assume so.
Second. I didn’t attack the article just the responses. JCD writes a humorous article about Mensa and people find that a reason to start a barrage of attacks about the Mensa membership.
Third. I wasn’t being sycophantic. I was pointing out to the humor challenged that the article was not an attack piece on Mensa. The comments however are evidence that not everybody got that.
Forth. Why shouldn’t someone be complemented on the work they have done? In today’s world of attack attack attack maybe it is nice to hear that something you have done is appreciated, understood, and even admired for its cleverness.
#60–J==
First–whatever.
Second–yes, we are both talking about the responses. You are avoiding the standard mode of any blog–a posting starts a discussion and it triggers tangential discussions of interest to the participants. You can’t find a single thread with over 10 comments without a tangent. Posting one’s personal background to “supplement” a comment is tangential. YOU are tangential, the whole WORLD is tangential.
Third–yes you were being synchofanatical. Not “only” scizhophrentical, but yes-that. The piece was also an attack on Mensa. Not just an attack and it was done with humor. Can you handle mispeelings and more than one characteristic at a time? Not “everybody” gets anything–do you expect that? I did note before my own entry that you did not include me in your anally presented list of violators. Gave me a sense of pride and accomplishment.
Fourth–People should be complimented for good work done, what makes you think otherwise? How many people read the post and comments, saw the humor, saw the tangential and misunderstanding comments, and chose not to respond? In today’s world of political correctness and faux outrage, maybe it is nice to hear people being somewhat aggressive, belligerant (ok, that one I can’t spell), and iconoclastic. Must everything be tapioca pudding?
Relax and enjoy–I assume John does…. I don’t think heis looking for regular stroking–course, I could be wrong.