I saw this when it came out on Thomas Crapper Day — 27 January — and forgot to Post it. C’mon folks! I want someone from the DU Army to win this contest.

Fear not, boring toilet victims! Thanks to Roto-Rooter®, the ultimate toilet now exists. They’ve developed a customized, one-of-a-kind throne; a truly “Pimped out John,” designed to fulfill all of your wildest bathroom dreams. But, you won’t find it in stores. Only one lucky person will win this gleaming monument to personal convenience by entering Roto-Rooter’s online “Pimped out John,” sweepstakes.

Are you tired of reading the same jokes in Reader’s Digest? We suggest you watch “Star Wars” on your flat-screen TV instead; and chat with your buddies about the fight scenes using your robot-arm-mounted laptop. Bored with the standard crossword puzzle? Try donning your headset to play online multiplayer video games. Picture this: Your refrigerator and magazine rack are stocked with your favorite drinks and monthlies, your bike pedals are giving your quads a run for their money and you’re downloading — and listening to — new music on your iPod. After all, if something goes awry, you can always turn to your big red “Roto-Rooter Emergency” button. You’ll never want to leave your toilet ever again.

The lucky winner will be chosen on National Plumber’s Day, 25 April.



  1. GregA says:

    All that, and they couldn’t even include one of those fancy Japanese toilets that wipes your ass for you?

  2. Mac Guy says:

    Am I the only one who, upon reading the headline, had the initial reaction that John C. Dvorak was going to come over to my house dressed in a purple suit and cane, carrying a new 52″ plasma TV?

    Seriously, that’s the image that popped into my head, and it was scary.

    No lie.

  3. Mark says:

    Sheesh, now I know why the world thinks we’re nuts.

  4. Eideard says:

    #2 — tee hee — that’s why I stayed with the original headline.

  5. Mark Derail says:

    Bah, it’s missing all the game consoles.
    Would have to put MAME32 on that PC.

  6. spsffan says:

    Okay, so now I know what we are supposed to do when all the newspapers drop the print editions!

  7. woktiny says:

    ok.

    what’s with the bike pedals? anyone tried to do anything with there legs while poopin? its no good

    the john is a valuable sanctuary from office work, but no one needs to spend that much time on the pot.

    if I won (if I entered), I’d put the stuff elsewhere 🙂

  8. Looks like a great place to get a root canal

  9. Peter iNova says:

    B’b’but what if you already have equivalent stuff in the loo already?


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