Jim Dermitt says:

I guess the truth in advertising laws don’t apply on parts of the Internet.

Advertising is full of creative and decent people. We now have fake email scams, fake people and a hoax a minute it seems. You are the real deal John, aren’t you? It is funny how some people wonder why there are so many scams and frauds. Google is going to make a real killing. Did you see ads for murder? It is no secret that is known to three. I wonder if I can sell fraudulent or fake ads and not have the law questioning me. Maybe these are just fake Google Ads, or a fake of a fake.

FBI.GOV SAYS
DON’T BE FOOLED BY SO-CALLED “FBI EMAILS” THAT ASK YOU TO OPEN AN ATTACHMENT.

Why are fake ads legal? I guess they match the fake news.
This will be cleaned up or it will end in more fraud with Google right smack in the middle of a storm. That will generate more bad PR than Paris Hilton and T-Mobile. The wrong people could get angry, federal raids could stop plenty of bad actors. Google could be in for big problems. Welcome to the real world guys.
Consumer protection is serious business. You can’t play host to a fraud and not become corrupt. Maybe somebody will complain.
You can’t fake security, if it is real.
Complain here@
http://www.ic3.gov/
The site has no ads.

david says:

As your above examples show, the Google ads have no relevant results because it’s their last feeble attempt to make a penny on displaying an ad resulting from a search item that NOBODY WANTS or that those owners can get rid of at a price: lint, snot, booger, mice, dog poop, toe nail, Venereal Singles, and WIVES. Curiously, however, when you type in “husband” you get:

The Truth on Relationship
Make your relationship soar!
New secrets from 30 yrs research.
http://www.lifecoachingresource.com

Cheating Husband-Prove It
Is wife cheating? Get proof of
adultery. Catch liars e book Gtd.
http://www.CatchaCheat.com

Free eBay Success Kit
How I Earn $333,000 a Year on eBay.
Get Your Free Kit – Today Only!
333kaYear.Info

Those results sound more or less relevant.

Jim says:

A bunch of monkey business. Google says, “Unlike other online shopping sites, Froogle costs nothing. There is no spending account to set up and maintain. No cost-per-click. No cost, period.”

Why waste time and money. If Google is hosting free shopping sites, why screw around with phoney fake ads? You could add products to your site without much effort and no expense. I guess there are plenty of suckers that will spend money on ads, when they ain’t got a real product. With click fraud and all, I think AdSense is a big joke. If these goofy ads are the future of ecommerce, then Google is in trouble. I guess the idea here is shilling the value of ones stock, without having a product in stock or a service in demand. People are selling fake stuff, with fake ads. I guess it is new technology or something. If your customer is a monkey, does that make you the monkey king? The statue of wrongs says fake ads are on par with fake email. Ad spam isn’t good for Google, that is why there is truth in advertising. You can make money selling fake cocaine, but you ain’t going to last long. I remember some kid who was selling parsley and telling kids it was pot. Almost everybody in town was smoking parsley, thinking they were high. The kid make a killing and gave away rolling papers. The lie on his lips became the lie in their souls. The whole thing went up in smoke. He never got busted, he just took money off of the suckers. There was a woman who wanted her husband killed, so she gives a fake hitman ten grand. He tells a friend, ‘I ain’t killin nobody for ten grand, what’s she goin to do, call the police?’ She ends up killing herself. That’s life and death. You can’t fake dead. Dead is dead. We don’t kill nobody, we make them wish they were dead. It don’t matter how much money they have got or how they look. If you gotta go, you gotta go. Maybe the secret police will help Google help itself. A secret is a weapon and a friend. You can’t beat the pen and the sword. Maybe these fake people are using the needle and the spoon, looking for a trip to the Moon. Is there a Google ad for that? Maybe they need rehab or need to find God. In God we trust. Have your computers verified. Google might want to rethink their business plan. Better an idle house than a bad tenant.
Finance is a gun, politics is knowing when to pull the trigger.
Fake ads are like fake guns or fake monkeys. This is business, I ate at your house. The food was real.

Jim says:

Fake clicks, fake ads, fake erection pills, fake diplomas, fake FBI emails, fake suicides, fake pot, fake grass, fake stocks, fake sex, fake hoax, fake bids, fake auctions, fake viral infections, fake humor, fake hitmen, fake cancer, fake cures, fake MBA’s, fake sponsors, fake money, fake news, fake newsmen, fake reports, fake assasinations, fake fear, fake joy, fake capital, fake venture, fake nazis, fake bibles, fake gods, fake cops, fake soldiers, fake franks, fake mustard, fake judges, fake laws, fake windows, fake slaves, fake masters and fake ads. They have a sheep now that is half sheep and half human. It is called a shuman and it was built with a computer. It’s a travesty of science. What we have are a new breed of human pests. Google it! Call the exterminator, alert the FBI! Get real! Don’t swindle me, you won’t like what I do about it. Google could go to 235 or then again it could go to 50 cent and go there with Internet speed. Speed kills, shit happens and what can you do? New rules suckers. Land, flyswatters, manure, nails, used cars and wind machines bought and sold. Take your time, not mine. If we don’t all laugh together, we’ll weep together. Men don’t die in wars, to protect frauds.

