Calculation puts a lid on bickering over toilet seat

Scientific research into the long debated question of whether the toilet seat should be up or down suggests that the social norm of leaving it down is actually inefficient.

An Indian economist, the latest scholar to weigh in on the issue, supports these findings but has devised a series of mathematic formulas to show that when the female “nag” factor is part of the equation, the man would rather deal with the inconvenience than hear the woman yell.

Hammad Al-Sabah Siddiqi, assistant professor at Lahore University of Management Sciences in Pakistan, uses game theory to analyze toilet seat operations, taking into account strategies used — “If you love me, then you would leave the seat down,” for example — and alternating seat positions employed by males when performing different toilet tasks.

Mr. Siddiqi writes “assume that the inconvenience cost of changing the seat position is C.”

“Folklore has it that Marsha performs more toilet operations than John, hypothetically because of a smaller bladder. John, however, drinks more beer,” he wrote in his paper in 1998. “We shall not discuss his prostate problem.”

Here’s the earlier dissertation on the subject cited in the article.



  1. Pterocat says:

    I asked my girlfriend about this, and she told me it was because their mothers had always admonished them “never to touch anything a boy has touched”.

    (if I leave mine down, though, the cat scratches it all to hell).

  2. Professor Johnny Cakes says:

    Put the seat AND the lid down so both Males and Females must deal with the ritual task of crapper genuflection. This also keeps the small critters from splashing, saliva etc… onto the seat. Now, which way to put the paper on the roll? …there in lies the rub…

  3. Lid Pisser says:

    #2 – The only problem with that is that I end up pissing on the lid in the dark.

  4. Brownie says:

    Toilet seat pet peeves…

    Next time, tell her you left the seat down just for her. You also pissed all over it.

    And, what’s the deal with people not wiping their ass juice off the toilet seat when they’re done?

    I also love it when they leave a hair or two behind.

    And, what’s the deal with women’s public bathrooms always having some t.p. on the floor?

  5. TJGeezer says:

    #2 – My wife had the only good answer I’ve ever heard to the paper “in” (by wall) or “out” (more visible coming off roll) question. She always puts it “in” so the cat won’t unroll it. Apparently the loose end dangling off the outside is too much to resist.

  6. Mike Toole says:

    #5 – Hell, I can’t even leave TP on the roller anymore– either direction, my cat will start swatting at it.

    That’s actually part of why I always leave the seat down– I don’t want the damn cat drinking toilet water all the time. The other part just seems like common sense to me– sure, it’s more efficient to leave your kitchen cabinet doors open, but you close those, right?

  7. Les says:

    Or have an older sister who threatened to beat the Holy Living Sh** (yes capital letters) if you left the lid up.

  8. Mr. Fusion says:

    Don’t you guys ever admonish women for leaving the seat down? Geeze, what is it with women they can’t put it back in the upright position?

    I don’t worry about the cat playing with the paper anymore. A couple of good swats and it quit. She also won’t drink out of the toilet either. The bowl is poorly designed to swim in.

  9. Would you believe I don’t see what all the fuss is about? My wife explained to me that we’ve bought a lid (not just a seat) for a purpose, and that it should be put down for aesthetic reasons. Believe it or not, it looks better that way, and we do both have to lift the lid before doing our business. Getting used to it was no problem for me.

  10. Cripes what a topic.

  11. meetsy says:

    wouldn’t be a problem if men would just pee in the backyard, like they’re supposed to.

  12. Smartalix says:

    I’m with #2, put the lid down and put a night-light by the toilet. It not only is better Fung-Shui, it keeps the atomized shit and piss created with every flush from getting in your toothbrushes, towels, etc. I live alone and keep the lid down. I have to nag ladyfriends to comply with my wishes.

  13. @$tr0Gh0$t says:

    I don’t know about you guys, but when I use a public toiled that has a the lid down I always find a very unpleasant ‘surprise’ left by the previous user.
    Must be a sign of shame.


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