Think your life’s in turmoil?

[Chicago] Jakub Fik, 33, went on a rampage, smashing car windows on the city’s Northwest Side. When police approached him, Fik hurled several knives and his severed penis at the officers.

According to the published report, doctors at Northwestern Memorial Hospital reattached Fik’s penis Wednesday. A hospital spokesman said he was listed in good condition Thursday.

He is charged with two counts of aggravated assault and one count of criminal damage to property, said Officer Laura Kubiak.

Fik told paramedics he was distraught over problems with his girlfriend in Poland….



  1. david says:

    Sex is the devil. Men will never see Truth until he eliminates sex as a desire. That man was fighting the devil and severed the devil from his body. There’s a better way. Masturbating every morning and every night will subdue the bastard. Eat three times a day, jerk off twice a day. As long as you are ejaculating a tablespoon of semen you are okay. If you get down to less than a teaspoon then give it a rest. Anything over a tablespoon of quantitiy and you are clouding your judgement–especially with women.

  2. Bill says:

    This sounds like a super-intelligent way to get back at your girlfriend, although it’s easier than cutting her vagina off I guess?

  3. Angel H. Wong says:

    When a woman cuts a man’s penis its because she’s liberating herself from the chains of a man.

    When a man cuts a woman’s boobs it brutish abuse?

    Bigotry goes two ways you know…

  4. gquaglia says:

    Naked, bleeding, throwing knives and his penis. Sound like just about the worst call to respond to!

  5. Mister Mustard says:

    Good Lord.

  6. Mister Mustard says:

    “When a woman cuts a man’s penis its because she’s liberating herself from the chains of a man.

    When a man cuts a woman’s boobs it brutish abuse?

    Bigotry goes two ways you know… ”

    wtf? are you confusing this story with lorena bobbet’s? this guy CUT OFF HIS OWN DICK, at least according to the story.

    i would say most reasonable people would put cutting off a penis and cutting off breast in the same category.

  7. Just Me says:

    Jay Leno said the man was ‘just nuts”!!

    🙂

  8. Just Me says:

    He was “just nuts”

  9. jasontheodd says:

    Can I sue you guys for making me never want to eat a Vienna sausage again?

  10. Bob says:

    I always wonder if cops play like rock, paper sicors to decide who tackles the streaker and such.

  11. Mr. Fusion says:

    What a dick head.

  12. Babaganoosh says:

    If I have a nightmare tonight that includes a winged penis with feet, I am going to be very upset.

  13. KB says:

    Babaganoosh– I was hoping someone would mention the pic. We work quite hard finding these trinkets. 🙂

  14. Sted says:

    reDICKulous

  15. ROFLMFAO says:

    LMFAO threw his own dick at em roflmfao for days now

  16. Kevo says:

    I can think of better ways to be distraught and it don`t involve cutting your dick off. Someone should have mentioned the salvation army.


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