OK, maybe this has been going around for a while but this is the first time I read it. It’s quite humorous if for no other reason than to show the foibles of the English language.
The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would become known as “Euro-English”.
In the first year, “S” will replace the soft “c”. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy.
The hard “c” will be dropped in favour of “k”. This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome “ph” will be replaced with “f” This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.
Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent “e” in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.
By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing “th” with “z” and “w” with “v”.
During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary “O” kan be dropd from vords kontaining “ou” and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl.
Zer vil be no mor t rubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi TU understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.
Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.
Ugh. Found by Mad Dog Mike
LOL…good stuff.
I like it…Some of the changes make sense though.
Oh no, not another European keyboard.
It sounds quite a bit like Mark Twain’s proposal:
A Plan for the Improvement of English Spelling, by Mark Twain
For example, in Year 1 that useless letter “c” would be dropped to be replased either by “k” or “s”, and likewise “x” would no longer be part of the alphabet. The only kase in which “c” would be retained would be the “ch” formation, which will be dealt with later. Year 2 might reform “w” spelling, so that “which” and “one” would take the same konsonant, wile Year 3 might well abolish “y” replasing it with “i” and Iear 4 might fiks the “g/j” anomali wonse and for all.
Jenerally, then, the improvement would kontinue iear bai iear with Iear 5 doing awai with useless double konsonants, and Iears 6-12 or so modifaiing vowlz and the rimeining voist and unvoist konsonants. Bai Iear 15 or sou, it wud fainali bi posibl tu meik ius ov thi ridandant letez “c”, “y” and “x” — bai now jast a memori in the maindz ov ould doderez — tu riplais “ch”, “sh”, and “th” rispektivli.
Fainali, xen, aafte sam 20 iers ov orxogrefkl riform, wi wud hev a lojikl, kohirnt speling in ius xrewawt xe Ingliy-spiking werld.
To the casual observer it looks like they changed English to German
Some of the posters on this blog are way ahead of the curve on this one!
I luv it! Mor pleez.
(wut a reeleef!)
rofl – thats easily the funniest thing i’ve read all day kudos to the poster
I want 2 thank U 4 this gr8 story. Howevr, I lykk my alfabett better.
Sincerely,
The artist formerly known as: O(+>
(the symbol explained)
The start of it is a great idea, it’s the conclusion that we will strip away sounds that is ridiculous. I found Hungarian much easier to learn because everything is spelled exactly how it is pronounced.
i actually agree with a phonetic english. i hate silent letters with a pasion. e’s at the end of words must go. vowels should use a macron to symbolise a long vowel (eg hat = hat hate = hāt). U’s in Q words should go too Queen -> Qēn