Welcome to the World Wide Fraud we call the Internet on bald tires and viral marketing. I’m setting up a fake blog just to keep up with the whole thing. I’m planning on selling fake stock certificates that can fool the fake analysts. I’m looking for fake venture capital. See if you can fake Wall Street. Don’t get dotconned, Joe Rockheads. Welcome to the real fake world. I have fake sources, I’ll share. It’s like a fake crime family. It ain’t like the Irish Mafia. You can’t chart it, it’s not neat!

Jim says:

You can defeat gravity, but the paperwork is tough.
A stone sinks in a well of ink. You sunk my battleship John.
We still have a destroyer and an aircraft carrier.
The world moves on ball bearings and grease. Welcome to the digital poor house of the future. My car engine was blown up, I forgot to check the oil. There is an ad copy for that. My people will get with your people. I have tigers to tame and bars to empty and women to seduce, so I’m really busy. My up coming book, should be out in June. It will be titled, In June, I lost my Virginity. I’m looking for a publisher now. I’m planning my Google ad gimmick and should sell a million copies once it goes to press. The Playboy crowd should eat this stuff up with mustard and relish. Holy Canoli-Leave the Gun: The Web for Wiseguys, should be to the printer by next October. Book ’em Danny Boy.

James Miller says:

I liked your comments, so I tried a few for laughs. Here was an ad which I found for Dryer lint using a Google search!

Dryer Lint
Get $500 for Dryer Lint
absolutely free. Aff.
http://www.consumertestingpanel.com

Jim says:

I like the one about the guy who buys Google ads and becomes a sponsoring link for white supremacist groups Oooops, sorry the computer did that.

I thought this was funny and strange. Writing ad copy is a serious business. Google has tried treating it like a gumball distributorship, with lead in the gumballs. They have billions in capital and the ads look like a cheap gimmick out of some third world email spammer shop in some back alley. It makes Google look fly by night. It is another form of visual pollution. Some companies have really cool and creative stuff. I saw a Dell ad online that was striking. That requires talent. Google ads are becoming just another form of commercial propaganda. I’m just about Google Ad Blind. I’ve noticed that I am blocking them out, because they are of no real use and I’m kind of careful about using strange links. I hope they improve the system. It is still better than popups and unders. You are known by the company you keep. Google has some fairly sleezy looking company. Google works well for search, so most people will tolerate a certain amount of site pollution in exchange for functionality. The system isn’t perfect and the ads don’t make our nation more secure. Go sell seashells by the seashore. I think ads will all go RSS in the future. You won’t need Google ads, you will deliver ads based on strict content rules, not with this shotgun approach. Google casts a wide net, but if you want tuna you don’t want to kill dolphins to get it. RSS ads will be based on delivering intelligent results and saving time and bandwidth. This should eliminate click fraud. Yahoo has been developing an RSS ad program http://www.eweek.com/article2/0,1759,1668385,00.asp
RSS will change things and put consumers in control of ad content and a consumer that is in control, is a consumer that is better prepared to make deals based on intelligent information. It beats developing a word hell of fraud and fake ads. Insulting a persons intelligence is a bad way to start a business relationship.
People are going to buy things and look for information on products and services. Those who can deliver the right content, will win. Those buying and selling words will slip into more confusion. Words are powerful, because they help us communicate ideas. We are at the point now that we are expected to pay dollars for the commercial value of words. I have the notion that words, like people, are more powerful when they are free. Being free made Google popular. Google develops little content and then charges those who develop tons of content a fee for the commercial use of words. Google doesn’t own the dictionary. It seems like a bit of a foolish way to go about things. Some of the ads show how foolish it really is or we really are. Somebody will come up with a way to give words away and people will wonder why people started paying to use words. I got free books at the library and people put free ads on the community board outside in the lobby. The librarians were getting paid and seemed happy and there were a bunch of rum dumbs sitting at the computer terminals who looked to be in various states of a communal trance like an electric kool aid test or something. They all had a blank look on their faces. My books don’t have ads and I didn’t pay for them. I guess we all paid for them in some noble way. The questions are, how noble are Google ad words? How truthful are the ads? How does this make life better? Why are Google ads selling secrets all of the time? Are there fake Google ads? Are we reinventing the word?

