Woman Claims To Be Jesus Christ, Requests Skeptics Call Her
“I am not mad or psychotic. I am Jesus Christ, and time will prove this.”
Katherine Jhawarelall, 35, of Bridge Road, Seaview, who has a Bachelor of Arts degree from the University of South Africa, majoring in sociology and criminology, said yesterday she was born with the stigmata – bodily marks, or sensations of pain in locations corresponding to the crucifiction wounds of Jesus Christ – but never knew what they were until two years ago.
She said that on the morning of her 33rd birthday on May 15, 2004, she woke up with a swollen arm and realised a message was written on her skin- “Happy birthday Katherine. God gave you life”.
“People have condemned my claim. Some have even called me a fake and Satan. However, I believe this reaction is attributed to the fact that I am female and a Hindu.”
That was going to be my first guess why no one believes her.
You’ll have to read the article to get her phone number.
Ahh…. mental illness – it isn’t what you think it is.
She claimed she was “7.635 billion light years old” but did not have “flashbacks or visions” of her past.
Oh boy…..
She claimed she was “7.635 billion light years old.”
Wouldn’t a true messiah realize that a light year is a measure of distance? I think it’s in the messiah tutorial.
Now if she could do the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs, we’d have something.
Kessel run! Brilliant! And, just as viable a claim..
#2 — It is us (mere mortals) that do not understand the *true* meaning of time. I am sure that she (the messiah) would explain that time is a measure of distance as well. Maybe she knows Riley Martin. Those two together in a room would have all of the answers.
Check out Riley’s site at http://www.thecomingoftan.com/
Friggin weirdo!
She is hot…so it must be true.
Lies!
I am Jesus
I am 24 light years old and weigh 164 cubic meters. I drive a sedan which gets 7.635 billion Henries per gallon and has 178 becquerels of horsepower.
Worship me.
Reminds me of a Futurama Episode:
FRY
I’m Santa Claus!
[The witnesses gasp.]
POOPENMEYER
What? Twenty-seven.
[Enter Hermes in a Santa outfit.]
HERMES
No. I’m Santa Claus.
POOPENMEYER
Six.
[Enter Amy and Farnsworth in Santa outfits.]
AMY
(disguised, deeper voice) We’re also
Santa Claus.
[Enter Zoidberg dressed as Jesus, surrounded by a white light.]
ZOIDBERG
And I’m his friend Jesus!
FRY
Your Mayorness, if you execute him,
you have to execute all of us.
POOPENMEYER
You people aren’t Santa. You’re not
even robots! Ninety-one. How dare you
lie in front of Jesus! Hey! Zero!
[He throws the switch and sends the electricity through the electromagnets.
Bender’s arms and legs are pulled to them.]
BENDER
No! Not the magnets! (singing) Swing
low, sweet chariot, coming for to carry
me home. Swing low sweet–
FRY
This is horrible.
FARNSWORTH
But it’s not boring!
[Santa’s sleigh crashes through the wall, knocking off one of
the electromagnets.]
SANTA
Ho ho ho!
[He shoots the other electromagnet off the wall. Everyone scatters
except for Fry, Leela, Bender and Poopenmeyer. Fry and Leela
dive behind some rubble.]
POOPENMEYER
My God! The real Santa! Get him, Jesus!
ZOIDBERG
I help those who help themselves.
Actually, the Kessel Run passes near a large black hole. The faster your ship is, the closer to the black hole you can go, and therefore the shorter the trip. Therefore, completing it in only 12 Parsecs means he got really close to the black hole, which means he had a really fast ship to escape the gravity of the black hole.
KB,
Love the picture! 🙂
Thanks, Mike Voice. Alas, in this particular case, I can’t take credit, because the link to the pic I had chosen turned bad, and this pic was inserted in my absense.
I agree that it works with the post !
Good call, #6
#10 ah, so that’s how they explained that. I was wondering when someone was going to go back and try to explain Lucas’ total screw-up in regards to using the term “parsec”.
Just gotta say one thing about nut cases like this. All my six decade long life I have observed in movies and TV, newspapers, magazines and now on the internet innumerable persons stepping foward to say they are Jesus. If any one crazy attention needy soul of them actually read about Him in the Bible, they would see that yes He is coming back, but not to do that walking around on feet of clay thing again. He had enough of human mistreatment the first time and is coming back kicking ass (He already took names).
hullo! majoring in socialogy?!
can anyone say “social experiment?”
Interesting that the marks are on her palms. Chances are that the the nails that attached Jesus to the cross went through his wrist – had they gone through the palms they would not have been able to support his weight.
One thing is for sure and this IS the truth, I promise. Read this phrase very carefully about Jesus Christ from me: If you don’t believe in Jesus Christ, I can promise you ALL one thing and that is, “EVERY LAST PERSON ON THIS PLANET WILL FIND OUT!”