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Some will critcize me for my choice of sources for this post, but they simply don’t want to face up to the truth! It’s a conspiracy (much like the evil 9/11 conspiracies) to detract from the seriousness of the problem. I propose a government program (with appropriate czar — perhaps Mel Gibson) to mobilize for action and fix this before it’s too late! Oh, if we can be only half as successful as the War On Drugs…

Stand up and cheer! The US government’s War On Non-Apocalyptic Preparedness has begun!

Over 87 percent of Americans are unprepared to protect themselves from even the most basic world-ending scenarios, according to a study released Monday by the nonpartisan doomsday think-tank The Malthusian Institute.

Despite “more than ample warning” for the most likely means of worldwide destruction, less than one million American households have taken even the simplest precautions against nuclear shockwaves, asteroid impact, or a host of angels bearing swords of fire, the study concluded.

“Our survey of households in seven U. S. regions demonstrated that few citizens have bothered to equip themselves with fireproof suits and extinguishers to deal with volcanic upheaval, solar flares, or the Lord’s purifying flame,” Malthusian Institute director James Olheiser said. “Almost no one is prepared for a sudden shift in the Earth’s polarity or the eating of the Sun and moon by evil wolves Skol and Hati during Ragnarok.”

“America is at its lowest level of apocalyptic preparedness since the early 1950s,” Olheiser said.

“I just renovated my house with cantilevered leaden cofferdams for increased earthquake and radiation protection, and I’m working on a pantheistic altar to appease the god or gods most likely to return to this world with an insatiable wrath,” said Seattle resident Tim Hanson, whose actions were praised in the study as a “highly rare display of prescience and vigilance.”

Come on! Get it together, people! The time is nigh (to me more accurate, a quarter to nigh — my watch is slow)!