We promise to post a notice on the blog if these instructions don’t work for you. As long as you send pictures.
How To: Dismantle an Atomic Bomb
Sure, the odds are slim that you’d ever be faced with an atomic device ticking down to zero. But think of how Jack Bauer it’d be if you were. And then who’re you going to trust? Us or some do-gooder rock band?
1) Disconnect the wires leading from the battery or the trigger/timer to the detonator. The battery will look like a battery; the timer is the part that’s counting down. Be careful: This is the trickiest part of the bomb – and where it’s most likely to be booby-trapped (the whole red wire/blue wire thing comes into play here). And for God’s sake, don’t fuss over the process in order to make the timer stop at something clever like 0-0-7.
2) Remove the neutron trigger. This will be a small disc or ball. Don’t eat it – it will be made of polonium or some other highly radioactive material, which initiates the chain reaction. After this step, the bomb can still detonate, but it won’t be Hiroshima.
Geese Dave:
its probably better to run your chubby little A%% off out of there
Its always a good idea to Disconnect the wires leading from the battery or the trigger/timer.
But don’t try this at home.
Step 1 – Disconnect the power and hope it does not blow.
Step 2 – Remove the plutonium core with your hands.
Step 3 – Die a painful death as you are cooked from the inside out.
#2: And your point is….
Nope, Plutonium can be held in your bare hands as it only emits alpha particles. That’s one reason it is far superior to highly radioactive Uranium.
Alix is correct.
I still say “its probably better to run your chubby little A%% off out of there”.
If all else fails, call Atomic Technical Support – 1-866-YOU-NUKE
This kind of stuff reminds me of the movie Colussus: The Forbin Project
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0064177/
Specifically, the scene where they are “inspecting” missile warheads, while actually dis-arming them.
Colussus figures this out, and starts a short-count on the missile they are trying to sabotage…
Sirens blare, people are hauling-ass – except for the one scientist enjoying a last drink… since he knows it is pointless to try out-running the blast. 🙂
#6
Last ditch support line: 1-866-HLY-SHIT
This might just come in handy. The guy who owned my house before I bought it, left a few nuclear weapons in the garage. The darn things are always in my way and I was wondering how to get rid of them. BTW, There is also a bunch of right wing militia type literature and almost a ton of Nitrogen Fertilizer too.
QUESTION: Are there any environmental laws preventing me from just disposing of them in the household garbage? I know I can’t get rid of our old refrigerator until it is certified to be free of any freon. (that is why I threw it out, it was leaking freon) Will the garbage man refuse to take them?
Does anyone know their value on e-Bay? Would it be worth my while trying to sell them?
Glad there’s only 9 comments….I have to write all these helpful answers down.
#9 Check with your local authorities, and whatever you do, DON’T try stuffing plutonium down the garbage disposal unit in the sink. You’ll almost certainly burn out the motor. E-bay is probably a good bet – I understand that certain persons of oriental origin might be willing to pay $$$ for stuff like this.
BTW, I have it on very good authority that no nuclear weapons really have count down displays like in the movies. After all, who’s going to sit around watching it…
4. Smartalix, enlighten me. Is it a myth that Plutonium is considered to be one of the most toxic substances on Earth?
RBG
Toxicity and radioactivity are two completely different things. If you ingest or allow plutonium to enter your body in any manner (breathing, particles in a cut, etc) you will die. However, you can hold it in your hands indefinitely, as alpha particles do not penetrate the skin. It will feel slightly warm, though.
Re #13- Yeah, and I can catch a rabid raccoon by the ass and as long as he can’t get around to bite me I’m okay. JEEEzus.
14,
And your point? The core of a nuke is a plutonium sphere, not a pile of shavings. You can hold it in your hand without a problem. Whether it is wise or not to be in possession of plutonium is a different matter, but it will not turn around and bite you.
Dr. Siegfried Hecker is director emeritus of Los Alamos. He is also the last Westerner to have visited North Korea’s nuclear-research laboratories.
In 2004, Hecker was given rare access to North Korea’s Yongbyon radiochemical laboratory, where he says the North Koreans were making plutonium metal — the key ingredient for many types of nuclear bombs.
“So they turned to me,” he said to ABC News, “and they said, ‘Well, Dr. Hecker, how would you like to see our product?’ And I was somewhat startled, and I said, ‘You mean the plutonium?’ And they said, ‘Well, yes.’ And so I held the plutonium, and it turns out it was reasonably heavy and it was also slightly warm.”
http://abcnews.go.com/Technology/story?id=2545340&page=1
RBG