Transterrestrial Musings

A Generation Decimated As Non-Voting Youth Die Off In Droves

ANN ARBOR (APUPI) In a catastrophe certain to reverberate throughout American society for decades, millions of the MTV generation have succumbed suddenly in the past twenty-four hours, after ignoring rapper P. Diddy’s and Senator Hillary Clinton’s frantic warnings over the past weeks.

“I feel like I failed,” said the morose musician. “I called millions of young people in the hopes that we could avoid this, but somehow the message just didn’t get through.”

The unprecedented die-off has resulted in horrific scenes all across the nation. Bodies are stacking up on college campuses, in pizza parlors, malls, and bars, and the older survivors have their hands full keeping up with it. Cruelly, the affliction doesn’t always kill. There are many who live, but in a zombie-like state–those who made it to the polling place, but couldn’t quite figure out how to work the machines.

Elderly workers, seemingly immune to whatever is causing this, are performing triage and trying to sort those who have been felled by their failure to vote, those who are merely injured but can survive with a rapid administration of provisional ballots, and those Bush supporters who are just sleeping off a bender after celebrating the night before.