Here and there, stories from New Yorkers keep popping up that say Rudy isn’t what the rest of the country think he is. Or, should I say, his publicity machine makes us think he is. If he gets nominated and wins, will we have been fooled again like we (ahem, some of us weren’t!) were with Bush?

Will Fiendish Giuliani Be Bush III?

Although few people outside of New York know it yet, there is an emerging controversy over Giuliani’s heroic 9/11 legacy. Critics charge that Rudy’s failure to resolve the feuding between the city’s police and firefighters prior to the attack led to untold numbers of deaths, the most tragic example being the inability of firemen to hear warnings from police helicopters about the impending collapse of the South Tower.

Rudy giuliani is a true American hero, and we know this because he does all the things we expect of heroes these days — like make $16 million a year, and lobby for Hugo Chávez and Rupert Murdoch, and promote wars without ever having served in the military, and hire a lawyer to call his second wife a “stuck pig,” and organize absurd, grandstanding pogroms against minor foreign artists, and generally drift through life being a shameless opportunist with an outsize ego who doesn’t even bother to conceal the fact that he’s had a hard-on for the presidency since he was in diapers. In the media age, we can’t have a hero humble enough to actually be one; what is needed is a tireless scoundrel, a cad willing to pose all day long for photos, who’ll accept $100,000 to talk about heroism for an hour, who has the balls to take a $2.7 million advance to write a book about himself called Leadership. That’s Rudy Giuliani. Our hero. And a perfect choice to uphold the legacy of George W. Bush.

Yes, Rudy is smarter than Bush. But his political strength — and he knows it — comes from America’s unrelenting passion for never bothering to take that extra step to figure shit out. If you think you know it all already, Rudy agrees with you. And if anyone tries to tell you differently, they’re probably traitors, and Rudy, well, he’ll keep an eye on ’em for you. Just like Bush, Rudy appeals to the couch-bound bully in all of us, and part of the allure of his campaign is the promise to put the Pentagon and the power of the White House at that bully’s disposal.



  1. TJGeezer says:

    #21 – TheGlobalWarmer

    Vote in the ticket of Paris Hilton/Nicole Ritchie then film the next 4 seasons of “The Simple Life” in the Whitehouse!!!

    Surprised Paris hasn’t started running already. All she needs to do is find Jebus, go all white-knuckled and bitchy, and pretend she’s not from a rich dynasty family – basically, follow the Dubya model. Not sure about NIcole Ritchie as veep, though. Lindsay Lohan would get more press and be arguably more stupid. Or Anna Nicole. Being dead should be no disadvantage.

  2. Misanthropic Scott says:

    #29 – Gig,

    Um … mind adding what law you think they would have broken by driving slowly across the Brooklyn Bridge? I’ve not seen a minimum speed posted on it.

  3. Li says:

    The last thing we need after this president is someone else who believes that his power includes curtailing discussion, and controlling peoples lives, only more competent.

  4. MikeN says:

    So no McCain, Giuliani, or Hillary then?

  5. MikeN says:

    And I think John Edwards and Chris Dodd and Joe Biden voted for campaign finance reform with Chuck Hagel, so they’re out too.

  6. TheGlobalWarmer says:

    #32 – There are studies showing that driving too slowly causes more accidents that speeding. I know you can be ticketed for it here even if there’s no minimum posted.

    #30 – I don’t want to beat him up, just drink beer and yell at him lot. 🙂

    #31 – Leave poor Anna alone, she finally hit her target weight and is happy now. I suppose we could put Lindsay and Britney Spears on another ticket and let them run against each other. The debates would be “interesting”.

  7. Uncle Dave says:

    #31:”All she needs to do is find Jebus”

    Done!

    Paris Hilton: ‘God Has Given Me A New Chance’

  8. Misanthropic Scott says:

    #36 – TheGlobalWarmer,

    I asked what law was to be broken and have not gotten an answer.

    I do agree that driving slowly can cause more accidents, especially in areas with a high speed limit. The speed differential is huge and dangerous.

    That said, have you ever driven in NYC rush hour traffic? There is no speed differential. There is no speed. That’s just one of the many major reasons we need the congestion pricing. (Oops, that was a different debate.)

  9. TheGlobalWarmer says:

    #38 – I would imagine the tickets are covered under general unsafe driving practices instead of a specific law. Can’t answer definitively.

    You don’t need congestion pricing – you need to knock down some buildings to make room for more roads. 😉

  10. clockwork oranjaboom says:

    M. Scott- I agree re: the crime cycle. I should have have been more clear: the subway system was cleaner.

    TGW- the difference difference between the muncipal and national level lies in the ability to squeeze purse strings and twist arms- in person.


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