It looks like Google is making words a lot more complicated than they need to be. This all reminds me of the pet rock, with venture capital and sleek digital rights management that was an idea hatched by college kids to make the world a better place. Instead we got cracked databases, stolen ID problems, a national security mess and the opportunity to pay a fee for words. On top of all of this, we get goofy ads that make the human race look like a bunch of bumbling morons who cant tell an ad from a rock. Google is making life more simple, like Watergate made politics more respectable. I get more done now without Google than I did with it. If Google developed better content, they could stop relying on every nitwit on the planet who has some brainstorm idea and feels compelled to put a line of crap on my screens. These are like the idiots who fax ads and waste your fax paper selling the latest and greatest whatever it is that you don’t want more than you didn’t want their crummy commercial fax. Google ads suck and Google knows it, that is why they aren’t on the Google front page. If Google could develop content worth a dime, people would pay them for it. Instead we all get to pay them for the benefit of our own free words and content and the use of their idiotic bot that works like Frankenstein on LSD and sucks the blood from words like a Digital Dracula that can’t see itself in a mirror. Gee what a great deal! Welcome to the Google Age suckers, shaggies,tycoons, pundits, oldsters and moppets. If Google ran a newspaper or magazine, the ads would ensure the whole thing folded after the first issue hit the newsstands and front porches. Google has billions of dollars. Are the billions real and were they ever real? Maybe Google should put out a magazine and see if it can cut it in the real world. That might expose a real house of virtual cards. I think Google could be better, but it looks like the company is good at one thing. The whole focus is on the stock value now. That’s the goal. Who cares if the ads don’t make sense? The words make sense, even if the numbers don’t. Numbers are more limited than words. Google isn’t a very good economy of words. Dvorak just showed some of the proof. There is more. You just can’t automate a human language and expect a bunch of machines to understand it. It becomes a dead commercial language with no order. It is propaganda for the sake of numbers. Those who write serve people, not some collection of machines. If there is genius to Google it isn’t in the ads. That is what I think John Dvorak is saying. What is the genius of Google then?

johninspace says:

…. if Google ads are junk then why are people clicking on them and making Google millions of revenue? And why are you running them on your blog?

To be honest i dont know who clicks on them either, i dont even notice them

Jim says:

John, I read your Market W column today. Now I guess it is time for the attack artists to come out of the woodwork. I have given up on Google for now. It looks like ebay is turning into an indexed mess too. Since you wrote about trash advertising, I’m sure there will be more trash talking. If a small business ran an operation based on such misleading consumer information, they’d be shutdown on the spot. With Google, anything goes, just so the stock price keeps climbing higher and ever higher. I guess what matters is how you define value. New York has consumer protect laws for this kind of nonsense. What flys in California may not fly in New York. I’m sure Google will have a million lawyers and experts putting out statements. Some nitwits will be selling ads for better ads and new gimmicks for beating click fraud. There is some new autolinking gimmick going on now. This appears to be like the dumb smart tagging idea of years past. Gee, now we have dumb ads and smart tags, will find suckers for your online dotcom business. New tools for the mind and the digital lifestyle. The fake FBI fake emails are back. Maybe the FBI should look into the potential of fake ads to create another security mess. Google would never let that happen. You may be a click away from fraud and not know it. Google knows it. Bad ads make for bad choices. The consumer gets burned and Google makes more money and the stock value goes up. What goes up must come down. Gravity is always at work. How do your ads work? I take it, not so good. I read that Google is now worth more than the New York Times. Maybe the Enron accountants are doing the number crunching for this sort of analysis. Maybe you should just replace the Google ad box here with a RSS ad feed that you program yourself. I know it would be more work, slipping another line of code into your blog. It beats ad bot suicide or ad genocide and white slavery and used pinto beans. My pinto beans are burning, I gotta run! Google is bigger than General Motors, just not smart like General Motors. I wouldn’t buy a used car from Google. I wonder if the General buys Google word ads. Corvettes don’t crash, people crash Corvettes. I wonder if I can make money selling the word Corvette and then buy a Corvette. Don’t get sunk John and don’t get wet.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Corvette

In the House says:

Scientists at Stanford University are doing research with young mouse blood and proving that Dracula was right on the money. Young blood produces healthier elderly mice. Exercise also produces better spatial ability in elderly female mice. The mice are getting better healthcare than the people, thanks to the young bloods of academia. Mickey Mouse is being consulted by reasearchers at Harvard, who are studying how mice learn and why male mice appear more intelligent than the female mice. A group of mice from Iraq are being equipped with cameras for intelligence gathering in Baghdad, under a contract with the Dept. of Defense. The government has denied working with moles and rats. Exercise your mouse and buy more tech stocks, they are all going up along with oil, smoke and tuition. You have search and you have your research. Thank a mouse!

Vishal Parikh says:

I guess that is why Google Ads sucks most of the time, atleast the ads you showed were real ads and not PUBLIC SERVICE ads.

We all know that blogs are a big way to monitize your traffic and grow your side revenue and 9 out of 10 blogger struggle making those money because most of the time users don’t click on the ads because they are irrelevant. Amazon offers a variety of products and wider selection and everyday deals which each one of us wants to purchase and if somebody sees a link to a cheaper product of what they want, don’t you think they would click that link. I think so they would….

Now lets see what happens when you try to merge Google Ads and Amazon? There arises a product with textual ads which can be displayed on your website with minimal effort and maximum gain.

AMAZONADS

AmazonAds is a fast and easy way for website publishers of all sizes to display Amazon unobtrusive product ads on their website’s content pages and earn money. and the best part is that this service is FREE to use and AmazonAds does not charge for this service. Your revenue goes directly to your AmazonAssociate Account.

Please Visit: http://www.amazonads.net for more information.