Great Invention Idea? A Musical Condom

United States patent 5163447 is for a Force-Sensitive, Sound-Playing Condom! That’s right, it’s a musical condom! This baby looks and acts like a traditional condom and yet, manages to go a step further by incorporating “a chip-controlled piezoelectric sound transducer (18) which plays a melody or voiced message when during intercourse the contacts of the sound-playing unit are closed and the transducer is activated” by forceful movements. Just think of all the fun you’ll have – besides the sex of course.

The prophylactic works like this: record a song or message, put the prophylactic on, begin your business, then every time you thrust your recording is played out loud.

So here’s a new party game. Pick a person and guess what they would program into their musical condom. Examples:

• Bill Gates – the Windows startup sound
• John C Dvorak – a dozen sound effects
• Leo Laporte – “another TWiT is in the can”
• Steve Jobs – doesn’t matter as long as you bought it on Tunes