by request this column, which originally appeared in Microtimes around 1989, is back!

	Dvorak's Definitive Lists: Every Name For IBM You Could Ever Imagine (ALMOST!)	In PC Magazine I announced the winner of the competition: Imensa Bola De Manteca (big ball of lard).
	Some years ago I asked the readers of my Inside Track column (now appearing in PC Magazine at a newsstand near you) to send me their interpretation of the letters I.B.M. -- what does IBM really mean? I cited the funniest ones, but I never published the complete list for posterity. The typesetters will hate mefor this, but here is every iteration of IBM known to man. (Cut and save!)   Ideas Bring Money Insidious Byzantine Mentality Intergalactic Bottomline Mistake Inevitably Bad Marketing Indecision Breeds Mistakes Inshallah Burak Ma'lesh Imensa Bola De Manteca Iconoclastic Bilateral Monopoly Incontinent Bandolerismo Moloch Imperial Bellicose Marauder Impious Bacchanalian Metropolis I'd Buy Macintosh Imbecilic Bad Micros Imperialism By Marketing Intensely Boring Machines Interesting But Mundane Internals By Mediocrity Into Building Money Industry's Bungling Monolith Irresponsibly Behaved Multinational Increasingly Bad Manufacturing Insipidly Bankrolling Millions Inconsistent Business Machines Innovation By Management Industry Bowel Movement I'm Being Manipulated International Brotherhood Magicians Intercourse Beats Masturbation Incredibly Bloody Minded Incredibly Ballsey Marketeers Intentionally Braindamaged Machinery Idealistically Backward Microcomputers Idle Brain Malfunction Imitable Boring Microcomputers Impeccably Blue-dressed Managers Itty Bitty Machines International Bowel Movement I Bring Manuals I've Been Misled Ifs Buts Maybes Its Better 'morrow Incompatible Blue Machines Indigestion Bothers Me Intersmashable Byte Manipulators Icons Bygones My Mom's It Breaks Monthly Infinitely Baffling Motives I'm Buying Macintosh It's Better Manually Imitation Burroughs Machine Incredibly Big Monster Itty Bitty Mentality Incredible Bowel Movement I've Been Mesmerized Insignificant Bothersome Machines Its Broke Ma'am Itty Bitty Machine In Business(for) Money International Bit Mangler It's Better Manually Increasingly Banal Management Infernal Blue Machine Insultingly Boring Microcomputers ILL-mannered Besotted Macrocosm Immeasurable Bigheaded Malapert Impersonal Bellicose Magnate Insolent Bickering Mal-der-mere Indecorous Big-named Medusoid Inept Bullying Menace Incredibly Boastful Mercenary Immovable Brash Monolith Inferior Before Macintosh Ici Beaucoup Merde It's Better Manually Incredibly Bad Made I'm Beyond Mistakes I've Been Mangled Inherently By Microsoft Incredibly Bad Manuals I'll Buy Macintosh It's Beyond Monolithic It's Better Manually Install Bigger Memory Infernal Biggest Mistake Itty Bitty Machines Incredibly Broad Monopoly Intriguingly Blue Motif Incredibly Bad Merchandising It's Bugging Me Itty Bitty Mouse I Bring Madness Incredibly Big Manufacturer It's Better Manually Industry's Biggest Mistake I Built Mine I Broke Mine Idiots Being Mental I've Been Mauled Invented By Maladroits Invented By Marketing Insulting Boorish Manner Inane Brutish Merchandising Infinite Budget Merchandising Infinite Budget Merchandising It's Bullshit Mummery It's Become Monolithic Inadequates Becoming Millionaires I'd Be Misinforming I'm Being Manipulated Idiots Became Managers Incredibly Boring Manuals Incredibly Belligerent Marketing Interesting But Mediocre Invented By Murphy I've Been Mislead Insanely Better Marketing Illustrious Busy Mice Itty Bitty Maharishi It's Been Malfunctioning Ill-manners Being Mandatory It Broke Me Illustrious Bankruptcy Malefactor Insensitivity Begets Mediocrity I've Become Magnanimous I Blame Mathematics Internal Byte Malfunction Intellectually Blessed Marketers Instant Black Market Ibmers' Bug Me Indestructible Blue Monster Incredibly Big Money Indisposed, Back Monday I Believe(in) Money Industry Bully Magnifique Incredibly Boring Machines Infoworld's Best Moneymaker International Business Manipulators Industry's Big Mama Intel's Best Merchandiser Innovation? Bah!! Marketing! I've Been Megamarketed Industry's Being Megamarketed International Business Machines Imitation Burroughs Machines Improved Burroughs Machinery Inferior Business Machines Immensely Bland Mercenaries Imprudent Boorish Mob Imperfect Bombastic Moneymakers Infamous Bizarre Monsters Inhuman Babbling Madmen Ignorant Baffling Majority Illusive Bewildering Mystics Identical Belligerent Myths Imperishable Brutal Manure Insipid Barbaric Magicians Itsy Bitsy Monopoly Intentionally Been Manipulated I Buy More     ---end