reposted for Football Sunday
Reader Mike Cannali had the funniest comment back on my Toilet Bowl Post. It needs its own spot here and I think the readers can add additional “requirements” for this game until we develop a canonical list! Funny stuff. In fact we may be able to come up with other “bowl” ideas.
The Microsoft Bowl
1. It will be announced for the fall, but won’t actually occur until spring
2. Periodically all the players will freeze solid on the field and the game restarted from the beginning.
3. No security will be provided; others may give you viruses and/or may spy on you. It costs money to cry for help.
4. Your seat may be taken by someone assuming your identity
5. Ticket prices will be 5 times what they should be
6. You may not move to any other sports event from this one – but you can easily move from any other event to the MS Bowl.
7. You may upgrade, but the seat must be equal or better to the one you had last year. You cannot move to a lesser seat once you have attended any MS bowl.
8. You don’t actually own the ticket, just the right to possess it
9. After 15 minutes, you must verify your presence and identity to continue to attend.
10. Once you learn the rules for one MS Bowl, they will be changed and you must learn new ones all over again.
this could be bigger than lightbulb jokes
A screen pass is only allowed if you’re the team dressed in blue.
*. Once you attend Microsoft Bowl, you can’t attend any other bowl game.
*. Basketball, Baseball, Hokcy are all intergrated in the football game…
The Microsoft Bowl wil only allow open containers that have addition Microsoft enhancements.
Microsoft will develop testing so that you can become a certified Microsoft Bowl professional viewer.
Microsoft will only invite teams that contain the brightest and best athletes that will practice 80 hours a week.
Microsft will change the name of one of the bowl teams from the Texas Longhorns to the Texas VISTAs
Microsoft will develop and sell seat cushions and binoculars so that you can more fully enjoy the total Microsft Bowl experience.
There will be a reserved “Steve Ballmer” Shrieking Geek section.
There won’t be any entrances to the stadium, just security holes for fans to stream into.
Despite drastic advances in field painting technology, the field logo will be done in 4 foot by 4 foot pixels. Fans will do the wave while waiting for the game to start.
Cheerleaders will be required to have Physics degrees. They will also be required to shave and be fully clothed.
The announcers will all be temps. Half will be outsourced to India.
So will the fans.
The show will be televised, but someone in Europe will hack the codec and release it before Microsoft gets it out on the air. By the time the true release date rolls around, everyone will already have seen it.
When the game isn’t as successful as Microsoft had hoped, they will start buying the Orange Bowl, Fiesta Bowl, Rose Bowl, and eventually the Vitalis Sun Bowl, just to make sure.
11. Aspects of the game that were promised to take place, will be cancelled and or delayed until the first service pack.
Will it require a PC with Internet Explorer 5.5 or great to watch?
*digs out old mac IE*
Game will take rules from other games, implement them poorly, and claim they made the rules up themselves.
You have the option of either getting a premium ticket which allows you to watch the game and have a free hotdog, soda, and popcorn. A standard ticket comes with no free food, but food can be purchased for $100. Candy is available only from third parties.
The MS Bowl Plus Pack will include more realistic players, but it will require you upgrade your seat from the Home version to the Professional version.
Pure genius.
the game is to be played in india by indians for your viewing pleasure. laid off microsoft serfs can cash in unemployment checks for tickets.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20051207/ap_on_hi_te/india_microsoft_20
Every football game is based on the playbook and the MS Bowl will be no exception. The play book is phenomenal. It is so large it must include every play that has ever been written. We’re just not sure anyone really knows what’s in it and therefore no one can find what play will work. Many of the plays were written when the athletes were slower than today’s athletes. Even though these plays are out of date they remain in the book and make it hard to find what’s important in the play book, or to fix what’s wrong.
You are required to sign an “end audience viewing agreement” before entering the game venue, wherein you agree not to share your memories or stories about the game with anyone without getting permission from the game sponsors.
Anyone wearing a Linux T-shirt or carrying a non-Windows CS PDA or iPod will be required to hand them over and join head cheerleader, Steve Ballmer, in doing the Monkey Boy cheer during halftime.
We could also have “The US Federal Government Bowl.”
It would be promised that it would be a compassionate game, but turn out to be a hateful, bloody, sadistic game. The whole game could be sponsored by China with all things relatig to it made by China also.
