Ok, I’ve begin the lost column archive and I’m still looking for the old IBM column which lists ALL the meanings for I.B.M. In the meantime, I found this hilarious column I wrote in 1988 where people made interesting predictions about computing in the year 2000. This first ran in the DEC Professional. Computing in the Year 2000
More proof that you should never make predictions.
For Kindle and with free ePub version. Only $9.49 Great reading.
Here is what Gary Shapiro CEO of the Consumer Electronics Association (CEA) said: Dvorak's writing sings with insight and clarity. Whether or not you agree with John's views, he will get you thinking and is never boring. These essays are worth the read!
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Where is all of that wonderful stuff? I see that in this article you used the word “sexy” to describe something. Must have been a carryover from the “386 SX” days when all the ads had puns on SX.
Move along boys..nothing to see here…
More Lost Columns, please!
See what happens when you drop a most significant bit. It wasn’t 2000 but 3000.
Let’s see the My Dinner with IBM one
Thanks, John. Just shows how boring predictions are. But stories about the past – who had an original idea, who screwed who – are always terrific stories.
I have been reading some of your older articles at my school’s library. I particularly enjoyed “the network shell game” from November 25th, 1986. What year did you start writing for PC mag. Have you ever thought of combining all of your columns into a book.
Yes, I’ve been working on it actually. The Book of Lost Columns.
Text of Computer Digest, July 1989, page 38
Every Name for IBM You Could Ever Imagine (ALMOST!)
Some years ago I asked readers to send me their interpretation of the letters I.B.M. – what does IBM really mean? I cited the funniest ones, but I never published the complete list for posterity. The typesetters will hate me for this, but here is every iteration of IBM known to man(cut and save).
Ideas Bring Money
Insidious Byzantine Mentality
Intergalactic Bottomline Mistake
Inevitably Bad Marketing
Indecision Breeds Mistakes
Ishallah Burak Ma’lesh
Imensa Bola De Manteca
Iconoclastic Bilateral Monopoly
Incontinent Bandolerisimo Moloch
Imperial Bellicose Marauder
Impious Bacchanalian Metropolis
I’d Buy Macintosh
Imbecilic Bad Micros
Imperialism By Marketing
Intensely Boring Machines
Interesting But Mundane
Internals By Mediocrity
Into Building Money
Industries Bungling Monolith
Irresponsibility Behaved Multinational
Increasingly Bad Manufacturing
Insipidly Bankrolling Millions
Inconsistent Business Machines
Innovation By Management
Industry Bowel Movement
I’m Being Manipulated
International Brotherhood Magicians
Intercourse Beats Masturbation
Incredibly Bloody Minded
Incredibly Ballsey Marketers
Intentionally Braindamaged Machinery
Idealistically Backward Microcomputers
Idle Brain Malfunction
Imitable Boring Microcomputers
Impeccably Blue-dressed Managers
Itty Bitty Machines
International Bowel Movement
I Bring Manuals
I’ve Been Misled
Ifs Buts Maybes
It’s Better ‘morrow
Incompatible Blue Machines
Indigestion Bothers Me
Intermashable Byte Manipulators
I Broke Mine
Idiots Being Mental
I’ve Been Mauled
Invented By Maladroits
Invented By Marketing
Insulting Boorish Manner
Icons Bygones My Mom’s
It Breaks Monthly
Infinitely Baffling Motives
I’m Buying Macintosh
It’s Better Manually
Imitation Burroughs Machine
Incredibly Big Monster
Itty Bitty Mentality
Incredible Bowel Movement
I’ve Been Mesmerized
Insignificant Bothersome Machine
It’s Broke Ma’am
In Business (for) Money
International Bit Mangler
Increasingly Banal Management
Infernal Blue Machines
Insultingly Boring Microcomputers
Ill-mannered Besotted Macrocosm
Immeasurable Bigheaded Malapert
Impersonal Bellicose Magnate
Insolent Bickering Mal-der-mer
Indecorous Big-named Medusoid
Inept Bullying Menace
Incredibly Boastful Mercenary
Immovable Brash Monolith
Inferior Before Macintosh
Ici Beaucoup Merde
I’m Beyond Mistakes
I’ve Been Mangled
Inherently By Microsoft
Incredibly Bad Manuals
I’ll Buy Macintosh
It’s Beyond Monolithic
Install Bigger Memory
Infernal Biggest Mistake
Incredibly Broad Monopoly
Intriguingly Blue Motif
Incredibly Bad Merchandizing
It’s Bugging Me
Itty Bitty Mouse
I Bring Madness
Incredibly Big Manufacturer
Industries Biggest Mistake
I Built Mine
Inane Brutish Merchandising
Infinite Budget Merchandising
It’s Bullshit Mummery
It’s Become Monolithic
Inadequates Becoing Millionaires (sp-Becoming?)
I’d Be Misinforming
Idiots Become Managers
Incredibly Boring Manuals
Incredibly Belligerent Marketing
Interesting But Mediocre
Invented By Murphy
Insanely Better Marketing
Illustrious Busy Mice
Itty Bitty Maharishi
It’s Been Malfunctioning
Ill-manners Being Mandatory
It Broke Me
Illustrious Bankruptcy Malefactor
Insensitivity Begets Mediocrity
I’ve Become Magnanimous
I Blame Mathematics
Internal Byte Malfunction
Intellectually Blessed Marketers
Instant Black Market
IBMers Bug Me
Indestructible Blue Monster
Incredibly Big Money
Indisposed Black Monday
I Believe (in) Money
Industry Bully Magnifique
Incredibly Boring Machines
Infoworld’s Best Moneymaker
International Business Manipulators
Industry’s Big Mama
Intel’s Best Merchandiser
Innovation? Bah? Marketing!
I’ve Been Megamarketed
Industry’s Being Megamarketed
International Business Machines
Imitation Burroughs Machines
Improved Burroughs Machinery
Inferior Business Machines
Immensely Bland Mercenaries
Impudent Boorish Mob
Imperfect Bombastic Moneymakers
Infamous Bizarre Monsters
Inhuman Babbling Madmen
Ignorant Baffling Majority
Illusive Bewildering Mystics
Identical Belligerent Myths
Imperishable Brutal Manure
Insipid Barbaric Magicians
Itsy Bitsy Monopoly
Intentionally Been Manipulated
I Buy More
John C. Dvorak graduated from the University of California. He is a contributing editor of PC Magazine and MacUser, considered by many to epitomize the contrarian view of things – a charge that he vehemently denies. Dvorak’s motto is: If you have nothing nice to say, then don’t say anything at all.
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