The tickets would be valued @ $50, but through creative ticket financing, you could sell them to the public for $700,000 & create a ticket bubble that could keep the game going. The game could generate no profits by spending more on the game than it takes in, & keep borrowing to keep it afloat.
Then, after the game, the teams & fans could go attack another bowl game’s participants in another part of the country that has nothing to do with this game, saying it was to prevent the other game from eclipsing it.
After the game, the teams could blatantly lie about their performance. The guy who lost the game could blame other bowl games for his stupid, bumbling performance.
The refs would all be appointed by the head of the bowl game PLUS never have had experiance reffing games PLUS not even know the rules of football.
It was be a great big scamfest & a colossal mess. Also, whoever scores the fewest points could be declared the winner after judges change the outcome. Lastly, all ticket holders receive a refund voucher after the game for $20 & next year’s tickets can cost $800,000.
Fun for the whole family.
Microsoft will buy all the other college bowls and shut them down so they are the only collage bowl game. They will then write a white paper about how its bowl is superior to the Superbowl called “Just the Facts.”
Actual football game will be replaced by two 14 year-old boys playing “Madden 2006” on Xbox Live.
This thread is just a rehash of the whole cars running with Windows things from 5 years ago.
1. The computer generated first down line will sometimes fill the whole screen blue and say “A fatal first down exceptions has been thrown at first down marker 0020:C00IE26”
2. Because of poorly trained security guards there is a large security hole where basically anybody can run out onto the field and mess things up.
3. If you had changed any of your clothes since you bought a ticket to the game you must call Microsoft to get a new key for ticket activation.
4. Clippy is an assistant coach.
Teams will need to be installed in their own section, but key players must be installed in the Windows/System section.
If you decide to remove one team, not all players will be removed.
If you try to manually remove the orphaned players, the game may end abruptly with the “Fatal first down exception” noted in post 18.
For those who are new to the game, a guy named BOB Clippy will pop up along the sidelines to explain to them what is going on. Then tell them again. And again. You can’t shut him up! He just keeps popping up! Please, shut him up!!!
What do they need a bowl for its not like they’re not a monopoly.
It’s almost as absurd as the U.S.P.S sponsoring the tour de france.
The Mozilla Firefox Bowl
1. All tickets are free.
2. You may add players to the game at any time.
3. You can change the look of the players’ uniforms.
4. You can Adblock all commercials and ad signs in the stadium.
5. You can switch between several games at once.
6. With Bugzilla, you can be the ref.
7. Not all college football teams are supported yet.
8. Some plays are not supported. You may need to occasionally go over to the MS Bowl.
>a guy named BOB Clippy will pop up along the sidelines to explain to them what is going on.
BOB is the acronym for Arizona’s baseball park, and Bill Simmons’ World Series summaries had the announcers explaining the game to the fans.
Here is another 10
1. A scaled down version of the MSB, called the Microsoft Bowl Compact Edition, will be defined for the less talented feeder leagues
2. The US Justice department will investigate the Microsoft Bowl as a “conspiracy in restraint of fair play”.
3. The chariman of the Microsoft Bowl will complain that he is being investigated by lawyers that do not understand how sports works.
4. The major defence against the suit will be that monopoly is required to maintain creativity with the rules of the sport
5. Every 4 years, the stadium will be rebuilt.
6. All the on and off ramps to the freeway will change – partners of the MS League will get special instructions for their “drivers”.
7. Microsoft Teams will have special on and off ramps – known only to them.
8. Any sports equipment to be used at the MS Bowl must be tested to obtain a MS Signature – else all participants will be warned that it is dangerous junk and should not be worn without potential catastrophic calamity to the Cosmos.
9. Another league will be formed call Linux. The MS Bowl executives will pretend that it doesn’t exist. However they will anomously bash it on forums.
10. Eventually all concessions and servers at the bowl games will move to the Linux league where the rent is free.
Maybe I should just make this a permanent feature and give it to Cannali.
Official court jester – can I put that on my resume’ ?
I don’t even know how I stopped up right here, however I assumed this post was good. I don’t know who you are however certainly you’re going to a famous blogger for those who aren’t already 😉 Cheers!